Nathaniel Branden's Self-Esteem Every Day


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October 28 – Self-Esteem Every Day

When your partner is in pain over something, often the greatest gift you can offer is just to let your partner talk, and for you just to listen, just to be there, just to be available, and to convey your understanding of your partner's feelings without any obligation to say something brilliant, produce a solution, or cheer your partner up. Often merely expressing the problem to a caring listener fosters healing.
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November 2 – Self-Esteem Every Day

if you are afraid to know what you want or to express it unambiguously to your partner, to take responsibility for it, you might end up blaming your partner. You might feel hurt and resentment over your partner's lack of "sensitivity." You aren't a mind reader? Neither is your partner.
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November 3 – Self-Esteem Every Day

Some people justify their cynicism about romantic love by pointing out that romantic love doesn't last. But for most people, no passion lasts. Why single out romantic love? It is a rare individual who knows how to nurture and sustain his or her excitement about anything. Doing so is an achievement to be admired.
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November 10 – Self-Esteem Every Day
Life is motion. Not to move forward is to move backward. If you are not evolving, you are decaying. If you and your partner are not growing together, you are dying together.


Every time I pick up Nathaniel Branden's Psychology of Romantic Love, I find something new and useful, the last several quotations are some of his best.


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November 11 – Self-Esteem Every Day

There are many complex reasons for falling in love with someone. Not all of them are self-evident. One of the pleasures of lovers is seeking to identify on deeper and deeper levels the traits that inspire and excite them in each other. The process can go on for years and can be a source of increasing pleasure and intimacy.
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November 15 – Self-Esteem Every Day

Each person brings to a relationship certain assets and shortcomings. Do you know what yours are? What do you bring to a relationship that your partner is likely to find valuable? What do you bring that your partner might find difficult or troublesome? Do you feel an obligation to know (or discover) the answers to these questions?
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November 18 – Self-Esteem Every Day

If you find yourself in conflict with your partner, notice how the conflict is handled. When friction erupts, who does what? Is the focus on finding a solution or finding fault? On understanding or blaming or defending? Are differences approached in a spirit of benevolence or of fear and hostility? What has priority—protecting the relationship or self-justification (proving yourself "right")? If enstrangement sets in, who typically makes the first move to overcome it? What is the other partner doing in the meantime?
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