I'm a believer!

[BAMF]

1. TRANSCENDENTAL ARGUMENT, a.k.a. PRESUPPOSITIONALIST (I)

(1) If reason exists then God exists.

(2) Reason exists.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

2. COSMOLOGICAL ARGUMENT

(1) If I say something must have a cause, it has a cause.

(2) I say the universe must have a cause.

(3) Therefore, the universe has a cause.

(4) Therefore, God exists.

3. ONTOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (I)

(1) I define God to be X.

(2) Since I can conceive of X, X must exist.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

4. ONTOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (II)

(1) I can conceive of a perfect God.

(2) One of the qualities of perfection is existence.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

5. MODAL ONTOLOGICAL ARGUMENT

(1) God is either necessary or unnecessary.

(2) God is not unnecessary, therefore God must be necessary.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

6. TELEOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (I)

(1) Check out the world/universe/giraffe. Isn't it complex?

(2) Only God could have made them so complex.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

7. ARGUMENT FROM BEAUTY, a.k.a. TELEOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (II)

(1) Isn't that baby/sunset/flower/tree beautiful?

(2) Only God could have made them so beautiful.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

8. ARGUMENT FROM MIRACLES (I)

(1) My aunt had cancer.

(2) The doctors gave her all these horrible treatments.

(3) My aunt prayed to God and now she doesn't have cancer.

(4) Therefore, God exists.

9. MORAL ARGUMENT (I)

(1) Person X, a well-known Atheist, was morally inferior to the rest of us.

(2) Therefore, God exists.

10. MORAL ARGUMENT (II)

(1) In my younger days I was a cursing, drinking, smoking, gambling, child-molesting, thieving, murdering, bed-wetting bastard.

(2) That all changed once I became religious.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

11. ARGUMENT FROM CREATION, a.k.a. ARGUMENT FROM PERSONAL INCREDULITY (I)

(1) If evolution is false, then creationism is true, and therefore God exists.

(2) Evolution can't be true, since I lack the mental capacity to understand it; moreover, to accept its truth would cause me to be uncomfortable.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

12. ARGUMENT FROM FEAR

(1) If there is no God then we're all going to not exist after we die.

(2) I'm afraid of that. (3) Therefore, God exists.

13. ARGUMENT FROM THE BIBLE

(1) [arbitrary passage from OT]

(2) [arbitrary passage from NT]

(3) Therefore, God exists.

14. ARGUMENT FROM INTELLIGENCE

(1) Look, there's really no point in me trying to explain the whole thing to you stupid Atheists — it's too complicated for you to understand. God exists whether you like it or not.

(2) Therefore, God exists.

15. ARGUMENT FROM UNINTELLIGENCE

(1) Okay, I don't pretend to be as intelligent as you guys — you're obviously very well read. But I read the Bible, and nothing you say can convince me that God does not exist. I feel him in my heart, and you can feel him too, if you'll just ask him into your life. "For God so loved the world that he sent his only begotten son into the world, that whosoever believes in him shall not perish from the earth." John 3:16.

(2) Therefore, God exists.

16. ARGUMENT FROM BELIEF

(1) If God exists, then I should believe in Him.

(2) I believe in God.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

17. ARGUMENT FROM INTIMIDATION

(1) See this bonfire?

(2) Therefore, God exists.

18. PARENTAL ARGUMENT

(1) My mommy and daddy told me that God exists.

(2) Therefore, God exists.

19. ARGUMENT FROM NUMBERS

(1) Millions and millions of people believe in God.

(2) They can't all be wrong, can they?

(3) Therefore, God exists.

20. ARGUMENT FROM ABSURDITY

(1) Maranathra!

(2) Therefore, God exists.

21. ARGUMENT FROM ECONOMY

(1) God exists, you bastards!

(2) Therefore, God exists.

22. BOATWRIGHT'S ARGUMENT

(1) Ha ha ha.

(2) Therefore, God exists.

23. DORE'S ARGUMENT

(1) I forgot to take my meds.

(2) Therefore, I AM CHRIST!!

(3) Therefore, God exists.

24. ARGUMENT FROM GUITAR MASTERY

(1) Eric Clapton is God.

(2) Therefore, God exists.

25. ARGUMENT FROM INTERNET AUTHORITY

(1) There is a website that successfully argues for the existence of God.

(2) Here is the URL.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

26. ARGUMENT FROM INCOMPREHENSIBILITY

(1) Flabble glurk zoom boink blubba snurgleschnortz ping!

(2) No one has ever refuted (1).

(3) Therefore, God exists.

27. ARGUMENT FROM AMERICAN EVANGELISM

(1) Telling people that God exists makes me filthy rich.

(2) Therefore, God exists.

28. MITCHELL'S ARGUMENT

(1) The Christian God exists.

(2) Therefore, all worldviews which don't assume the Christian God's existence are false and incomprehensible.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

29. ARGUMENT FROM BLINDNESS (I)

(1) Atheists are spiritually blind.

(2) Therefore, God exists.

30. ARGUMENT FROM BLINDNESS (II)

(1) God is love.

(2) Love is blind.

(3) Stevie Wonder is blind.

(4) Therefore, Stevie Wonder is God.

