william.scherk

William,

You finally wrote something that piqued my interest. Frankly, I had written you off as a gross person. Not as someone who I disapproved of, but as someone who now bores me. 

As Ayn Rand had a character say in the Fountainhead about Toohey (I paraphrase): "You're a maggot. You feed off the sores of other people." Maggots bore me, too.

And I'm not trying to be haughty. I'm in identification mode, not judgement.

Judgement-wise, I feel there is still a person inside all that weird crap you write trying to get out. That is the person I am addressing right now. Not the persona you hide behind. I'm talking to the self-pitying little boy crouching in a corner and dreaming of becoming something good.

I don't have all day to write this just to tickle your vanity or neurosis, whichever one is predominant right now, and I admit, I am probably wasting my time, but for the record here are some thoughts.

1. There is a guy who used to post on OL who I like a lot. The turns he led his life into has made it near impossible for him to post on a forum like OL. His name is Kevin Haggerty. (He's a shaman or something now.) We communicate on Facebook once or another in a blue moon. But it's always with warmth and, in a strange manner, tenderness. Kevin once made a statement that Barbara Branden said she wanted to appropriate. "Guilt by free association."

That is a perfect description of the mess you wrote above. There is no growth, only blaming others for God knows what. And in that mess, I hear, faintly, that long-lost little boy asking if it is too late. And, yeah, probably it is. If you want out of that dark corner, you have to choose it, then you have to do something about it. And all you ever want to do is shit on people.

Then you bitch that people don't understand you, not even your family. Think about it. Who cares why you shit on people? The only thing you offer is shit and people don't want the smell near them.

2. About Dave Sedaris. You wrote: "Did I tell you that David Sedaris had stage four lung cancer when you casually put him down with a stupid personal remark?"

No, you did not tell me and neither did he. So what's supposed to happen? I'm supposed to feel guilty for not looking into a crystal ball and guessing? I don't. I feel very sad for him to be sick like that (if he is still alive) and had I known of his illness, I would have treated him with kid gloves. But sick people don't get to demand that the world guess they are sick, then walk into fights and expect to get special treatment. Then demand others feel guilty when they get hit. It's a reality thing. As Diamond and Silk used to say, "Don't bring none and there won't be none."

On an intellectual basis, I treated David just as he treated me. I don't regret it, even as I feel bad for him. (I do hope he gets better if he is still with us.) I treated him just like I treat anyone. And you are so caught up in your guilt by free-association mentality, I don't think you even see it. More shitting in public and less ideas. That's the WSS way.

3. Your remarks about my fiction-writing training, the stuff I am putting out for other struggling writers to look at (especially those in O-Land who have specific problems I happen to understand because I am overcoming those problems), fall on deaf ears. It's not because I don't pay attention to constructive criticism. If there were anything constructive in your comments, I would be mulling them over.

But the only thing I discern clearly is that you don't know what the hell you are talking about. Nothing. Nada. Zip. You are listening to the trombonist practicing scales, repeating over and over and over the parts where he cracks notes so he no longer cracks them, and bitching that he doesn't sound like a symphony. Have you never learned a skill? Don't you know what practice means? I have listened to your music and I can say for sure there is very little developed skill on display. People don't get great at a skill by emoting in free association. They get great by isolating their problems and working on them. Over and over and over until the problem is conquered.

You don't have to look at what I do in that thread. You don't have a clue about what's going on there and you, obviously, have no interest in working on your own writing skills. So just keep blaming people by free association and taking dumps in public. Then keep wondering in self-pity why people are not interested.

Wake the fuck up. Your life is still precious. But your shitting in public is not. Do something with yourself or die with a whimper no one can understand. That's your choice.

4. About Phil, I'm glad he came into good fortune. I wish him well. I'm still no fan of his control-freak side, though. And this is where you and I are on different planets. You still fall for the trappings of power. I reject them. I'm not in charge of a forum because I want to be an Objectivist leader with my flock. That's the last thing I want in life.

This place started on a fluke and when that happened, I thought it time to learn how to get back to my artistic roots, maybe with writing, and figure out why that vision I held in Brazil about a Randian utopia in the US was actually a big fat nothing. Instead of producing beautiful and important things, most of the people I found want power or want to follow a guru, just like you in your free-association way.

I'm not sure you understand what this vision of mine is. Your very presence here is part of that vision. I like quirky. I like monkey-wrenches in the machine. Brainstorming and creativity are impossible without it. But all you want to do is shit and pity yourself in public and lie to yourself about how superior to others you are and how nobody understands you. 

5. On my memoirs, let me be a mirror. Ask yourself this. If all you want to do is shit on things in public, why on earth would anyone want to offer you parts of their life for you to do that with? So you can live vicariously through those parts, then shit on them when you are done?

You've got a good mind. You are curious. Yet all you do is shit in public with that mind and curiosity.

I don't have any wish for that looking at my past. I realize when a writer puts something out, he doesn't get to choose his audience. But on a discussion forum, he can certainly decide who he wants to talk to about things he values.

On another note about memoir, just in case some day you ever decide to start practicing something, I know I am an OK memoirist. Not great. Just OK, although I am working hard on upping my game. But writing a memoir, to me, is basically emoting. Without developing technique, emoting qua emoting is, and will always remain, mediocre.

I wish you would take an interest in realizing your potential. I feel you can do something with yourself that would last. 

Anyway, enough for now. I am out of time.

Do something good for yourself for a change. Build something instead of being a gossip and a shitter.

When you do good and productive things for yourself, you do them for the world.

Shitting in public by free association doesn't cut it. 

The only thing left in that direction is to talk to fucking robots and pretend they understand you.

Michael

I didn't read your comment. I will delete my stream of consciousness. Nice to meet you.

My last exchange with that crazy musician: