Canadian Politics: Boring beyond Belief, or just Dull and Tedious?

[caroljane]

PS, When you read Renault again, tell me the main thing she has in common with Ayn Rand. It's very striking.

They are both female. I never saw anything by Rand with a homosexual theme. The closest thing to man on man love I saw in Rand was when Hank grabbed Francisco to save him from death by fire. It was very Romantic.

Ba'al Chatzaf

Nope, that isn't it. Though I agree about how romantic all the manly maleness is in AS. Makes Mr. Darcy look like a repressed wimp.

[Brant Gaede]

PS, When you read Renault again, tell me the main thing she has in common with Ayn Rand. It's very striking.

They are both female. I never saw anything by Rand with a homosexual theme. The closest thing to man on man love I saw in Rand was when Hank grabbed Francisco to save him from death by fire. It was very Romantic.

Ba'al Chatzaf

Well, it wasn't homosexual but there was the Roark-Wynand relationship. They did take a cruise together in Wynand's yacht and they seemed emotionally much closer than Roark and Dominique. What I'd like to see instead of Wynand being the newspaper tycoon, Dominique being the tycoon combining the Dominique and Gail characters. It is also interesting that "Gail" is a name for both sexes. This is my imagination at work, not a suggestion for a rewrite assuming it was rewritable. It isn't, of course.

--Brant

[Selene]

They both were born in 1905 and died within a year of each other?

They both liked French cars?

[caroljane]

PS, When you read Renault again, tell me the main thing she has in common with Ayn Rand. It's very striking.

They are both female. I never saw anything by Rand with a homosexual theme. The closest thing to man on man love I saw in Rand was when Hank grabbed Francisco to save him from death by fire. It was very Romantic.

Ba'al Chatzaf

Well, it wasn't homosexual but there was the Roark-Wynand relationship. They did take a cruise together in Wynand's yacht and they seemed emotionally much closer than Roark and Dominique. What I'd like to see instead of Wynand being the newspaper tycoon, Dominique being the tycoon combining the Dominique and Gail characters. It is also interesting that "Gail" is a name for both sexes. This is my imagination at work, not a suggestion for a rewrite assuming it was rewritable. It isn't, of course.

--Brant

Brant, I have often wondered if Gail/Dominique wasn't an artist's subconscious variation on Ayn/Frank.

[Philip Coates]

> PS, When you read Renault again, tell me the main thing she has in common with Ayn Rand. It's very striking. [Daunce]

Interesting. (I'm now intrigued and you're trying to force me to bump this up on my to-be-read list, which is mountainous.)

[caroljane]

Clue: It is not any similarity between the authors (though I didn't know about them being the same age - interesting!). It's within the books themselves.

[Selene]

Rand had pussy cats and Renault had ...

oops

nevermind

[caroljane]

Rand had pussy cats and Renault had ...

oops

nevermind

I asked you not to mention Fluffy! Hurry up with that joint custody will you.

[caroljane]

"there'll never be another tonight", Bryan Adams.

Cos I wish they would have Battle of the Blades all year round.

[caroljane]

To: Sled teams 2 and 4

The Grand Shaman is missing in Sector 13 and my dogs can't go, they haven't had a day off since the guys decided to race each other home after Religious Study Group three weeks ago and let them all loose. Go get him back but tell him this is the last time. This is just feeding the unrest among the younger membership and everybody really who knows why he is missing, he can't even find his own way back from his aunt's place and he is the Supreme Cartographer. Supreme my mukluk.

Uh, Confidential, eh?

Nanook

having to do everything as usual

[william.scherk]

Our team of international technical altruists is working hard alongside metaphysicians, Special Air Services, and the Google People to release Daunce Lynum from the No-Post Zone imposed on her by terrorists/gremlins. In the meantime, a dispatch to Jack Layton's mother-in-law, followed by an execrable French translation for devotees of that elegant tongue.

24 Sussex Drive

Office of the Prime Minister

Rt. Hon. Stephen Harper

CONFIDENTIAL TO MRS C. CHOW

c/o Layton, The Commune, Toronto

Dear Cookie. the worst has happened, we got our invitation to the Royal Wedding and Steve says WE MIGHT NOT GO because there might be an election because the Libs and NDPs might not like the budget and I am at my wits end. Already Rachel is whining about why can't she be a bridesmaid in a princess dress instead of 3-year-old babies and speaking of dresses, I have got free ones from all the major Cdn designers and a very strange one from someoplace called the Sacred Igloo, the note said it was Gaga-inspired and incorporated pemmican, ugh why does decadent American culture have to pollute even our Aboriginal peoples. I would ask S to do something about it but I am not speaking to him, I have made him sleep on the couch and hidden his hockey book but nothing is working.

