Baseball: the sport's 50 funniest notable quotables.

[Backlighting]

1. It ain't nothin' till I call it. Bill Klem, umpire

2. There have been only two authentic geniuses in the world, Willie Mays and Willie Shakespeare. Tallulah Bankhead

3. I never threw an illegal pitch. The trouble is, once in a while I toss one that ain't never been seen by this generation. Satchel Paige

4. Ninety percent of this game is half mental. Yogi Berra

5. If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there is a man on base. Dave Barry



6. Who is this Baby Ruth? And what does she do? George Bernard Shaw

7. The way to make coaches think you're in shape in the spring is to get a tan. Whitey Ford

8. Running a ball club is like raising kids who fall out of trees. Tom Trebelhorn

9. I watch a lot of baseball on radio. Gerald Ford

10. I didn't mean to hit the umpire with the dirt, but I did mean to hit that bastard in the stands. Babe Ruth

11. If you get three strikes, even the best lawyer in the world can't get you off. Bill Veeck

12. Bob Gibson is the luckiest pitcher I ever saw. He always pitches when the other team doesn't score any runs. Tim McCarver

13. Trying to sneak a pitch past Hank Aaron is like trying to sneak the sunrise past a rooster. Joe Adcock

14. The other teams could make trouble for us if they win. Yogi Berra

15. Beethoven can't really be great because his picture isn't on a bubble gum card. Charles Schulz

16. I think I throw the ball as hard as anyone. The ball just doesn't get there as fast. Eddie Bane

17. Third ain't so bad if nothin' is hit to you. Yogi Berra

18. There's no crying in baseball! Tom Hanks in A League of Their Own

19. I never took the game home with me. I always left it in some bar. Bob Lemon

20. Well, it took me 17 years to get 3,000 hits in baseball, and I did it in one afternoon on the golf course. Hank Aaron 



21. After Jackie Robinson, the most important black in baseball history is Reggie Jackson. Reggie Jackson 22. We know we're better than this, but we can't prove it. Tony Gwynn

23. It ain't like football. You can't make up no trick plays. Yogi Berra

24. If a horse won't eat it, I don't want to play on it. Dick Allen on artificial turf

25. You don't realize how easy this game is until you get up in that broadcasting booth. Mickey Mantle

[caroljane]

Can't anybody here play this game? - Casey Stengel

[Kyle Jacob Biodrowski]

[caroljane]

Kyle. take a bow. lololol.

[Selene]

Casey Stengel about Elston Howard the first Negro to play for the Yankees:

"Look at this, we finally get one and he can't run!"

Another Casey Stengel quote about, I believe, Marv Throneberry:

"I don't mind you carrying the piano when you round third base, it's when you stop to play it that drives me crazy!" <<<<not an exact quote.

A...

[caroljane]

"Don't look back, they might be gaining on you" - Satchel Paige

[Selene]

"Don't look back, they someone might be gaining on you" - Satchel Paige

One of the greatest atheletes ever.

[Backlighting]

"Don't look back, they might be gaining on you" - Satchel Paige

I thought Jesse Owens said that.

[Selene]

"Don't look back, they might be gaining on you" - Satchel Paige

I thought Jesse Owens said that.

Nope.

"Don't look back. Something might be gaining on you."

http://satchelpaige.com/quote2.html

[Kyle Jacob Biodrowski]

[Selene]

The man was a genius.

[Backlighting]

"Don't look back, they might be gaining on you" - Satchel Paige

I thought Jesse Owens said that.

Nope.

"Don't look back. Something might be gaining on you."

http://satchelpaige.com/quote2.html

"Don't look back, they might be gaining on you" - Satchel Paige

I thought Jesse Owens said that.

Nope.

"Don't look back. Something might be gaining on you."

http://satchelpaige.com/quote2.html

Thanks Adam.

P.S. Never been to the Vietnam War Memorial. Probably as sobering as the Arizona Memorial I was at a few yrs ago.

-Joe

[Selene]

http://satchelpaige.com/quote2.html

Thanks Adam.

P.S. Never been to the Vietnam War Memorial. Probably as sobering as the Arizona Memorial I was at a few yrs ago.

-Joe

Joe:

You are quite welcome.

I avoided going to the "wall" forr two (2) decades because I knew how overwhelming it was going to be.

That part of the wall had the names of two (2) close friends that I lost.

A...

This one broke my heart when I first saw it...

Art Print

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By Lee Teter

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Item #: 10087829A

[merjet]

Hank Aaron bats in the 1958 World Series. Yogi Berra is catching.

Yogi: "Turn your bat so you could read the label and not break the bat."

Aaron: "Yogi, I came up here to hit, not to read."

A few more Yogi Berra quotes.

[Backlighting]

http://satchelpaige.com/quote2.html

Thanks Adam.

P.S. Never been to the Vietnam War Memorial. Probably as sobering as the Arizona Memorial I was at a few yrs ago.

-Joe

Joe:

You are quite welcome.

I avoided going to the "wall" forr two (2) decades because I knew how overwhelming it was going to be.

That part of the wall had the names of two (2) close friends that I lost.

A...

This one broke my heart when I first saw it...

Art Print

|

By Lee Teter

|

Item #: 10087829A

Adam

Sorry for your loss.

Were you in combat with them?

[caroljane]

It isn't really funny except in an early-Mets kind of way, but the wretched Blue Jays, once proud World Series winners, just lost the last game of their season, ending at the bottom of the league.

The Jays play-by-play guy was just on the radio. He was practically sobbing with relief that the torture was over. Discussing the stat that every single player had been injured at least once he said, "Jeez, this year nobody got out alive."

[Brant Gaede]

The man was a genius.

I miss George Carlin a lot.

