Announcing yet another new Objectivist website (satire)

Roger Bissell

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Folks, you may want to get in on the ground floor with this one!


The High Queen of Bashin' Presents:

Dizzy Vertigo's So-Low* Bashin'

Total Bashin' for the Total Hype

A new website for the So-Low...

Where you get to distract yourself and others from the fact that you haven't accomplished much with your life by bashing those who have -- and to post laudatory reviews of parasitic, misnamed books who bash those same people.

Where you get to post derogatory comments about the people who have invited you to speak at their functions -- and then feign indignation and withdraw when they object to your online insults.

Where you get to take out your drinking problems on those you disagree with -- and when they give it back to you in spades, you get to kick them off the website and continue to say derogatory things about them.

All of these opportunities and more await you when you sign up today as a member of So-Low Bashin'!

* Some Obnoxious Lowlife Onanistic Wankers

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Technically speaking, not a pleonasm.

Onan spilled his seed (doncha love that word?) on the ground, but he wasn't wanking. He was getting it on with his old lady - he just didn't want her to get pregnant like he was told to do.

He pulled out at the magic moment.

How his name got mixed up with wanking is a long lonely story...


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And yet it is a pleonasm, as the criterion is the current meaning and not the (incorrect) etymology. Onanism is not the same as coïtus interruptus. That reminds me of a joke that Freud tells in one of his books. When someone (a doctor, I think) asks a young boy whether he perhaps sometimes does certain things with himself (it's the Victorian era...), the answer is: O, na nie! (Oh no! Never! The German "Onanie" = onanism)

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Geez people, am I gonna have to post a link to a dictionary over here in the humor area? Why you all gotta use them $50 words, when you can use body language.

Here is the last thing I posted over there before my account was mysteriously closed without my knowledge or consent. Well, if it weren't for the fine people over here, they wouldn't have anyone to bash!


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Dizzy and the Gang have proposed a series of nicknames for me. I'll be adding to them here as they come up. My personal favorite, of course, is the first. How could it be otherwise?

Proposed MSK nicknames and sundry descriptions:

Brandens' poster-boy (my all-time for-real favorite, which I bear proudly)

Barbara Branden's chief low-level supporter (another favorite)

Brandens' pet toady


Slimy MSK

Toxic slug


Incomparably odious

Odious MSK


New age

Anti-conceptual acid fountainhead

One hell of a disappointment


Piece of shit

(Re "piece of shit"): I don't like your characterisation of MSK. It's insulting to shit.

Immoral scum who lie in practically every post

Pompous ass of the first order

Smug, truth-twisting fatness, the "saintly" Michael Stuart Kelly, giving his Buddhaliciously pompous approval

Sheer ruthlessness, shamelessness and a fanatical drive to love onesself so much that it overrides any desire to be honest or fair about your own corruption or misdeeds.

Michael "Saccharine" Kelly

Trojan Horse

Saintly fatness

"Loving chubby Buddha" image he so deceptively tries to cultivate


Crazed Cockroach Kelly

Cockroach Kelly's smug demeanour

Michael Stuart Kelly-Stuart-Stuart (Dizzy's most inept inspiration)

Michael Moore Stuart Kelly


Thoroughly dishonest MSK

Vicious man with an evil agenda


Stupid ideas

Massive evasion

Evader (used in simple mode, without the "massive")

Pathological evader

Mentally ill




Scout master of Objectivism

Perfectly reliable law of nature (I kinda like that one, too)


Snivelling self-indulgence

Enslavement mentality

Cane toad


Uses altruism as his tool to create slaves

Sunk to the lowest depths of the worst defamations of Ayn Rand

(Said about me): "You are the real enemy of Objectivism"

Incapable of holding a coherent train of thought

Morally unfastidious

One of the most odious people I've ever encountered

I doubt he is a sincere man

So low a life-form

Greatest licker and sucker of all

Great Pretender himself

Talking ape

Male PMS

A bit like Hemingway as a boxer


MSK skunk

Malevolent mediocrities like the MSK skunk



Complete dick

King of Objectivist evil



Too thoroughly and fundamentally disingenuous

Low-level creep


Lower than the lowest of the low

Lowest of low-lifes

Disgusting reptile

Imbeciles like MSK

That awful entity

MSK's nauseating "sincerity"

