William's Diary

[caroljane]

Topping day. Kate and I both got wet and cold, but frankly delighted to be wet and cold instead of wet and hot as in that dreadful Ottawa which seems to be the hottest place in the world. Someday we will visit even hotter places I am told, I pray that day will not be soon.

Good fun flying the Sea King, and jolly glad no German lobbyists were found in the cargo hold. Pilot a very good sort. Laughed like a drain when I perused the instruments and queried, "Who am I? What day is this?" Thoroughly solid fellow.

Harry has texted me for the phone number of the third stepdancer from the right. Sometimes he just has no sense of proportion.

Two-plus "tries" today,but today is not over. They've assured me, there are not buttons on the dragon boat suit, just easy zips.

Ich dien,

William P

[caroljane]

Dear Diary,

Never have I thought I would utter the words, "I can't wait to arrive in Yellowknife, NWT," but indeed I am uttering and I pray we arrive soon.

Rather ghastly flap all night, frankly. Poor Kate had got Frozen Smile, we noticed well before we boarded, but it was a pretty bad case. We did the usual cheek massage and muscle relaxants but no go, until the left side did finally respond, but after that there was nothing for it but the videos. Meanwhile the hairdresser chappie was having hysterics in the loo, going on about he could do one side-sweep, but not two, and so on, tying up the loo until Const. McSporran got him out and calmed him down. Stout fellow, McSporran.

The videos did eventually work, the first

not so well but it did star a Canadian, Tom Green, the second was about a pretty businesswoman being stalked and then riding on a lot of trains, few people know that Kate has a morbid fear of trains. When the right side of her face finally relaxed she was crying, natural reaction but hell on her eyeliner.

All round not the best night but we have got through it, no tries naturally, but because of all the different time zones I think I can record it as a One.

Ich dien,

W

Edited July 6, 2011 by daunce lynam

[caroljane]

Dear Diary,

Great Slave Lake. Good heavens, these people have been through frightful things, although apparently there never were slaves here, very confusing. But there was an awful fire, I heard about it on the walkabout. One lady said it was almost as bad as the aftermath of the Sacred Igloo Campout Convention, which some of the senior residents have still never got over.

Darling Kate has come up trumps and is trying to smile less widely, for fear of a recurrence, but I do wish she would eat once in a while. It would only be polite.And, well, not to be crude but one does need a certain body weight to Succeed when one is Trying. I am not ashamed to write that down, as Granny has said to me and to many others, "it is what we are for."

Ich dien,

William

[Selene]

Unfortunately, the skirt stayed down!

Edited July 8, 2011 by Selene

[caroljane]

Unfortunately, the skirt stayed down!

Not amidst the breathtaking backwoods of Banff it didn't!

Contentedly,

William

[Selene]

[Selene]

Edited July 8, 2011 by Selene

[caroljane]

love the soldiers' eyes-front here.

[Selene]

Carol:

Yes. Their discipline amused me. She is a stunningly beautiful woman though much too thin for my tastes.

Adam

[caroljane]

Carol:

Yes. Their discipline amused me. She is a stunningly beautiful woman though much too thin for my tastes.

Adam

You're not alone there. The Royal fansites are seething with concern that she might displace Spain's Letizia in the Anorexia Anxiety watch. When you see photos of her in her earlier 20s she is normal weight. My guess (hope) is that the normal wedding stress, plus this trip which is so important to get right, have caused an understandable weight loss, and when they get her back to England they will fatten her up, having learned their lesson with Diana.

[caroljane]

Carol:

Yes. Their discipline amused me. She is a stunningly beautiful woman though much too thin for my tastes.

Adam

You're not alone there. The Royal fansites are seething with concern that she might displace Spain's Letizia in the Anorexia Anxiety watch. When you see photos of her in her earlier 20s she is normal weight. My guess (hope) is that the normal wedding stress, plus this trip which is so important to get right, have caused an understandable weight loss, and when they get her back to England they will fatten her up, having learned their lesson with Diana.

