Khameini: Don't masturbate during Ramadan

[Michael Stuart Kelly]

Folks,

I got the item below from Drudge Report.

I am trying to understand Islam better to be able to interact with Muslims and help spread ideas of freedom and reason. But this kind of news from an article on Ynetnews doesn't help at all...

Khameini: Don't masturbate during Ramadan

Michael

[Rich Engle]

OK... (deep, cleansing breaths).

This is so down my main lane, I can barely contain myself. My joke factory is about to explode.

But, to the content. Most disturbing, from a common sense standpoint...

I'm trying to figure out how to masturbate indeliberately. It just doesn't work out on paper. This is worse than the old Catholic "sin of thought" b.s.

Let's say I am operating an air hammer, bearing down hard on it to break up some concrete, or whatever. I am on the clock, my purpose is to do the job at hand (no inverse pun intended). However, I feel, thanks to yonder air hammer's high vibrational rate, a tingle that grows, and suddenly it's boner time! "Indeliberate"? At first, to be sure (let's assume I didn't allow for the side-benefits of operating said equipment). Deliberate, post-facto? Where's the line? What if the air hammer is really strong, and I throw one off before I can even consider the moral possibilities at play?

Fine, forget the effing airhammer. How do you masturbate indeliberately?

As far as the whole ejaculation part, I kind of get that, it's basic orthodoxy; you're wasting God's seed, yadda yadda.

Two really stupid things. First being that I can somehow find myself rubbing one off without having used volition. The only exception might involve coming to after a bad drunk and finding yourself doing it, this is a consciousness/physiology/psychology issue, not to mention a substance abuse one. That's out.

Secondly, I don't know any Actual Men that would engage in said rubbing one off and then just stop, out of religious or any other convictions. It just ain't gonna happen, unless you're so tired you fall asleep doing it.

So, worst case scenario, let's get into it:

You get wasted, go out for a bit, you come to and find yourself doing it. You then fall asleep (or at least into some semi-conscious state, volition is gone), then the automatics take over. You're out again, but you blow your load. You wake up with a mess in your pants, and you remember nothing. Sin?

Gray area, yes indeedy! These Khomeni guys are the funniest, there's nothing better out there.

rde

Don't go at me, you know you do it too.

[BAMF]

Or maybe you are riding the bus and it gets to bouncing up and down just right... :shifty:

[Philip Coates]

He also said this: The Iranian leader also told readers they were allowed to "to drink water while standing" at nights.

It's clear he's going soft. No pun intended. Everyone knows the faithful are only allowed to drink water while lying down. Once you let 'em do it at night, they'll try to take advantage and start to do it in broad daylight.

What's next?? Bottled water??

[CNA]

Don't go at me, you know you do it too.

ROFLMAO.....Rich, I absolutely crack up at your sense of humor. That's classic. Oh, you're too much and laughing so hard my cheeks hurt. :devil: hehehehehehehe

Edited October 31, 2006 by CNA

[Rich Engle]

Well, thank you, dahling!

I propose we take this whole Islamic thing by the horns (no pun intended) and apply countermeasures

To wit:

Global Freethinkers' SPANK ONE OFF DAYS

During Ramadan, as a protest to the rather caged statement by this Khomeni (and not as an affront to the religion itself, nor the holiday heretofore known as Rama-Llama-Ding-Dong), all freethinkers are urged to gather their resources, power tools, supplementary enhancement oils, and any other ancillary equipment; for the purposes of as much masturbation can occur during this holiday period.

Yes, it is protest, albeit pleasurable protest. CAUTION: This requires endurance. Chafing may occur. Go to the limit, but do not incur early damage; this will simply compromise the project. Think of it as a marathon, push, but work within the project's confines.

Keep it real in the field, and happy endorphin rushes to all!

rde

Always about the politically correct solutions.

Edited October 31, 2006 by Rich Engle

[Peri]

Folks,

I got the item below from Drudge Report.

I am trying to understand Islam better to be able to interact with Muslims and help spread ideas of freedom and reason. But this kind of news from an article on Ynetnews doesn't help at all...

Khameini: Don't masturbate during Ramadan

Michael

Man, that tempts me to be my own best friend.