(5) Therefore, God exists.

31. ARGUMENT FROM FALLIBILITY

(1) Human reasoning is inherently flawed.

(2) Therefore, there is no reasonable way to challenge a proposition.

(3) I propose that God exists.

(4) Therefore, God exists.

32. ARGUMENT FROM SMUGNESS

(1) God exists.

(2) I don't give a crap whether you believe it or not; I have better things to do than to try to convince you morons.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

33. ARGUMENT FROM META-SMUGNESS

(1) Fuck you.

(2) Therefore, God exists.

34. ARGUMENT FROM MANIFESTATIONS

(1) If you turn your head sideways and squint a little, you can see an image of a bearded face in that tortilla.

(2) Therefore, God exists.

35. SLATHER'S ARGUMENT

(1) My toaster is God.

(2) Therefore, God exists.

36. ARGUMENT FROM INCOMPLETE DEVASTATION

(1) A plane crashed killing 143 passengers and crew.

(2) But one child survived with only third-degree burns.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

37. ARGUMENT FROM POSSIBLE WORLDS

(1) If things had been different, then things would be different.

(2) That would be bad.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

38. ARGUMENT FROM SHEER WILL

(1) I DO believe in God! I DO believe in God! I do I do I do I DO believe in God!

(2) Therefore, God exists.

39. ARGUMENT FROM NONBELIEF

(1) The majority of the world's population are nonbelievers in Christianity.

(2) This is just what Satan intended.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

40. ARGUMENT FROM POST-DEATH EXPERIENCE

(1) Person X died an Atheist.

(2) He now realizes his mistake.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

41. ARGUMENT FROM EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL

(1) God loves you.

(2) How could you be so heartless to not believe in him?

(3) Therefore, God exists.

42. ARGUMENT FROM SACRIFICIAL BLACKMAIL

(1) Jesus died for your sins.

(2) Therefore, God exists.

43. ARGUMENT FROM INCOHERENT BABBLE

(1) See that person spazzing on the church floor babbling incoherently?

(2) That's how infinite wisdom reveals itself.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

44. OPRAH'S ARGUMENT (I)

(1) The human spirit exists.

(2) Therefore, God exists.

45. OPRAH'S ARGUMENT (II)

(1) Check out this video segment.

(2) Now how can anyone watch that and NOT believe in God?

(3) Therefore, God exists.

46. CALVINIST ARGUMENT, a.k.a. TERTULLIAN'S ARGUMENT

(1) If God exists, then he will let me watch you be tortured forever.

(2) I rather like that idea.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

47. ARGUMENT FROM CROCKERY

(1) Pots don't go around giving orders to the potter.

(2) Therefore, God exists.

48. ARGUMENT FROM MASS PRODUCTION

(1) Barbie dolls were created.

(2) If Barbie dolls were created, then so were trees.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

49. ARGUMENT FROM PAROCHIALISM

(1) God is everywhere.

(2) We haven't been everywhere to prove he's not there.

(3) Therefore, God exists.

50. ARGUMENT FROM UPPERCASE ASSERTION

(1) GOD EXISTS! GET USED TO IT!

(2) Therefore, God exists.

FOR THE COMPLETE LIST OF EVIDENCE: http://www.godlessgeeks.com/LINKS/GodProof.htm

[Victor Pross]

Kori, you kill me. :turned:

Actually, theists would love these arguments. It's the atheist that can see the humour.

[BAMF]

Hey, I didn't make them up, I'm no murderer! :devil: I actually don't have THAT much free time.

I actually hear some of these arguments on a daily basis. :getlost:

[Rich Engle]

Hey, just cataloging it is funny enough.

I'm spiritual, and I hear a lot of these all the time too. And, not unlike atheists, my bullshit detector goes off just as long and loud!!

When I use the "G" word, in my case I really mean "Spirit." So anyway, I don't think God wants dumbasses!

The arguments up there that are actually in daily use are, in my opinion, for dumbasses. Uh, duh...

Heh...

r

[Rodney]

You forgot one:

(1) Ergitandal.

(2) Therefore, God exists.

[Michael Stuart Kelly]

Thank goodness for Google.

Challenge for Rand scholars: What in the world is "Ergitandal"?

Kori, very funny list. It reminded me of two things, one tragic and one comic.

Tragic: That is a form of reasoning I have encountered often online, where people do weird syllogisms with Objectivist concepts and arrive at the strangest conclusions imaginable. (Prescott lampooned Objectivism, but he was really lampooning this kind of argument by calling it Reversalism, which means that the reverse is true of everything you have ever learned.)

Comic: An old joke. You have to try to understand what the following joke sounded like before computers were common for it to be funny.

In the early days of computing, the USA decided to build the world's largest computer. The scientists had Times Square leveled and they built a monstrous looking thing a mile high where they inputted all the knowledge of the whole world. Once they turned it on, they let the President of the USA make the first operation in a public ceremony broadcast around the world. He typed in the question:

Does God exist?

Thundering was heard from far off, some lightening, and a booming voice said:

"Now he does!"

Michael

[Danneskjold]

I think my sister has used a few/most of these on me.

Edited December 2, 2006 by Danneskjold