PS for non Royal watchers, poor Letizia is just a scarecrow.

[caroljane]

Adam, I just had another look and chuckle at the photo of K & the soldiers, who are pretty damn goodlooking themselves. Most of them are shorter than she is --it would have been so easy--"the sun was in my eyes sir!". I'd love to be a fly on the mess hall wall after this detail.

She is a real beauty, probably will go down as the most beautiful Q of E ever, since we don't have any reliable portraits of Edward IV's queen Elizabeth Woodville, she of the floor-length silver-gilt hair, popularly believed to have been a witch because of her unearthly loveliness and because she got the king to marry her although she only was the widow of a humble knight and had two children.

[Selene]

Adam, I just had another look and chuckle at the photo of K & the soldiers, who are pretty damn good-looking themselves. Most of them are shorter than she is --it would have been so easy--"the sun was in my eyes sir!". I'd love to be a fly on the mess hall wall after this detail.

She is a real beauty, probably will go down as the most beautiful Q of E ever, since we don't have any reliable portraits of Edward IV's queen Elizabeth Woodville, she of the floor-length silver-gilt hair, popularly believed to have been a witch because of her unearthly loveliness and because she got the king to marry her although she only was the widow of a humble knight and had two children.

Carol:

I have never been an admirer of the monarchial pomp and circumstance, you know how us colonial peasants are, bur she does have a glow about her and she certainly takes to the public.

Here she is in the aftermath of the Alberta fire

You can see her connection with this little boy and it is really beautiful.

Adam

Edited July 8, 2011 by Selene

[caroljane]

Adam, I just had another look and chuckle at the photo of K & the soldiers, who are pretty damn good-looking themselves. Most of them are shorter than she is --it would have been so easy--"the sun was in my eyes sir!". I'd love to be a fly on the mess hall wall after this detail.

She is a real beauty, probably will go down as the most beautiful Q of E ever, since we don't have any reliable portraits of Edward IV's queen Elizabeth Woodville, she of the floor-length silver-gilt hair, popularly believed to have been a witch because of her unearthly loveliness and because she got the king to marry her although she only was the widow of a humble knight and had two children.

Carol:

I have never been an admirer of the monarchial pomp and circumstance, you know how us colonial peasants are, bur she does have a glow about her and she certainly takes to the public.

Here she is in the aftermath of the Alberta fire

You can see her connection with this little boy and it is really beautiful.

Adam

I'm with you. Of course I know monarchies are useless dinosaurs. But it's no use, I have the Hello Young Lovers feeling with this stuff, even knowing how choreographed it all is. It's the connection thing/ Anyone who remembers their wedding day, who has been happily married, who has wanted to have children with their beloved, just connects.

The little cancer patient, so excited that she ran up and hugged Kate's legs, made me lose it. It brought such a sense memory, my kids glad to see me, running up to hug my legs, those tall invincible parental legs which so soon, so soon, just became legs, their mother's serviceable but unremarkable legs, when they started walking the earth on their own long, long, invincible legs.

It was really hard not to go, Aww! Kate Someday your own child will hug your legs like that.Maybe she even thought it herself.

And that little girl, please god and science, her darling legs and life will get longer.

[Selene]

Kate has Marilyn moment in Calgary!

Ahh lucky boy that King guy!

[BaalChatzaf]

Kate has Marilyn moment in Calgary!

Ahh lucky boy that King guy!

Prince. Once a King, always a King, but once a Knight is enough.

Ba'al Chatzaf

[BaalChatzaf]

Kate has Marilyn moment in Calgary!

Ahh lucky boy that King guy!

Prince. Once a King, always a King, but once a Knight is enough.

Ba'al Chatzaf

[Brant Gaede]

deleted by BG

Edited July 10, 2011 by Brant Gaede

[George H. Smith]

“If thy heart fails thee, climb not at all,” said the Queen.

"Hubba, hubba!" said the King.