I am going to have Zsuzsanna Zsohar, Ignatieff's wife and Duceppe's wife and Rick Mercer to lunch and I want you and Olivia to come. We have got to convince the boneheaded men to LIKE THE BUDGET because if I do not get to that wedding there will be no more peace order or good government around here, and as you advise I will take no interest in S's "elections".

Could you bring your fabulous poutine gai pan to the lunch? Mrs D just loves it.

Counting on you,

Distractedly, Laureen

<div style="border:thin red groove;padding:5px"><a href="http://www.vdoc.ca/images/teethingpain3.gif" border=2><img width="134px" style="float:right" src="http://i.ebayimg.com/08/!BUs(k!QBmk~$(KGrHgoH-DcEkJw1zHMKBKOwuolRfg~~_12.JPG"></a>Bureau du premier ministre

Le très hon. Stephen Harper

CONFIDENTIEL A MME C. Chow

chez Layton, La Commune, Toronto

Cher Biscuit. le pire est arrivé, nous avons obtenu notre invitation aux noces royales mais Steve dit NOUS NE POURRIONS PAS Y ALLER parce qu'il pourrait y avoir une élection parce que les Libs et le PND pourraient voter contre le budget et je suis au bout du rouleau. Déjà Rachel se plaint pourquoi ne peut-elle être une demoiselle d'honneur dans une robe de princesse, au lieu de 3 ans les bébés et en parler de robes, j'ai obtenu des robes sans frais à partir des designers canadiens importants et j'ai reçu une très étrange jupe de n'importe ou, le Sacré Igloo, et il y en dit qu'elle est d'inspiration Gaga et incorporés pemmican, pouah pourquoi la décadente culture américaine doit polluer toujours nos peuples autochtones. Je voudrais demander à S de faire quelque chose mais je refuse de lui parler, je lui ai fait dormir sur le canapé et caché son livre de hockey, mais rien ne fonctionne.

Je vais inviter Zsuzsanna Zsohar, épouse de Michael Ignatieff et la femme de Duceppe et Rick Mercer à déjeuner et je voudrais que vous et Olivia viendriez. Nous devrions convaincre les hommes crétins de VOTER LE BUDGET parce que si je ne m'assisterait pas à ce mariage il n'y aura pas encore de paix ou de bon gouvernement icitte, et comme vous me conseilliez je vais prendre aucun intérêt aux "élections" de S.

Pourriez-vous apporter votre fabuleux poutine gai pan au déjeuner? Mme D aime ça toute entière.

Nous comptons sur vous,

Distraitement, Laureen </div>

[Selene]

William:

Sounds like a solution is on the way.

Damn those Mounties...full speed ahead!

You do good works.

Adam

Post Script:

There was a piece on Al Jazeera regarding the Avatar Grove, I believe on Vancouver Island (?) in British Columbia

British Columbia Ancient Forests News

You have any insights on the issue between the logging companies and the environmental groups?

[caroljane]

Cookie? It's Laureen. Just want to say thanks again, I couldn't have done it without you! You were so smart to get Olivia to bring you in the car, that paparazzo might have spotted her bike chained to the fence and one of Stephen's weasels would have busted us. It all went great didn't you think? Mercer got here early and brought the booze and he lent me $50 and helped me persuade Gaetan in the kitchen to keep quiet about the guest list for my ladies' luncheon. Stephen has been auditing the household accounts again, why did I have to marry an economist, he told me he would just be in a think tank thinking and plotting to make Canada a free capitalist society, and now look where we are.

Anyway Rick helped me work out the action plan and sell it to Mme (what is her name anyway? I just went with Madame and she didn't seem to mind) and Szszuszie. I was a little worried when Mme aske

her if she was a Kabbalist because her name is Zohar, but it seemed to be an icebreaker. So we're set for tomorrow. Olivia will recruit a group of neighbourhood multicultural monarchists to picket Jack's constituency office. Szue will remind her husband that he's descended from Russian nobility and could lose the entire UEL vote. Mme will tell Gilles that it is an issue of male oppression of the feminine which Quebecoise do not like especially her.

Now who do I tell Stephen was here (or let Gaetan tell him, I am still not speaking to him). How about Maritime Hockey Mothers Union? That should work.

The poutine was spectacular!

Talk to you later, bye.

[caroljane]

MULTICULTURE NEWS

After decades of strenuous grim effort, the Scottish-Canadian community has finally received its rightful recognition, with the adoption of the Maple Leaf Tartan as an official symbol of Canada. This tartan,designed in 1964, now joins the beaver and the loon as a hallmark of our culture.