--Brant

yes, I've parked in a driveway and driven on a parkway (The Garden State)

[Selene]

Adam

Sorry for your loss.

Were you in combat with them?

Actually I stayed out.

The Selective Service System [sSS], now that entire semantic tells you all you need to know.

I got "channeled," as the phrase developed, into teaching.

I had decided to challenge the draft if I lost the deferment based on being an "objectivist," which would not have been acceptable because it would not have fallen under the religious exemption.

My challenge would have been on secular natural rights grounds and equal protection under the law...

Probably would have wound up in Federal prison right next to Mohammed Ali [aka Cassius Clay], or, the Quakers of the Civil War.

A...

A...

[Backlighting]

Adam

Sorry for your loss.

Were you in combat with them?

Actually I stayed out.

The Selective Service System [sSS], now that entire semantic tells you all you need to know.

I got "channeled," as the phrase developed, into teaching.

I had decided to challenge the draft if I lost the deferment based on being an "objectivist," which would not have been acceptable because it would not have fallen under the religious exemption.

My challenge would have been on secular natural rights grounds and equal protection under the law...

Probably would have wound up in Federal prison right next to Mohammed Ali [aka Cassius Clay], or, the Quakers of the Civil War.

A...

A...

The draft scooped up those in my neighborhood who, at the very least, could basically breathe-myself included. I lucked out after basic & instead of going into infantry training (majority of the draftees were there) went to engineering school to learn offset printing. I subsequently went to work at a military printing plant in Japan for the duration of my "service", which was 19 months.

1968-9 was surely was a crazy time for me.

[Brant Gaede]

After LBJ threw in the towel in 1968 never mind how you avoided service or why, thank goodness you did. I was sluiced into military service by the draft in 1964 and was quite willing to kill communists bearing guns. A different world. In 1967 I had had enough. Just as I didn't re-enlist for the crap I saw you didn't countenance it either. Same, same.

--Brant

and that's the way it really was

[Selene]

After LBJ threw in the towel in 1968 never mind how you avoided service or why, thank goodness you did. I was sluiced into military service by the draft in 1964 and was quite willing to kill communists bearing guns. A different world. In 1967 I had had enough. Just as I didn't re-enlist for the crap I saw you didn't countenance it either. Same, same.

--Brant

and that's the way it really was

Question Brant:

Was this "war" winnable from a completely military perspective?

A...

[Brant Gaede]

After LBJ threw in the towel in 1968 never mind how you avoided service or why, thank goodness you did. I was sluiced into military service by the draft in 1964 and was quite willing to kill communists bearing guns. A different world. In 1967 I had had enough. Just as I didn't re-enlist for the crap I saw you didn't countenance it either. Same, same.

--Brant

and that's the way it really was

Question Brant:

Was this "war" winnable from a completely military perspective?

A...

I'm assuming the way it was fought: yes. That's because the Viet Cong broke its back with the Tet offensive in 1968 leaving it a fight against the North Vietnamese army, but it broke LBJ's back too. Westmoreland made a huge mistake asking for 200,000 more troops. He should have told the President 200,000 troops could come home by Christmas instead as they were no longer needed. In 1971-72 I wrote as part of an unpublished book almost exactly was going to happen to South Vietnam. I didn't know when. The only thing I got wrong was the South Vietnamese holding out for a while in the Mekong Delta.This was no work of prescient genius on my part, but an indication of how dumb and dishonest everyone was. Nixon and Kissinger knew it was going to happen, but they had other fish to fry. If Nixon had still been President, North Vietnam might have waited until he was out of there. The communists feared and respected Nixon.

The war was all the wrong size. It should have been bigger or smaller. But it was the wrong war, the wrong time, the wrong place. I do think, however, if the communists had only been Nazis, they'd have been crushed like bugs. And we'd have lost, say, 50-100 million in the spillover into a general thermonuclear war.

--Brant

what a cluster fuck

[Backlighting]

For me, there can be no justification for us to have entered the war with N. Vietnam.

They were no threat to America.

They were no threat to me.

Without the draft, America could never have had the troops necessary for the scope that it had.

[Brant Gaede]

For me, there can be no justification for us to have entered the war with N. Vietnam.

They were no threat to America.

They were no threat to me.

Without the draft, America could never have had the troops necessary for the scope that it had.

The context of the Cold War created the justification which we can call faux. Don't think it was merely a simple switch-throwing decision by one extremely bad and incompetent President. The United States was in a de facto war with communism, especially with what was seen as communist expansionism as reflected in the occupation and control of Eastern Europe by the USSR and its put-down of the Hungarian Revolution, the take-over (loss!) of China, the invasion of South Korea, military competition and defense alliances--we still have many mutual defense treaties--etc. Hence the perceived need to stop a communist takeover of South Vietnam and to stabilize southeast Asia. The strength the US had to do all this directly flowed from its economy and its role in WWII when it beat up Germany with its right hand and bitch-slapped Japan into submission with its left and did much to arm and support its allies, even Russia, also obtaining the psychological strength to do all this as an extremely moralistic nation that had fought and won three great wars: the "Civil War," WWI and WWII. That happened when moralism combined with industrial might, not because of any military genius though there had to be significant competence. The Cold War and its proxies--Korea, Vietnam, etc.--has been replaced by the War on Terror which has ironically galvanized countless Muslims into our enemy-hood with spillover all over the world involving many countries. How glorious to have such a great foe as the Great Satan!

--Brant

[caroljane]

Offtopic for LV..... are you counting the minutes until that great American Music Legend Britney Spears opens her act?

What has Sin City come to? She can barely sing and is an average dancer, has never performed a club act that I know of, and exhibits the charisma of a Barbie doll.