Ghs

[caroljane]

Dear Diary,

I have been remiss in concluding my Colonial reflections. I will just say briefly that the Americans are obviously much richer than the Canadians, except for a few which they keep in an exotic section of Los Angeles. I cannot for the life of me understand how they have debt problems! Of course I was no good at Economics at Uni, complete blockhead, switched to Advanced Feudalism instead and did jolly well if I do say so. But I mean to say - the Americans play polo and the Canadians play road hockey. It stands to reason.

Got a pair of unexpected phone calls which squeezed the schedule a bit. First was from Cousin Bea. She congratulated me on positive press on our tour. Then she mentioned that Aunt Sarah was also in the US! Coincidence! "Eug and I were just larking about and saying, wouldn't it be frightfully original if you popped in on one of Mum's television appearances, ha,ha!"

"Oh frightfully, ha, ha," I replied."You girls are so creative. Too bad Granny wouldn't wear it, no stepping on another's spotlight, you know, ha, ha. I mean of course Auntie Sarah would never pop in on Kate and me...she wouldn't, would she?"

"Ha, ha," said Bea,"no of course not, it's just darling Mummy has been a bit down lately now that Oprah's not returning her calls,..what's Harry up to these days?"

Next was a Mr. Murdoch, apologizing, positively grovelling, about some phone calls he says he never knew anything about, quite incoherent.

I wonder how he got my number.

So that's North America, must dash now to go swimming with dear K who has just come in in the most ravishing swimming costume...

Ich dien and dien!

William

[caroljane]

Dear Diary,

Very perplexing phone message from California, someone called Jello says I met her in Hollywood and she was very honoured, and so on, and she knows I have probably heard her sad news and knows I will sympathise (except she spelled it the American way)-- may be coming to England soon! What can this mean? How did she get my number? Maybe Kate will remember her -- must ask.

Awfully comfy to be back in good old Kenny Pally. As I always say, be it ever so ostentatious, there's no place like home. (One of the Canadians gave me that one, rather good I thought).

Ich dien,

W.

Edited July 19, 2011 by daunce lynam

[caroljane]

Dear Diary,

Back to work. All the fellows talking about the appalling riots. I did not mention our recent family conversation. Grandpapa said it is a great pity we do not have Transportation any more or hanging. Papa said it was the worst demonstration of mob degeneracy since they burned down the Savoy Palace in 1405. Oh well, said dear K brightly, at least they were just looting and attacking their own neighbours and not us. Grandpapa did not take this well. "US?" he nearly yelped, swivelling around to glare at her... really, not a very pleasant dinner. V. glad to be back in Wales, before Papa brought up King Charles II again. He has confided to me that when he ascends the throne he intends to be crowned as King George VII. One of the Georges lost America and went mad, and two of them were hated by everybody for other reasons, but he still thinks it's a luckier name.

[Rich Engle]

This is starting to grow on me. And then I looked back on it and found yet more evidence as to what a total Sex Pervert Selene is. He seems to have an endless appetite for naked chicks, and other forms of the Finer Sport.

It is nice to know that you aren't the only filthy hound out there.

rde

I like to watch. <---yes, it's just a quote from "Being There," for fuck's sake.

[caroljane]

OFFICE OF HRH THE DUKE OF CAMBRIDGE

Richard D. Engle, Esq.

Sir:

Your interesting communication mentioning a Mr. Selene has been hacked intocome to the notice of the Duke's Office. We would be grateful for further information on the proclivities and activities of this individual, and a representative of the British Government will be contacting you shortly.

We trust we will have your full cooperation.

Yours faithfully,

Col. the Hon. Swithin Frothington-Fforde, KBE

Principal Assistant Secretary

[caroljane]

PRIVATE -CONFIDENTIAL-URGENT

Woo-hoo, Adam! Better take to the hills and get out the light saber! I never shoulda sent you those uncensored shots from the Sun- if they catch you, don't mention my name!

ISS

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