Heritage Minister James Candour said today that the addition of the tartan is a tribute to the Scottish community which "for four hundred years has made great contributions to our national progress and culture."

It's about bluidy time they said thank you!

So take a bow, MacDonald, McWilliam, McKeever, McShcerk--or if ye're wearin' yer kilts, take a curtsey.

And keep on making those contributions-- I need your tax money to pay my exorbitant wages.

Jacobita

[anthony]

It's about bluidy time they said thank you!

So take a bow, MacDonald, McWilliam, McKeever, McShcerk--or if ye're wearin' yer kilts, take a curtsey.

And keep on making those contributions-- I need your tax money to pay my exorbitant wages.

Jacobita

Carol,

I'm getting that left-out feeling.

It's time to reveal that my paternal Grandmother was a Ferguson, with plaid and all - AND, to cap it, she and Grandad considered moving (from '50's London) to Ontario!

So, don't I qualify for your clan?

Tony (I'd join any club that wouldn't have me as a member.)

[caroljane]

It's about bluidy time they said thank you!

So take a bow, MacDonald, McWilliam, McKeever, McShcerk--or if ye're wearin' yer kilts, take a curtsey.

And keep on making those contributions-- I need your tax money to pay my exorbitant wages.

Jacobita

Carol,

I'm getting that left-out feeling.

It's time to reveal that my paternal Grandmother was a Ferguson, with plaid and all - AND, to cap it, she and Grandad considered moving (from '50's London) to Ontario!

So, don't I qualify for your clan?

Tony (I'd join any club that wouldn't have me as a member.)

FRATERNAL ORDER OF THE SACRED IGLOO Local 13

Dear Brother McWhynot,

Please be advised that as per your membership in the Brotherhood you are also automatically registered as an Intuitive Scot and entitled to wear any tartan of your choice including the Maple Leaf and our distinctive Secret Tartan which is invisible to the uninitiated.

Do not wear it to the next meeting however, as even more subzero temperatures than usual are forecast.

Your entitlements are clearly stated in the small print of the Sacred Oath which you signed in blood.

I see that I will have to conduct a refresher course on the rights and responsibilities of Brotherhood. You have just volunteered as Course Facilitator and Sled Driver #2, you know who has gone missing again.

ISS,

Nanook McGuire

assistant to the Grand Shaman and the Assistant Shaman

[caroljane]

FRATERNAL ORDER OF THE SACRED IGLOO Local 13

Dear Brothers,

It is with great but humble joy that we announce the success of Aim 267 of the Secret Plan which aim need no longer be secret because it has been achieved!

The whole world, that is to say the United States, will now conform to the strictures of the Royal Conservatory of Music and bow down before our rules and be teachedtaught by our teachings in the vital sector of Music.

This crucial breakthrough has been achieved by brothers whom we cannot name but can only indicate such as by Grade 9, Big Beatles fan, Grade 8, multitalented dual citizen, and many lower grade others who have practiced tirelessly until they reached Carnegie Hall.

Embedded in the program are increasingly complex variations of "Un Canadien Errant", "Sudbury Saturday Night" and other classics, and systematic eradication of "My Way".

This is only the beginning. We shall achieve the other 266 points of the Secret Plan, maybe not this week but sometime. This week we got the Study Group and Karaoke Bingo and a couple funerals, and a lot of pemmican to scrape.

Elatedly

Gord (Grade 3 but taking lessons from Prof Saitpeu again)

Acting Shaman

[Mike11]

And in other news, time for the eighth election in three years! Hurrah!

Voting NDP, you?

[caroljane]

And in other news, time for the eighth election in three years! Hurrah!

Voting NDP, you?

But of course, Comrade. Layton's my MP and Mike Prue the MPP, it's the old orange flute and wearing the green around here all the time.

[caroljane]

HOLY ULAQ!

The newsletter of the Fraternal Order of the Sacred Igloo

POLARCON 2011 - ARCTICLICIOUS!

This year's Polarcon was the most successful ever, with more than 78 brothers from farflung Finland, Lapland, Trans-Siberia and South Africa joining us at the North Pole for the traditional Brothers Greeting and Hot Drink Reception, which kicked off three days of frolic and fellowship!

As always the Hot Drink Reception provided old favourites and new twists, glogg and kmuss vying with Screechin' Blazin' Screech and You Only Think It's Hot Cause You're Inuit for the coveted title of Best New Drink. The prize was awarded by honorary judge Brother Tony, whose arrival among us with our sled dogs was a delightful surprise, not least to him, since when the airport officials put him in the cargo hold with the dogs he was assured he would be let out in Toronto and get tea at the King Edward. After sampling the entrants in the contest, he announced that each and every one of them beat tea all to hell, and he was feeling much better. There is the true meaning of brotherhood!

