Nathaniel Branden's Self-Esteem Every Day

[Michael Stuart Kelly]

August 14 – Self-Esteem Every Day

Rationally, there cannot be guilt where there is neither choice nor responsibility.

[Michael Stuart Kelly]

August 15 – Self-Esteem Every Day

The idea of original sin—of guilt with no possibility of innocence, no freedom of choice, no alternatives—inherently militates against self-esteem. The very notion of guilt without volition or responsibility is an assault on reason as well as on morality. Sin is not original, it is originated—like virtue.

[Michael Stuart Kelly]

August 16 – Self-Esteem Every Day

If you have done something you know to be wrong, if you feel guilty about it and wish to correct it, there are usually five steps you should take:

1 - Acknowledge the fact that it is you that have taken the particular action. Face and accept the full reality of what you have done without denial or disavowel. Acknowledge, accept and take responsibility. Do not say it really wasn't me.

2 - Seek to understand why you did what you did. Understand where you were coming from.

3 - If others are involved, as they often are, acknowledge explicitly to the relevant persons the harm you have done. Convey your understanding of the consequences of your behavior. Convey your understanding of how they have been affected.

4 - Take any and all actions that might make amends for or minimize the harm you have done.

5 - Firmly commit yourself to acting differently in the future.

[Michael Stuart Kelly]

August 17 – Self-Esteem Every Day

Some people would rather suffer the guilt than take the actions necessary to eliminate the guilt.

[Michael Stuart Kelly]

August 18 – Self-Esteem Every Day

There is no virtue in guilt. The question is: What are you going to do about it? If you avoid that question, not only is guilt not a virtue, it is a cop-out.

[Michael Stuart Kelly]

August 19 – Self-Esteem Every Day

It is easy enough to say, Be true to your values. But what if your values are irrational? Or what if the virtues to which you have committed yourself are so imimical to human nature that they cannot be practiced consistently? Be careful of what you accept as your code of morality. Think carefully about whether its tenets serve your life and well-being. Exercise critical judgment. Realize how much is at stake—your life, your happiness, your self-esteem.

[Michael Stuart Kelly]

August 20 – Self-Esteem Every Day

If we see that our values are leading us towards destruction, clearly it is time to question our values.

[Michael Stuart Kelly]

August 21 – Self-Esteem Every Day

Without self-responsibility we cannot practice integrity—we will not choose our moral code mindfully.

[Michael Stuart Kelly]

August 22 – Self-Esteem Every Day

As spiritual advice, "Follow your bliss" is well intentioned, perhaps, but clearly inadequate. If one wished to reduce morality to a single sentence (which is a dubious endeavor), one had better say, "Live consciously; take responsibility for your choices and actions; respect the rights of others; and follow your bliss." But, of course, life is just too complex for moral one-liners, except insofar as they serve as reminders of basic principles.

[Michael Stuart Kelly]

August 23 – Self-Esteem Every Day

In a society where political figures, religious leaders, business associates, corporate heads, and other public personalities hold themselves to high standards of morality, it is relatively easier for an average person to practice integrity than it is in a society where corruption, cynicism, and amorality are the norm. In the latter kind of society, an individual is likely to feel that the quest for personal integrity is futile and unrealistic—unless he or she is extraordinarily independent and autonomous, inner-directed rather than outer-directed.

[Michael Stuart Kelly]

August 24 – Self-Esteem Every Day

The challenge for people today—and it is not an easy one—is to maintain high personal standards even while feeling that one is living in a moral sewer.

[Michael Stuart Kelly]

August 25 – Self-Esteem Every Day

The more you live consciously, the more you trust your mind and respect your worth; and if you trust your mind and respect your worth, it feels natural to live consciously. The more you practice integrity, the more you enjoy good self-esteem; and if you enjoy good self-esteem, it feels natural to practice integrity.

[Michael Stuart Kelly]

August 26 – Self-Esteem Every Day

When integrity comes to feel like your natural state, you feel dishonesty on your part as disturbing, and you feel a thrust to resolve the dissonance and restore an inner sense of moral cleanliness.

[Michael Stuart Kelly]

August 27 – Self-Esteem Every Day

Here is a test for the feeling of integrity: Are you proud of your choices and actions? For most people it's a question more often avoided than confronted. But what an opportunity for growth the question offers!

[Michael Stuart Kelly]

August 28 – Self-Esteem Every Day

Some people admire men and women of integrity; others are made nervous—they experience an unspoken sense of reproach, not knowing it lies within themselves.

[Michael Stuart Kelly]

August 29 – Self-Esteem Every Day

When your own good opinion matters more than someone else's, you have the foundation for self-esteem.

[Michael Stuart Kelly]

August 30 – Self-Esteem Every Day

Self-esteem is not a luxury: It is a profound spiritual need.

[Michael Stuart Kelly]

August 31 – Self-Esteem Every Day

The virtues that self-esteem asks of us—living consciously, self-acceptance, self-responsibility, self-assertiveness, purposefulness, integrity—are also the virtues life asks of us.

[Michael Stuart Kelly]

September 1 – Self-Esteem Every Day

The first love affair you must consummate successfully is the love affair with yourself. Only then are you ready for a romantic relationship.

[Michael Stuart Kelly]

September 2 – Self-Esteem Every Day

When a man and a woman encounter each other in romantic love, seeking union, seeking fusion, seeking the experience of the most intimate contact, they come to each other from a context of aloneness. An understanding of this fact is essential. Paradoxically, If you wish to understand romantic love, you must begin by understanding aloneness, the universal condition of us all.

[Michael Stuart Kelly]

September 3 – Self-Esteem Every Day

We are all parts of one universe, true enough. We stand within an almost infinite network of relationships. Yet each of us is a single point of consciousness, a unique event, a private, unrepeatable world. This is the essence of our aloneness.

[Michael Stuart Kelly]

September 4 – Self-Esteem Every Day

Without an "I" who loves, what is the meaning of love? First there must be a self—then the exquisite joy of one self encountering another.

[Michael Stuart Kelly]

September 5 – Self-Esteem Every Day

To love a human being is to know and love his or her person. This communion presupposes the ability to see, and with reasonable clarity. Love without sight is not love, but self-deception.

[Michael Stuart Kelly]

September 6 – Self-Esteem Every Day

All of us experience who we are in the context of our relationships.

[Michael Stuart Kelly]

September 7 – Self-Esteem Every Day

All positive interactions with other human beings involve, to some degree, the experience of visibility—that is, the experience of being seen and understood.