I've chosen the work I want to do and the way I'll have to do it. I love my work, it is my pride & joy. And for some reason I'm crying right now because the word that describes it is "Sanctity". I'm scared, I now see, that man's evolution isn't going to give me enough work this way; so I draw it out. I want to rape my work. But the missing/desired/unexpressed I guess is that I'll never win. WIN TO LIVE MY LIFE FOR MY LOVE OF IT, NOT FOR OTHERS, OR OTHERS FOR I. I guess this had to be said. Everyone who wants to live in their own capacity give your warcry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
maybe this doesn't work...it's still unexpressed
i guess this is metaphysics. As you feel pain/pleasure, happiness/sadness, & physical pleasure in response to things & you can choose the positives to not feel, and the negatives to feel. What is the driving force behind free will? I have never believed in god. But man's clash with nature, that's the most heroic battle ever told. There are no contradictions such as man choose. So maybe it's the slimers living the easy road that we should have had which destroys me. I will win. I will destroy peter keating, wesley mouch, the zero(sum)
my childhood best friend, a prime mover said, a parasite does not have consciousness.
So now to the title: you may have heard the term "egodeath". I am now defining it: I have felt the total nonexistence. I have felt lesser forms. DO NOT EVER LET THEM THINK YOU ARE BEING ROBBED, BEING CHASED, BEING TORTURED, WATCHING A FIRING SQUAD, OR THE GUILLOTINE.
In my tribute to Rand I will say: I have felt all physicals pains. They are NOTHING to the torture of the altruist-collective.