Study sessions on Day Two included presentations on our latest triumphs of the Secret Plan. Jukka- Perka " Perki-Mikki" Mikkinaaanen described the masterful strategy which led to Finland getting written about in the Canadian media, and the application of the Igloo method of manipulating statistics to make ourselves look smarter. Our own Assistant Shaman Gord, assisted by noted composer Bartolo Sansoreille, outlined our infiltration and conquest of the American musical establishment.

We then broke into small groups to plan the tactics for the remaining 266 goals of the Plan. Very small groups.

All too soon came the moment of fond farewell. At the sacred Campfire our Altaic brothers moved us to laughter and tears with their musical setting of a Shakespeare speech, "We Finn, we happy Finn, we band of brothers..".

On the way home Brother Gordon "Gripe" Gallstone (no relation to Gord) realized that he had left his ten pages of notes on the Flaws of the Conference and How to Improve Them, and demanded that we turn back to retrieve them from the Pole. With one voice we told him to leave them there, where the sun don't shine.

Edited March 30, 2011 by daunce lynam

[caroljane]

FRATERNAL ORDER OF THE SACRED IGLOO Local 13

CONFIDENTIAL REPORT

Criticisms of Catering at PolarCon

We have analyzed the catering situation at our recent successful convention and address the main criticisms below.

1. "Nobody got anything to eat".

This is a baseless accusation. It is true that Brother Tony did not eat anything, but he was the only one. He slept most of the time after the Reception, and had sufficient energy to be the life and soul of the Farewell Campfire with his Zulu/Xhosa fusion war dance.

Brothers Gord, Doug, Nanook and the other Gord shared pemmican and cheese sandwiches that Gord's wife Claudine packed in their shelter.

The Riel twins ate some Kraft Dinner that their mom packed, right out in the open and would not share with anybody else.

Brother Joel was observed behind a large rock opening a basket and eating different things out of it, with cutlery.

Furthermore, the Lapps shared reindeer meat and the Trans-Siberians had brought a whole sack of whale blubber with which they were generous.

In addition the Hot Drinks, as always, contained a maximum of nutritious ingredients.

Our conclusion is that "Gripes" from "Constant Complainers" should not prevail over the glorious tradition of Fraternity, Cooperation and Individuality which is the essence of our sacred Order.

Respectfully submitted,

Catering Committee

F.X. Bushman, Secretary

[caroljane]

FRATERNAL ORDER OF THE SACRED IGLOO Local 13

CONFIDENTIAL REPORT

Criticisms of Catering at PolarCon

We have analyzed the catering situation at our recent successful convention and address the main criticisms below.

1. "Nobody got anything to eat".

This is a baseless accusation. It is true that Brother Tony did not eat anything, but he was the only one. He slept most of the time after the Reception, and had sufficient energy to be the life and soul of the Farewell Campfire with his Zulu/Xhosa fusion war dance.

Brothers Gord, Doug, Nanook and the other Gord shared pemmican and cheese sandwiches that Gord's wife Claudine packed in their shelter.

The Riel twins ate some Kraft Dinner that their mom packed, right out in the open and would not share with anybody else.

Brother Joel was observed behind a large rock opening a basket and eating different things out of it, with cutlery.

Furthermore, the Lapps shared reindeer meat and the Trans-Siberians had brought a whole sack of whale blubber with which they were generous.

In addition the Hot Drinks, as always, contained a maximum of nutritious ingredients.

Our conclusion is that "Gripes" from "Constant Complainers" should not prevail over the glorious tradition of Fraternity, Cooperation and Individuality which is the essence of our sacred Order.

Respectfully submitted,

Catering Committee

F.X. Bushman, Secretary

Gord,

I know I said "complaints" but really there was only the one.

There was one Finn who was lactose intolerant and he did complain at the Hot Drinks but we found him a lot of beverages without any mares' milk and he stopped complaining.

There has been a lot of talk about the Ladies Auxiliary and if they should be so activist on their own and if it is reflecting on the Order.

I know your wife Claudine was an organizer of the Sluts Parade in sympathy with those feminists in Toronto. Did you watch that at the satellite hut? Some of those babes were so hot they were sure making their point whatever it was! And did you get a load of that granny in the weird hat thing and the shawl and not much else?

Personally I thought Claudine was very creative in the way she cut up that pemmican dress for everybody to wear. It is not often that our gals get to dress like sluts in this climate and I thought they did it very tastefully.

