100 Bad Movies You Should See Before You Die

[emb021]

Could you give me some other titles Hiasson wrote. I remember a novel involving the Everglades.

Tourist Season (1986)

Double Whammy (1987)

Skin Tight (1989)

Native Tongue (1991)

Strip Tease (1993)

Stormy Weather (1995)

Lucky You (1997)

Naked Came the Manatee (1998) (Collaboration with 12 other authors)

Sick Puppy (2000)

Basket Case (2002)

Hoot (2002) (young adult novel- Released as a movie in May 2006)

Skinny Dip (2004)

Flush (2005) (young adult novel)

Nature Girl (2006)

[BAMF]

I don't watch bad movies. What's the matter with you people?

If you believe that watch "Hostel." Bring a barf bag.

--Brant

Definitely bring a barf bag. I literally threw up in my mouth. Hostel...I actually liked it, in a funny way. It served its purpose. To me, slasher movies are made just to gross out. Hostel did just that. Of course, I like to see just how much gore I can take.

I think Quentin Tarantino just wanted to put as much sex and gore into his movie as possible. If you like sex, watch the first half. If you like to vomit, watch the second half. Then again, if you like to vomit, you could watch the first half as well. I hear they're making a Hostel 2...I'm sure that'll be great.

Another hilariously bad horror movie is House of 1,000 Corpses, directed by Rob Zombie. SO funny. SO bad.

If you want a real scare, watch The Descent. I literally screamed in the theater.

[John Dailey]

~ I expected MUCH more from DESCENT, especially after a good '1st act' beginning. Had such been there, I could've accepted the nihilistic ending (which struck me as tacked on.)

~ Well done scenes (not to mention 'trailer'); lousy story-point. Might's well re-read LORD OF THE FLIES; and these were supposedly 'adults'! Definitely in the running for 1st prize for 'Most Worstest Movie Made Yet'.

LLAP

J:D

[Michael Stuart Kelly]

Those who like Striptease might be interested to know that this is actually a Brazilian film style called Pornochanchada.

Brazilian critics and the arrival of hardcore porn ended this form in Brazil. The basic idea of light eroticism (especially with a guy who gets bug-eyed looking at beautiful semi-naked women, like Burt Reynolds did in Striptease) wedded to a more dramatic plot than usual for comedy, with more comic situations than gags, is how I would define this form. The very first time I saw Striptease, I thought more in this line might be coming from Hollywood, and I haven't seen much else with the big names.

The producers marketed Striptease focusing on the stripping, which is a bit misleading. I have perceived that a negative impression is caused by people thinking they are getting a steamer, but getting a dramatic comedy instead with only touches of eroticism.

Michael

[Brant Gaede]

When I was 14 or 15 I saw "The Creature From the Black Lagoon" and got so worked up I kept going out to the lobby to wring my hands. A couple of years earlier--or more years earlier--I watched one of those black and white flying saucer movies at the local YMCA. I kept heading out of the room, snagging my foot on the electrical cord for the 16mm projector shutting off the movie. The other boys were really pissed off at me, especially the second time.

--Brant

[Chris Grieb]

Brant; A whole bunch of movies came out in the 50ths in which monsters where created because of atomic bomb testing. Them( giant ants) Godizilla and all of the Godizilla movies. We also got movies with aliens attacking from outer space. War of the Worlds is probably the best of these. It is worth mentioned that Independence Day is more expensive remake of War of the Worlds.

[John Dailey]

Brant:

~ Chris is correct re the '50's 'monster' movies: blame the atomic bomb/testing. --- I was a kid then...and loved every second of those dumb movies.

~ But, you say you saw THE CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON. Did you catch it in '3-D' (you know: with those dumb colored cardboard glasses)? Now that was scary stuff!

Mike:

~ It's not nice to bring up stuff that none of us can evaluate....uh-h-h...unless you got some copies we can download? :drool: Purely for intellectually-evaluational purposes, of course.

LLAP

J:D

Edited February 24, 2007 by John Dailey

[Chris Grieb]

TCM has been showing Oscar winners and last night had The Greatest Show on Earth on. What at turkey. Bad acting, bad plot. I have come to the conclusion that Cecil B DeMille was a very overrated director. I think he would tell his actors start chewing the scenery and don't stop until its all gone. This movie won best picture.

Edited February 24, 2007 by Chris Grieb

[Rich Engle]

If you want to get into the whole "B" movie mentality, Steven King wrote an excellent non-fiction book on the topic called Dans Macabre.

Being who he is, his insights on group psychology, cult movies, and such are well worth it. Hit Amazon and probably score one for a couple bucks, you won't regret it.

[Dragonfly]

If you want to get into the whole "B" movie mentality, Steven King wrote an excellent non-fiction book on the topic called Dans Macabre.

I suppose that should be Danse Macabre.

[Rich Engle]

Yeah. It's eighteen degrees here and it's affecting my digital dexterity.

[Chris Grieb]

Danse Macarbe refers to Apollo and Dynosys. The only other person who I had read with that distinction was Ayn Rand.