Reminds me of a Christian television evangelist who fleeces his viewers

Couldn't lie straight in his bed

A prick

MSK-style character attacks (after all these names, this is now my favorite characterization :) )

For the Ojectivist Living site (in my homage, of course):

Cockroach Corner

Branden Community Church

Nasty folks (malicious motive)

Communist Living

Intellectual/cultural ghetto for the Brandens

Any port in a storm

Branden Temple

MSK's Branden fan site


The anti-Rand site for Brandroids, back-stabbers & buttlickers

Subjectivist Living

Bad vibe

The Shao-lin Temple of Barbara Branden

The Fearlessly Independent Thinker's Shrine to Barbara Branden

O-Lying Brandroids


O-Lying ghetto

Ollie den

Basically where all the dishonest people who've been run out of the Objectivist movement go to die

(Said about OL): "I'm willing to wrestle in mud, but not in shit"


(Said about OL): "'Intellectual bankruptcy' may be too generous as applied to them"

Objectivist Livers

Objectivist Not Living

Objectivist Dying

Objectivist Undead

Smearing Rand-diminishers

People who don't love or hate

Jellyfishness and mounds of spineless goo

It may be ruined (said gleefully about the hack of the OL site in July 2006)

That place is full of them, operating in bad faith. (Said about alleged phonies on OL)

A hostile site that may be dying

Most of its activity was directed against SOLO & much of that against me personally. (Said by a self-flatterer)

These creatures are beyond contemplation in their awfulness

OL could go from Objectivist Living to Objectivist LaRouchies

Flaky ghetto

Contaminating themselves with the squirtings of a total skunk like MSK (said of OL members)

Moral wasteland

All the other anti-Objectivist bigots dripping with resentment and hurt feelings over at OL

The sewer that is OL


Mutual masturbation

Living cult

Where culthood is alive and ill

OL's a cesspool

The most anti-Rand site I've ever seen that won't just come out and admit it

Rand-diminishers from O-Lying

A menopausal Therapy Culture New Age site like O-Lying

More should be coming as the paragons of high literary standards make their learned contributions.

But truthfully, all this attention kind of makes me feel warm and tingly all over. Now I can pull out all stops a morph into a good-godam-great second-hander and social metaphysician.

On a serious note (dum-da-dum-dum), I just skimmed a few threads to make this initial collection of fine culture. I didn't realize how good I had been at making my points. I did some real ass-whumping. I had forgotten about how consistently spot-on I was. I'm really proud of myself. I'm the greatest! I'm the greatest! I'm the greatest!...

(whop!... smack!)


Sorry about that. Gotta pull my ego back in a bit, folks. All this attention goes to my head...


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I am starting to think that I am engaged to the most hated man in Objectivism.... but maybe Nathaniel Branden still holds the title. There sure is a lot of this name calling going on. Michael didn't even mention Reasoner's classic comedy bit on The Autonomist

And there is his smug, truth-twisting fatness, the "saintly" Michael Stuart Kelly, giving his Buddhaliciously pompous approval as his fanatic, clinging remora of a girlfriend, katdaddy, supports her man automatically, viciously, and without question.


And of course, Michael "Saccharine" Kelly was already up, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, to post another one of his sociopathic, "How-on-earth-could-I-ever-be-anything-less-than-utterly-pure-and-holy", transparent posturing diatribes. Even on a good day, Nellie Olsen herself had nothing on him for sheer ruthlessness, shamelessness and a fanatical drive to love onesself so much that it overrides any desire to be honest or fair about your own corruption or misdeeds.

And, predictably, his groupie had to chime in and "correct" my "misspelling".

Sorry to disappoint you. I said "Buddhalicious", because that's what I meant: an overweight manipulator with a masklike smile and a saccharine, calculated demeanor of "kindliness"... which his fellow co-conspirators relentlessly publicize as "genuine", in order to enhance their group's delusionary-illusionary self-image.

There would have been more of this but our friend got moderated.

I guess my name list is a bit shorter... groupie, clinging remora, feminazi, communist, anti-semite, and some type of misguided pathetic creature longing for a kinder gentler captialism/objectivism.

Well, one of those things is true. I do long for a kinder, gentler Objectvism and I think I have found it right here at Objectivist Living.