Some people are worrying that the women are getting too rambunctious but they will settle down. Now they are focused on getting Harper to take Laureen to that wedding. They are in contact with 24 Sussex and the original dress is in special storage there and still has a chance of being worn. They are thinking about sending a delegation to Ottawa. That will keep them busy.

Griper is late with his dues again and says he is withholding them on principle, the cheap bastard.

ISS,

Bushy

[caroljane]

CONFIDENTIAL

Gord,

Joel has got the internet going at the satellite hut again and he says he thinks we have been mentioned there somewhere down in the States! But not exactly part of the Secret Plan, I don't know what to think. It was about an "obscure pan-Arctic aboriginal organization" and says the international security agencies are watching us.

Obscure! The Igloo is the most famous lodge here and the oldest, also the only one. Typical sloppy reporting. As to the security, you know there are a whole bunch of Mounties here now because of Prince Harry getting lost, and Claudine and the girls snowshoeing out to find him and get him to make Harper go that wedding.

I don't think they are onto the SP but thought I better check. One of the Mounties who is a Mason (second cousin) asked me if we were really the Slavus Medicii and I didn't know what to say, nobody knows that except the Grand Shaman, do you think you could get a straight answer out of him? Not that I would say anything.

Brother J still has not paid his dues but he is the only one who can work the internet and he did get Grampa McAloon out of the woods, so tell Nanook to lay off until things blow over.

For now I will assume everything is OK and I will tell the Mounties I don't know anything because I really don't anyway.

ISS,

Doug

[Philip Coates]

Subject: Canadian Sense of Propriety and Decorum?

I have a question for our very proper Canadian friends:

Many years ago, I visited Toronto and rode on the trolley? subway? with some Canadian Objectivists. Usually in New York, if the subway car is too hot, too noisy, no seats, or a 500 pound man is doing a striptease, New Yorkers simply walk through the cars to another.

I started to urge my compadres to do this, but they were shocked, horrified. Proper people North of the border apparently don't do this, only trailer trash, if I gathered or remember correctly.

What's up with that? Is opening the door and walking into another car still equivalent to farting at a royal wedding in Canada?

Do you have to pay double because you used two cars? Do you have to wipe off the seats after you get up? Is everyone required to wear a vest during national holidays -- even the French-Canadians who don't own shoes? Do Canadian mobsters lift their little pinkie when they use a machete to lop off someone's head who didn't pay off his losing hockey bets?

Please explain. (I'm not making this incident up, though. It actually happened. There are still Canadian Objectivists who have never forgiven me.)

Edited April 13, 2011 by Philip Coates

[caroljane]

Subject: Canadian Sense of Propriety and Decorum?

I have a question for our very proper Canadian friends:

Many years ago, I visited Toronto and rode on the trolley? subway? with some Canadian Objectivists. Usually in New York, if the subway car is too hot, too noisy, no seats, or a 500 pound man is doing a striptease, New Yorkers simply walk through the cars to another.

I started to urge my compadres to do this, but they were shocked, horrified. Proper people North of the border apparently don't do this, only trailer trash, if I gathered or remember correctly.

What's up with that? Is opening the door and walking into another car still equivalent to farting at a royal wedding in Canada?

Do you have to pay double because you used two cars? Do you have to wipe off the seats after you get up? Is everyone required to wear a vest during national holidays -- even the French-Canadians who don't own shoes? Do Canadian mobsters lift their little pinkie when they use a machete to lop off someone's head who didn't pay off his losing hockey bets?

Please explain. (I'm not making this incident up, though. It actually happened. There are still Canadian Objectivists who have never forgiven me.)

Phil, first LOLOL.

Second, if you are angling for an associate membership in the Fraternal Order this is not the way to go about it. You must be recommended by a Secret Brother and complete the Forty-Nine Tasks. I'll put in a good word for you.

Third, I am surprised and pleased to hear that there are Canadian Objectivists, I did not know anyone had survived the successive purges.

Our mobsters are mostly of Italian extraction and do not use machetes but garottes and in conformity to local culture, skate sharpeners. I am reliably informed that they raise all of their fingers, and bring them down again.

As to the shoes that is a vile slander, the French Canadians are all provided with shoes, two pairs a year per family, if they do not choose to wear them that is not the fault of the government. I myself as an Anglo never wear shoes unless I absolutely have to.

About the subway doors, seriously, you are right. Nobody can open the doors except the drivers or guards and in fact I have never seen them opened while the train is in service. I don't know the reason but I will enquire, my son works for the TTC. I am sure there is a good reasonable collectivist explanation.

In solidarity,

Carol