Announcing yet another new Objectivist website (satire)

Roger Bissell

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I'm no math scholar but something just doesn't add up over at Dizzy's place. I've seen this over there several times before. The latest stats just in....

There are currently 3 users and 184 guests online.

Last post was over 4 hours ago.

This just seems very weird to me, so maybe I should search for answers to any and all questions in THE BOOK.

btw - Did Barbara ever make her way out of the toaster? Sure beats a tanning salon, doesn't it. Gotta butter her up. (yeah, I hear the groans, I'll stop now.)


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And yet it is a pleonasm, as the criterion is the current meaning and not the (incorrect) etymology. Onanism is not the same as coïtus interruptus. That reminds me of a joke that Freud tells in one of his books. When someone (a doctor, I think) asks a young boy whether he perhaps  sometimes does certain things with himself (it's the Victorian era...), the answer is: O, na nie! (Oh no! Never! The German "Onanie" = onanism)

That just cracked me up. I suppose you're from a German/Austrian location since it's hinted that you read Freud in German? If I'm wrong, let me know... my second "guess" is the Netherlands area (and my knowledge of the Netherlands is only based on a rather adventurous, strange, and not quite sober trip to Amsterdam).

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That just cracked me up. I suppose you're from a German/Austrian location since it's hinted that you read Freud in German? If I'm wrong, let me know... my second "guess" is the Netherlands area (and my knowledge of the Netherlands is only based on a rather adventurous, strange, and not quite sober trip to Amsterdam).

Your second guess is correct. It's true that I've read the complete Freud in German. Now I can say many bad things about Freud, but his books are quite readable and not without some dry humor.

You've made me curious about your adventurous trip to Amsterdam, could you tell us more about that?

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Man, you guys have really been getting into some, er, "hijinks" over here.

Wait, did I see "pomo" in that list? There's nothing like a prancing, drunken pomo, you know... so harsh on the outside, but precious and delicate on the inside. As if they had just finished a whole case of twinkies.

Delicate sensibilities, and tender mercies!


Don't Get Me Started.

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You've made me curious about your adventurous trip to Amsterdam, could you tell us more about that?

I wrote a private message to DF via this site's mail system that's more detailed. It was.. crazy... there. Well, Berlin was just as crazy. But Amsterdam.... daaayaam! I like Amsterdam a lot but I won't eat that much spacey foods again.

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Dragonfly, interesting comment about Freud. Much the same is true of Kant, though you wouldn't know it from reading the critiques by Objectivists.

In his Critique of Judgment, he has some hilarious things to say about humor. They cracked me up, anyway. Later, maybe I'll set up a thread with funny stuff from Kant. Right now, I gotta go to work at Disneyland!


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  • 3 weeks later...

Here's a little riddle for ya':

Q. What's the difference between Dizzy and the Gang and a flounder?

A. They're both bottom suckers, but one's a fish.

(tap dancing and looking nonchalant...)

We now have:

(drum roll)

(drum roll)

(drum roll)

(drum roll)

(drum roll)

Total Bashin for the Total Parasite!

The annual Total Parasite Bash of Dizzy and the Gang will be July 6 to July 8 in California - the LA area. The official announcement by Demon Banana reads as follows:

So I am announcing that the official dates for this year's conference are Friday July 6th through Sunday July 8th.

Ya' see, this is cool marketing the capitalism way...

(taking off hat and covering heart and striking a reverential pose)

... just like you can read in the inspiring works of our dear departed mentor, Ayn Rand, may she rest in peace.

It so happens that by coincidence, the TOC 2006 Summer Seminar is being held July 1–8 near LA, too. So if ya' don't have the talent to get enough guests to make a successful Total Parasite Bash of your own, why not cash in on the audience of somebody who has both the talent and the audience? It's a free country, right? It's a free market, right? Ya' gotta' outmaneuver the competition.

Demon Banana continued in a post to his announcement:

Hopefully I'll be able to find someone who lives in the area to help me choose a location that will make it easy for some of the TOC attendees to join us.

