have you think twice?

[nicholasair]

At the time, my friend and I had a techno/ rap group. My dad had me sign a contract and made me promise to stop pursueing music in order to live with him and for him to pay for my private school. I said yes and stopped playing music. I just starting to get into music again after about 10 years. Why would he want me to stop playing music? I have no idea if I am talented at it becuase my friend wrote most of the songs in the band. I just wrote the lyrics and did the drums. part of me feels like I am just rebelling against him. Is it reasonable for a parent to tell a teenager what hobbies to pursue. He said it was a "distraction."

[syrakusos]

At the time, my friend and I had a techno/ rap group. ... He said it was a "distraction."

Clearly, the reader can have no ides how to evaluate that except in the abstract. Perhaps you thought you had "talent" but your wiser father knew that your music was only a distraction, indeed. Perhaps your father was a control freak with low self-esteem who was threatened by your innate intelligence and artistry. Perhaps the truth is somewhere in the middle and in fact might include both extremes... or none of the above...

As for the one central question -- Should an adult limit the hobbies of a teenager? Clearly, the parent has a moral responsibility to ensure the successful growth of the child, so, yes, at some level, the parent must decide that this or that is good or bad. That said, I have to caution against a heavy hand. My own experience as a parent is that almost any hobby -- any creative expression of self -- is better than no hobby.

One thing we can deal with is that for you, this is, now ten years later and you are in every way your own man.

Edited November 8, 2009 by Michael E. Marotta

[tjohnson]

I thinks parents often discourage their children from pursuing careers in artistic fields simply because they are worried that the child will not be able to provide for themselves. If there is one thing parents are good at it's worrying about their children!

[klnielsen]

Hi nicholasair,

At the time, my friend and I had a techno/ rap group. My dad had me sign a contract and made me promise to stop pursueing music in order to live with him and for him to pay for my private school. I said yes and stopped playing music.

What you're describing sounds, at least on the surface, like the dynamic between Peter Keating and his mother in The Fountainhead. He wanted to be a painter, but she pushed him into architecture. She manipulated and controlled him. He allowed it to happen and in the end, lost his soul.

I think it would have been reasonable for your father to communicate with you about your interests, but not to dictate them to you or pressure you. It does sound like there was a lot more going on, lack of communication being part of it.

I have no idea if I am talented at it

Everybody sucks when they're first starting out. It takes time, dedication, awareness and self-honesty to tell if a certain avenue of exploration is working for you. Sounds like you didn't get to do the necessary work to answer that question the first time around, but you're doing it now. Good for you.

I just wrote the lyrics and did the drums.

Don't trivialize drums and lyrics. That's exactly Neal Peart's job, and he's done quite well for himself. Maybe you've internalized some of your father's attitudes.