ginny

You did. Thanks. Damn, that's a lot to go through. You two got married because you needed some kind of home. In effect, you were dealing with four parents who couldn't really be there. Was Agnes a part of your life throughout all of this?

Okay, you were raised by your mom and step-dad. Mom dies and step-dad can't handle it, so you guys go into foster care. Later, you find you bio dad, who is married to your step-witch. Is this right? You could do a whole TV series on the twists and turns you went through. A series would be good, cause at the end, our Russian goddess could make an entrance smoking a cigarette. "You people are all irrational!!"

Is the father you've referred to your step-father?

There wasn't a bigotry problem until the three Stooges rode in on their lame horses. Each of their bits of ignorance ends up in the garbage. Why not just eliminate the middle man.

We charge a lot. We're selfish, remember? Get the checkbook out!

Cathy, I forgot about how your are struggling to remember. Yeah, that makes it difficult, cause you need to think in order to remember. Damn. Is it any comfort to you that you have turned yourself into a lovely human being. It seems the curse of the O'Connors is stopping with you. There's a chance that posting here will get a lot of it out. Beats drinking.

No, Robert, it is a Jewish forum member trying to understand that sort of thinking.

I wish I knew what to do with the lousy memories. What helps me is when they come into my mind, I immediately force myself to think of something else instead of dwelling on it. For example, if stuff like "damn, i wish I'd been allowed to have friends ..." pops up, I immediately snap back, "Okay, chicken for dinner. Let's see if I have any cranberry sauce." It works, and after a while, it gets easy. It may sound weird, but it is possible to stop the bad thoughts. It's hard, so I work at it. The good thing is that by the time you're done with the second thought, the first one will have melted away - at least, with practice. The hardest thing to deal with is the fact that there can be pleasure in all of those bad memories. You want to relive the past hoping that some day, some how, the ending will be different. It allows a person to feel sorry for herself and not move forward. It's a private pity party.

You want an answer for ignorance? Even the Jews haven't solved that one.

Futility: useless, meaningless. Holding on is useless. "they have always had the power." THey aren't here anymore. You're the only one who's giving them power now. Cathy, I hope we're not coming on too hard. But you've had to be brave and strong to survive. That's the part of you that important.

Happy Birthday. Have fun.

You know what they say, for women, sex begins in the kitchen. So good to see a man who gets the concept.

Right, Ellen. I knew Rothbard and the wife were in the story. Thanks.

You know about congealed blood? OMG, that I love the blutwurst (blood sausage) I grew up with is my most shamefull embarrassing secret. I always figured if anyone knew they'd think I was weird. Guess I just came out of the meat closet. A weight has been lifted.

Cathy, I too grew up with abuse. But the more you hang on to it, the more it breaks you. You said you wished they were alive so you could tell them to go to hell. It's reliving the past until you get the ending you want. I did it for years. The ending is what it is. It's not fair. There is no why. Confused people can cause a lot of misery. The only way out of the cycle is to stop that internal conversation with yourself where you try to change things. Impossible. Sure, the whole gang mistreated you and your sister for whatever reason. But look at what you have, which I doubt they did. You have a family that loves you and who you love. That's pure gold, Cathy. Right now, you're in a statec of shock. But just remember what you have NOW. For what it's worth, this crazy godless gang of nuts is rooting for you.

Absolutely. For me, it's been a lifetime battle, so I understand Cathy, but also the futility of it all.

More words of wisdom: You can choose to be imprisoned by the past, or you can move on with your life. Someone stop me!

Here's one of Ayn's beliefs: You cannot be responsible for how someone else reacts.

What I like about you is that you're trying to find a way out of the trauma. Your poor sister seems to be hanging on to it for dear life.

I finally broke down and read a partial list. JTS, anyone can say those things. Doesn't mean they're true. No need to panic.

When I was 6 living in a French village, I helped the butcher make hot dogs. We used intestines as casing and put real ground meat in it. Maybe not so much today.

Adam, I understand the concept of a dom relationship. I just don't acccept it. In other words, spank me and lose an arm.

Thanks. I'm sure I'll be able to use the smokespoutinerie, and I noticed the double bacon. Dear lord!!. What does this stuff taste like?

Cathy, nothing you've said has made me dislike Ayn, don't worry. As I said, quite the opposite. As much as I do respect the things she advocated, my problems with her started the first night of my first lecture. Keep remembering. I'll try and imagine her singing to a little girl about the evil's of smoking. You don't know the depth of her influence among some people when it comes to smoking. Barbara tells a tale (and others, I believe) that one of the group member's wife was interrogated (kind of like you were here) because she didn't smoke. An answer as to WHY she didn't smoke was demanded. I mean, shit, how two-faced was this woman? Sorry but it pisses me off. Anyway, do ask questions while reading. I think you might have a lot. The characters in Fountainhead are Super-Rand. Or, as she stated, one character is her in a bad mood. Let's try and keep that picture in mind.

Mike, I'm not eating that stuff. The description you have must be basic, 'cause there's gravy and other stuff that gets added. I wasn't making up the calorie count. Perhaps innocent Carol can explain the workings of the Canadian stomach. I'm thinking Tums must be a best-seller up north.