(winking with shit-eating grin and giving thumbs up)

Smaaaaaaaaaart thinkin' without blinkin', folks. Like Dizzy always says, \"We sure love that capitalism.\"

Roger Bissell had announced a related book signing event elsewhere, but here it is for the convenience of all.

I hear that there's going to be a book-signing/demonstration event somewhere near TOC’s Summer Seminar in my own Orange, California that would do Mario Savio proud.* A small gang of Branden-bash luminaries will be trying out their parasitic chops on a gigantic microphone being built especially for the occasion, with a dreamy sax band for accompaniment. (The theme song now being considered is, "I Did It Her Way.")

A real killer kindergarten kangaroo KASSER, if I ever saw one.  

Well, I think that, in the best O-L tradition (see Kat's post in the preceding thread), it's time for a KMASS event! [Note: Now it is in this thread]

I hereby propose a counter-demonstration across the street from Dizzy and the Gang, complete with dueling trombone players and picketers holding signs saying “So-Low Bashin’, “Total Bashin’ for the Total Hype,” “How Low can So-Low Go? ,” “Intrepid isn’t," "Shay it isn't show," and " isn't the end of the world.”  

Please sign up at the TOC Seminar entrance and get your own dozen Atlas eggs for throwing. Try not to be sidetracked by all the many wonderful lectures and presentations.  


* See the beginning of "The Cashing In: The Student 'Rebellion'" by Ayn Rand if you don't know who Mario Savio is.

Maybe they'll let you sign up for the Dizzy's full Total Parasite Bash at the TOC Seminar entrance. If you ask nice enough, who knows?


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Update - Demon Banana got the dates wrong.

It's a whole new ballgame, folks. Demon Banana just announced that the dates for The Total Parasite Bash are July 7-9.

By the way, I was just alerted that I made in error when I posted the dates. The conference will begin on the evening of Friday July 7th and end on Sunday July 9th.

Awwwwww... now ain't that clever?

Some of those darn folks at TOC might not get their noses out of all those lectures and events. Whatcha gonna do if the The Total Parasite Bash bellyflops?

(drum roll)

(drum roll)

(drum roll)

Eureka! Dizzy done done it! Make one of the days be after the TOC shindig!

Now the folks enjoyin' the TOC shindig can bop over the day after it closes - pictures galore can be taken (and don't forget, Dizzy can take names in the good ole KASS fashion) - then Dizzy's whole Gang can pretend that all these folks were at The Total Parasite Bash the whole time. Hell, Dizzy and the Gang can pretend they are just as as good as TOC is!

(winking with shit-eating grin and giving thumbs up)

As Dizzy says, "It takes smarts to get ahead in life. That's what capitalism is all about."


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  • 3 weeks later...

Update - Crazy Fray makes book-signing announcement

Folks , it just keeps getting better and better. Dizzy's gonna give a speech for the CRAP book-signing at Borders Books, right next to its world-famous picture display of Danish Mohammad cartoons.

Step right up. Step right up. Read all about it!

The title of Dizzy's speech for this highbrow event: Bitchin' about Barbara. The rage of rejection.

"My mammy ain't gonna reject me no more - no siree. I'll call anyone who reminds me of my mammy and rejects me a poo-poo head."

The Objectivist folks enjoyin' the fine lectures at the TOC Seminar can catch a Dizzy bitchin' good time at The Total Parasite Bash.

(winking with shit-eating grin and giving thumbs up)

As Dizzy says, "Ain't capitalism great? We are changing the world!"


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  • 2 weeks later...

Update - Demon Banana puts Parasite Bash on ice

In a historical change of events, Demon Banana just announced the postponement of The Total Parasite Bash.

Our decision is based on the fact that we just don't have enough pieces of the puzzle in place to move ahead with it on such short notice.

We don't know yet if Dizzy's fine talk, Bitchin' about Barbara. The rage of rejection, or the CRAP booksigning are still on. Don't worry, folks. Demon's a fine young man. He's still learning his gig, but I'm sure we'll find out soon enough.

I apologize to anyone who may have made plans around a July SOLO Conference.