[Rich Engle]

If we're talking about bad movies, we'd be remiss unless we include the Godzilla stuff. There are certain ones in there where I'm not sure what I like the most-- the cheesey leisure suits, the swanky helmets, or just the overdubs.

Seeing the strings, I just take that for granted.

Then again, there's Ray Milland in "The Man With The X-Ray Eyes."

But honestly, as far as Milland goes, "Lost Weekend" is more distressing and depressing than any horror flick I've ever seen. Man, you just want to sink hot lead in your head...

[John Dailey]

~ Obviously no one in this thread (thank your lucky-charms stars!) has seen ROBOT MONSTER ('53); an Ed Wood film that he never made.

LLAP

J:D

P.S: Is there really a need for this cinematic-masochismic thread? :hmm:

[Chris Grieb]

John; If you think there's no need for it why do you keep contributing?

[Brant Gaede]

John, "The Creature form the Black Lagoon" was a conventional black and white flick.

--Brant

[Chris Grieb]

Brant; You're right about Creature but I thought it was later done in 3-D also. I saw Dial M for Murder in 3-D in the 80ths and found that a good director could make a very riveting movie. The scene where the Grace Kelly character kills the intruder had some of the people in the audience ready to run out of the theatre. I think I started for the exit.

[Rich Engle]

Most all the B movies were so bad they were good, if you are into camp. Heck, consider "The Blob." The blob was kept in a bucket when they made it.

Some B movies got really intense, esp. the Vincent Price trilogy-type stuff.

We watch a lot of this stuff over at my place in between times. Have a pretty good library of them.

Other badness: Black exploitation movies, like "Blackula." Man, it's worth watching just for the costumes and sets.

rde

Wonders why so many black people love kung fu movies so much, and still trying to find more than one black Objectivist. A connundrum indeed...

Edited February 26, 2007 by Rich Engle

[John Dailey]

Chris:

~ I'm a masochist, as, obviously, we all are :rofl:

Brant:

~ You saw it 'conventionally' wherever; *I* saw it with the glasses in it's 1st run in our city. Why argue what I said that *I* saw?

LLAP

J:D

[Brant Gaede]

Chris:

~ I'm a masochist, as, obviously, we all are :rofl:

Brant:

~ You saw it 'conventionally' wherever; *I* saw it with the glasses in it's 1st run in our city. Why argue what I said that *I* saw?

LLAP

J:D

I'd love to see a black and white film in 3-D, esp. this one!

--Brant

[John Dailey]

Brant:

~ I don't know what to say there! --- Obviously, as usual, I'll fill in anyway.

~ I'm sure it's available, as 3-D, but, you probably just gotta know where to look. Don't ask me. But, 'the Monster' will make you move out of your chair when you see him coming through the screen (hope you don't have a super-large one!)...for you.

~ All I can say is, if you're a fan of 3-D movies in the slightest: search around. A movie seen, then seen in 3-D is then 'different' with a +. IT Came From Outter Space is another to check out.

GL

LLAP

J:D

P.S: Don't forget the cardboard glasses!

Edited March 4, 2007 by John Dailey

[Robert Jones]

I cannot believe we're FOUR pages into this topic, and no-one has mentioned the worst movie of all time, which was produced/directed by the worst director of all time, as a vehicle for his highly overrated actress of a daughter who fooled the Academy into thinking she was some kind of thespian just because she could pull off a British accent.

Herewith is my previously published review of "Duets":

*********

"Great for Party Drinking Games, MST 3000 Practice"

by Robert L. Jones

The origins of this movie are rather simple: Gwyneth Paltrow's producer father Bruce Paltrow went out and called up favors owed him from everyone he knew in Hollywood to get his little girl the Best Actress Oscar statue that always eluded his more talented wife (and Gwyneth's mother), Blythe Danner. So, as payback to daddy for greasing the palms of every has-been and old-timer in the Academy, Gwyneth starred in this strange movie that I am sure has even someone of her average Hollywood talent cringing with embarrassment when she recalls it.

Basically, the film starts out with Huey Lewis (erstwhile jazzy rocker from the 1980s) starring as Ricky, a karaoke singer who is down on his luck (sort of like the real Huey Lewis). There's a great full-frontal nudity gratuitous scene though, to let you know he's a ladies' man. That one 15-second scene has the most entertainment value in the whole movie, as it was rather titillating.

Next we go to Huey meeting Gwyneth (Liv), and instantly the chemistry (oil and water, sorry) begins. Angie Dickinson is pulled out of mothballs for a cameo appearance to give Huey the made-for-TV stock speech "you'd better take care of my little girl, and not blow it like you usually do." Then, it's back to yesteryear oblivion for Angie. This is important, because it establishes a sotto voce plot point that Huey and Liv have this "past" together, and a sottissimo voce point that it's a romantic past.

