Feeling ornery

[Michael Stuart Kelly]

I'm feeling ornery all of a sudden and I came across a cute post called 10 Things To Do At a Wal-Mart. Here are the 10 suggestions.

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms & randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
   
2. Set all the alarm clocks in house wares to go off at 5 minute intervals.
   
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor to the rest rooms.
   
4. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
   
5. While handling guns in the hunting department ask the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.
   
6. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the theme from "Mission Impossible."
   
7. In the auto department, practice your Madonna look using different size funnels
   
8. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through say, "PICK ME! PICK ME!"
   
9. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "NO! NO! It's those voices again." .....and last but not least,
   
10. Go into a fitting room and yell loudly, "Hey! We're out of toilet paper in here!"
    

Heh heh heh heh heh...

Suddenly I feel better...

Michael

[BAMF]

Hey Mike, this isn't very serious of you. *wags finger*

Very funny. Reminds me of this thing I read ages ago about how to annoy people in an elevator:

http://www.getannoyed.com/elevator.htm

My favorites:

Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, “That’s mine!”

If anyone brushes against you, whisper to them "was it good for you too?"

Announce in a demonic voice: “I must find a more suitable host body.”

P.S. A friend of mine once got kicked out of TWO Wal-Marts in one day. Once it was for riding bikes around the store...the other time was for having a soap fight with another friend. Good grief!

[Chris Grieb]

Michael; Very funny! However I'd rather do things to annoy anti-Walmart people. Do you have a list of those.

[BAMF]

I have a list, Chris, and it goes a li'l somethin' like this:

1. Shop at Wal-Mart

....okay, that's it!

[Judith]

Hmmm. Actually, I've seen a modified version of this one:

Dear Mrs. Gutierrez:

Over the past six months, your husband, Mr. C. Gutierrez, has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this type of behavior and have considered banning the entire family from shopping in any of our stores. We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment. Three of our clerks are attending counseling from the trouble your husband has caused. All complaints against Mr. Gutierrez have been compiled and are listed below.

Mr. Wally Brown

President and CEO

Walmart

Things Mr. C. Gutierrez has done while his spouse is shopping:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, " 'Code 3' in house wares", and watched what happened.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION – WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. September 23: Whenever a clerk asked if they couldhelp him, he beganto cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.

10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knew where the antidepressants were.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. December 21: Whenever an announcement came over the loudspeaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed, "NO! NO! It's those voices again!"

(And; last, but not least!)

15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, and waited a while; then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

It's hell when you're retired and don't have anything to do!

Edited March 6, 2007 by Judith