Ain't that sumpin'? Ain't nobody made no plans like that. Everybody was planning to be at the TOC seminar. What a damn shame, too. Such a fine audience, all waitin' and ready for all that moochin'.

Now nobody will benefit from TOC's audience but TOC (and its audience). Life just ain't fair sometimes, but you gotta' know how to take your lumps. Here are some of the events we will unfortunately miss:

    How to make Dizzy tingle when the world forgets he is a great man.
    "Anyone can buttlick - that is easy. But to buttlick the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way - that is not easy." (Aristotle)
    Coordinator: Demon Banana, with dynamic interactive audience participation.
    Cashing in on the Unearned
    Lecture by Jimmy Intrepid on intellectual property and copyright protection. Special focus on "When Violation is not Infringement."
    World Premier of Romantic Pomo
    Recently discovered rare Mario Lanza recording played in public for the first time. Lanza endearingly sings a vocal transcription of John Cage's 4'33" (aka Four and a Half Minutes of Silence). Admission, $200 a pop. Extra charge for tissues.
    Jerrying Smear Techniques into Productive Achievement
    Dyin' O'Shayme's famous nonfiction writing course. Special emphasis is given to the themes: "Turnabout's Fair Play" and "When to Turn, Getting your Timing Right!"
      Don't worry, folks. More news is comin' soon. Get crackin', Demon! It ain't over til it's over.
      (winking with shit-eating grin and giving thumbs up)
      As Dizzy says, "So what? The world's full of suckers. This boy ain't for turnin'!"
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  • 3 weeks later...
Proposed MSK nicknames and sundry descriptions:  

Brandens' poster-boy (my all-time for-real favorite, which I bear proudly)  

Barbara Branden's chief low-level supporter (another favorite)  


Toxic slug  


Incomparably odious  


New age  

Anti-conceptual acid fountainhead  

One hell of a disappointment  


Piece of shit  

Immoral scum who lie in practically every post  

Pompous ass of the first order  


Crazed Cockroach Kelly  

Michael Stuart Kelly-Stuart-Stuart (Dizzy's most inept inspiration)  


Vicious man with an evil agenda  


Stupid ideas  

Massive evasion  

Evader (used in simple mode, without the "massive")  

Pathological evader  

Mentally ill  




Scout master of Objectivism  

Perfectly reliable law of nature (I kinda like that one, too)  


Snivelling self-indulgence  

Enslavement mentality  

Cane toad  


Uses altruism as his tool to create slaves  

Incapable of holding a coherent train of thought  

Morally unfastidious  

One of the most odious people I've ever encountered  

I doubt he is a sincere man  

So low a life-form  

Greatest licker and sucker of all  

Great Pretender himself  

Talking ape  

Male PMS  

A bit like Hemingway as a boxer  

For the Ojectivist Living site (in my homage, of course):  

Cockroach Corner  

Branden Community Church  

Nasty folks (malicious motive)  

Communist Living  

Intellectual/cultural ghetto for the Brandens  

Any port in a storm  

Branden Temple  


The anti-Rand site for Brandroids, back-stabbers & buttlickers

I'm going to have to start working out! He is challenging my name calling superiority!

Can't have that!


p.s -He is quite good at it, isn't he? Give the acid breathed devil his due!

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He is quite good at it, isn't he?


To answer your question, if you are talking about Dizzy the answer is no. That would take more talent that he has. This list is a collection from several people over time.

It is a fact that every last one of these people are or were in Dizzy's gang.

btw - I add to that list periodically.


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  • 12 years later...
On 5/28/2006 at 7:19 PM, Dragonfly said:

Ha Michael, you got a new one: skunk!

There must be something animal about you: cockroach, cane toad, talking ape, skunk... geez, one of these days they'll even call you a dragonfly.