(((( BIG GROUP HUG!!! )))

btw - Michael, you really are the greatest and I agree with most everything you have ever said online. They are hating you for your virtues, not your flaws. They try to make you a strawman to knock down. It is the age of envy. What they are doing is anti-Rand and anti-reason. It is petty and pathetic. But it is their problem, not ours.


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I am starting to think that I am engaged to the most hated man in Objectivism.... but maybe Nathaniel Branden still holds the title.

Nathaniel still holds the title. ;-) Other contenders for second-place: the powers-that-be at TOC. And, a new (and surprising) contender [sound of trumpets]: none other than Phil Coates (who hasn't even read the Branden biography and memoirs and has persistently decried all the focusing on personality events from 40 years ago). But he's now been given a place on the list of Diana's targets.


See especially for a good laugh posts 16, 17, 18, 19

There would have been more of this but our friend got moderated.

Who's the friend who's posting there? (I don't read The Autonomist site, finding it just way too over the top, basically the lunatic fringe.)



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(This is from the another thread here on Humor.)

I found a promo pic of Dizzy Vertigo of the world-famous "Dizzy and the Gang":


They tell me he can sing the pants off ya'.


Edit - Ellen, the poster was Orion Reasoner. He stopped posting shortly after those posts Kat mentioned, but not because of me. He crossed swords with Regi Firehammer, the site owner, and his thread was moved to "East of Eden." So he got ticked off and stopped posting.

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It's good to see that someone has finally captured the full...uh...multi-facted flavor of Diz Vertigo's personality(s). :-)

Some little known facts: according to my cousin, Andy, Dizzy Vertigo and the Bashful Gang would have been a shoe-in for a Grammy award, except that the Diz-meister insisted on recording his CD of standards while under the influence, and the title song came out "Shay it isn't Show." In utter frustration, Diz retreated to his art studio for several weeks, preparing wine bottles for use in mixing paints, but he's feeling better now and is more passionate -- or is it bassionate? -- than ever!



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See especially for a good laugh posts 16, 17, 18, 19

Yes, at least one person with some common sense: Reminds me of similar posturing at another site, where a guy has been thumping his chest in a press release to visitors about how brave and principled he is declining an invitation to speak at TOC this summer because somebody he doesn't like will be there.

It is indeed comical to see this chest thumping and all the congratulations from the other heroes for this courageous and principled action. That'll teach those evil TOC evaders! If that isn't kicking ass I don't know what is!

Equally comical are those conversion stories: "I've been a sinner, but now I've read The Book and I've seen the Light! Hallelujah! Praise our valiant Prophet!". What a great contributions to the dissemination of Objectivism! Everybody will now immediately understand that this can only be the result of a rational philosophy.

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Guys and gals, I'm hurt! (sob) You are all ignoring me, and it's not fair. Don't you understand that I have feelings, too? I'm not receiving my due. Michael and Kat and Phil, and even the monumentally immoral Nathaniel, are pikers of evil compared to me. Who else has been told that Passion must be destroyed, and that she is toast, finished, done!

Please treat me with the respect due to the foremost purveyer of irrationality.


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Dammit, Barbara, there are only thee crosses at a time up on Mount Calvary and Michael and Kat are sharing one in the lapsed missionary position - as soon as decomposition sets in and one of them is free, you'll be up there...


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Personally, I think you guys should be grateful that no one has threatened to throw you in my "conceptual acid tank." (Thank Michael Second-Year Molar for that one.) You guys pervert ideas, but I wipe them out entirely. Mmmmmmwaaaahaaaahaaaa!

My next project: The Anti-Objectivist Center, featuring lectures on Basic Principles of Anti-Objectivism and my forthcoming book, Nazi Germany and Contemporary America: the Thrilling Parallels.

Remember: A is a sense. Existence exists...yeah, right. Life is an end in itself...a dead end. Wishing will make it so.


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Oh, that was so wrong on so many levels, Michael. I couldn't have done better work myself.

But don't many Queens have little lapdogs when they sit at the throne?

Alright, that's it. It's gotta stop, and it's gotta stop now. Already, I feel the breath of the beast on the back of my neck.


Mommy, why does Santa Claus have dirty fingernails

and smells like whiskey?

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