The subplot of this movie revolves around Todd (Paul Giamatti, who played Howard Stern's boss in "Private Parts") actually a good actor, who must need the work, since he's sort of homely, but can actually act (most of the plum roles these days go to good-looking actors who can't act, like Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise or Kevin Costner). Anyhow, he finds out all of the sudden that his yuppie suburban life has been a lie and a sham, so he hits the road in order to become a karaoke singer. Although a rehash of every hackneyed plot from "Shoot the Moon" to "American Beauty," this one seems more plausible since the pitiful dialogue that comes out of Giamatti's mouth qualifies him for no other work. Another good actor, Andre Braugher, plays a black con on the lamb (Reggie) that befriends Giamatti. This supplies the movie with a lot of great "buddies on the run" scenes right out of the tradition of Robert Urich/Lorenzo Lamas school of TV cop dramas.

There's also a subplot revolving around a really cute couple that you forget instantly. But, gosh, they're so cute, with that "aw shucks" quality that's right out of the best Elia Kazan and Budd Schulberg........oh, I'm sorry, I meant right out of the best Michael Landon and Sherwood Schwartz scripts.

Anyways, these subplots twist, revolve, meander and basically run out of steam until they conspire to locate -- surprise! -- all these karaoke singing drifters at this splendiferous karaoke championship. The suspense is notched up to full-tension here, and this is when all the threads of the plot come together. The cute couple almost misses their big break, but gets to sing just in the nick of time; you also find out that Huey and Gwyneth are -- surprise again! -- father and daughter. "Oh my God," you think to yourself, "what a pervert I must be for thinking that they were lovers," just like the movie was implying all along. Then you suddenly remember that Bruce Paltrow wrote and directed this, and you're scratching your head even more. Hmmmmm. Nonetheless, you would have never guessed that Huey was Gwyneth's father, since he has this nice richness and raspiness to his voice, and her flat performance of "Bette Davis Eyes" makes Kim Carnes' breathy alto sound like Maria Callas.

However, Giamatti and Braugher's final tune bring the movie crashing -- literally -- to a climax. Having hidden behind their karaoke alter egos the entire length of the movie, the police finally get wise to the pair. Knowing the cops are closing in, Reggie belts out a convincing "Freebird," which is the last song you'd ever expect a black guy to sing, since it was by Lynyrd Skynyrd, authors of the Dixiecrat anthem "Sweet Home Alabama." After the last notes resound hauntingly throughout the hotel lounge, Braugher pulls out a gun, and kills himself, a beautiful and touching tribute to Leoncavallo's opera "I Pagliacci," though I'm sure most of the parties involved -- the intended audience, the screenwriters and Bruce Paltrow -- would never know it.

I gave this movie two stars instead of one, based on the pearls-before-swine performances of Giamatti and Braugher, and also because "Duets" makes for a great party drinking game: Predict the lame plot; count the bad made-for-TV stock phrases; drink a shot every time someone sings off-key. Viewers please take caution: You will be approaching blood-alcohol poisoning levels after about 1/2 hour, so think when you drink!

This movie is rated "R" for adult language and situations, nudity and violence. A designated driver is optional.

[Chris Grieb]

Duets; I will waste no time in seeing it. It doesn't seem to get shown so perhaps your review was read. I have frequently observed that Hollywood and American politics have more nepotism than the rest of the American culture.

[John Dailey]

~ If you think about it, what are *we* doing here, in THIS thread? Challenging each as to which is not only 'the WORSE' film, but, additionally, which is 'ordinally' worse than the other?

~ If one was an 'objective' professional film-'reviewer', would one really spend much time on trying to find (and, therefore 'argue' as to just exactly WHY) film 'X' is THE 'worse' one ever done (much less how to prioritize all the bad ones ordinally)?

~ All said and done, there're other threads actually (apart from 'more') worth burning neurons over.

~ My last post in THIS thread, as fun-venting (God, I hated HOMBRE!) as it superficially seemed.

LLAP

J:D

[Greybird]

I can't say that I "recommend" it as a "should see," in any way, but it may have some utilitarian interest:

For many years, I found it hard to get a clear, physically perceptive referent for the concept of "nihilism."

I had no further problem after seeing "The War of the Roses," starring Kathleen Turner and Michael Douglas.

This film has two intelligent, successful people inexplicably falling in love, inexplicably getting enamored of a gorgeous house that they buy and renovate after they get married, and inexplicably turning on each other ... literally destroying each other.

Do you see a theme in the last sentence? Everything is presented as a settled fact, without earning an explanation through either plot or characterization. They exist, they marry, they strive, they hate each other, they "war," they kill each other. No real volition. Nothing leading to any conflict. No reasons. Utter nihilism.

The somewhat-narrator (it's told as flashbacks) and husband's lawyer, played by Danny DeVito (who also directed), comes on at the end to deliver an unconvincing "moral" about marriage, but it's really a null program. All that's really portrayed is the destruction.

That this could be presented in such a straightforward manner, with all the technical skills of Hollywood at its command, and come to nothing but obliteration horrified me, in a way. But it also made me realize that it was a symptom, not something to be feared. The only real annoyance was in my wasting, then, $6 for a ticket.

And I did stay to the end. It wasn't irredeemably stupid, which is my criterion for walking out. It just proclaimed nihilism. I couldn't tear my eyes away any more than I can from a car crash next to the Interstate.

(I've only walked out of a handful among thousands of films, so few that I can remember them all: "Roger & Me," "The Family Jewels," "Funny Farm," and "Meet the Parents.")