What do you call yourself philosophically? A fan of Rand? An Objectivist with a capital ‘O’? An objectivist with a lower case ‘o’? A Toleration-ist? An ARI guy? An Atlas Society gal? Cultish people have been called Rand-roids and other derogatory terms. Is there a “secret home of objectivists” hidden in the landscape? Is there a Galt’s Gulch in the mountains, or on an island? Of course the co-founder of Wikipedia and a former moderator of objectivist forums, is Jimmy Wales and he is a fan of Ayn Rand. Peter

Some notes from: Objectivist movement From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia . . . . The claims of cultism have continued in more recent years. In 2004, Thomas Szasz wrote in support of Rothbard's 1972 essay, and in 2006, Albert Ellis published an updated edition of his 1968 book that included favorable references to Walker's. Similarly, Walter Block, while expressing admiration for some of Rand's ideas and noting her strong influence on libertarianism, , described the Objectivist movement as "a tiny imploding cult.". . . . Rand stated that "I am not a cult", and said in 1961 that she did not want "blind followers." In the wake of NBI's collapse, she declared that she did not even want an organized movement.

Jim Peron responded to Shermer, Rothbard and others with an argument that similarities to cults are superficial at best and charges of cultism directed at Objectivists are ad hominem attacks. Objectivism, he said, lacks layers of initiation, a hierarchy, obligation, cost or physical coercion:

I cannot see how a disembodied philosophy can be a cult. I say Objectivism was disembodied because there was no Objectivist organization to join. The Nathaniel Branden Institute gave lectures, but had no membership. You could subscribe to a newsletter but you couldn't join. Objectivism was, and is, structure-less. And without a structure there cannot be cult. [...] The vast majority of self-proclaimed Objectivists are people who read Rand's works and agreed with her. Most have never attended an Objectivist meeting nor subscribed to any Objectivist newsletter.

In 2001, Rand's long-time associate Mary Ann Sures remarked: Some critics have tried to turn her certainty into a desire on her part to be an authority in the bad sense, and they accuse her of being dogmatic, of demanding unquestioning agreement and blind loyalty. They have tried, but none successfully, to make her into the leader of a cult, and followers of her philosophy into cultists who accept without thinking everything she says. This is a most unjust accusation; it's really perverse. Unquestioning agreement is precisely what Ayn Rand did not want. She wanted you to think and act independently, not to accept conclusions because she said so, but because you reached them by using your mind in an independent and firsthand manner.

Meanwhile, Shermer, who considers himself an admirer of Rand, has tempered his judgment. Contrasting Leonard Peikoff's "heavy-hammer approach" with the "big-tent approach" of The Atlas Society, Shermer told Ed Hudgins: "If we're close enough on the same page about many things, I think it's more useful to cut people some slack, rather than going after them on some smaller points. I don't see the advantage of saying, 'You shouldn't have liked that movie because ultimately, if you were an Objectivist, you wouldn't have.' I guess it was those sorts of judgments made by some Objectiv[ists] that I objected to." end quote

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Peter, from what modest amount I've read of some system-philosophies, it seems the very thing required of one is a broad acceptance of whatever view the philosopher-genius shows you. *He* had these personal epiphanies about existence, emanating from his own mind - they remain *his* concluding principles that you swallow and follow. His product is everything. He writes for other philosophers, later students decipher the work and pass it down to the public. However, the process which led to this product of his inspiration is a mystery one cannot or will struggle to replicate for oneself (and would likely fall apart, if one could). Which, blindly accepted this way is cultish- religious, since you have to believe a philosopher's outcomes on faith. While there was - necessarily - very much of that transcendent and authoritative vision from Rand, you may agree she places equal responsibility on one to work this philosophy-for-life out for oneself, to gradually build it from the same blocks available to her from perceptual reality, and make the vision your own. Quite, beginning with the axioms she laid down and using her methodology--but, both proving themselves by dint of and in the course of their usage. Objectivism is mostly a cohesive method. Has there ever been a philosophy such as this, that places the weight of independent effort back onto its subscriber? Here is a "DIY" system taken from real things which one needs compare with and will apply back to further real 'things'. Reality = the philosophy, and the other way round. When they don't correspond, one's made a mistake. Most critics of O'ism - of course - resent the hoi-polloi being directly presented with a 'useful', non-ivory tower philosophy which bypasses their revered authority figures, one that eventually liberates the individual even from his mentor. In fewer words, I'll second MSK.

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