Hey, ObamaCare, are you up for a game of chicken?

[glgphd]

Once upon a time, not all that long ago, President Billy “The Rooster-in-Chief” Clinton (aka “The Cock-in-Chief”) spurred his wife, Hillary “The First Hen” Clinton (aka “The Hen-in-Chief”), to be the Alpha Hen of Health Care Reform.

Perched presidentially in the Egg-Shaped Office, The Rooster-in-Chief talked turkey to the newly appointed Alpha Hen. The Rooster-in-Chief made The First Hen promise him that her health care plan would be a labor of leftist love. Preening her left-wing, she assured him that he’d be proud as a peacock of any hatchling she’d hatch: Her health care plan would never be a turkey!

Wearing the pants suit in the family, The First Hen wasn’t chicken. A bit cocky herself, she gladly accepted the The Rooster-in-Chief’s challenge to strut her stately statist stuff.

Those old enough to remember cannot help recalling The First Hen pridefully prancing around in her plump pink pant suit, passionately posing before the press, extending her neck and bobbing her head backward and forward as she strutted hither and yonder, stridently squawking about the “health care crisis,” ceaselessly clucking about the need for universal health care.

The First Hen then stretched her wonkish wings and furtively flew from the First Hen’s Coop to flock together with her fine feathered friends from the Congress, Ivy League, and think-tanks.

These left-winged birds of a feather nested conspiratorially together, secretly brooding until The First Hen finally laid her wonderfully wobbly, pink-hued, left-leaning egg that was warmly incubated until it haplessly hatched as a half-assed hatchling that would futilely try, but never quite fly. Unwilling to foresee its foreseeable failure to fly, the collectivists collectively clucked this cheerful collectivist chorus about this half-assed hatchling they had so happily hatched:

We’re in this together,

We’re birds of a feather,

Universal health care is here,

There’s nothing to fear,

The Collective will fight,

Health care’s a right,

Health care for all,

We’re ready to brawl!

This fowl plan soon came to be known throughout the land as HillaryCare.

Thinking this chorus was just a lot of chicken sh@t, a ferocious fellowship of freedom fighters fought The First Hen’s fowl plan. These free market fellows began to fight the good fight to defeat the haplessly hatched HillaryCare plan. Sly as foxes, Newt “That Contract Guy” Gingrich and Bill “The Policy Plucker” Kristol led the forces of free market medicine to encircle The Clinton Coop.

These free market marauders managed to manufacture a magnificently massive machine--a muscle car, which they fueled with high-octane arguments for a high-speed run at HillaryCare. Conservatives, Libertarians, and other odd ducks revved up the engine, and--in a now-legendary game of chicken--drove that mighty muscle car directly at the oncoming Volkswagen bus, overflowing with HillaryCare fellow travelers.

As the Gingrich-Kristol crowd was racing full-throttle to confront the HillaryCare crowd:

• Rush “The Right-Wing Rooster” Limbaugh and other talk show hosts fought HillaryCare by crowing in chorus, “Cock-A-Doodle-Don’t!”
  
• Objectivists penned powerfully polemic, philosophical pieces against socialized medicine, egging on eggheads everywhere to engage in an intellectual battle against the idea that anyone has a right to health care.
  
• CATO, The Heritage Foundation, and other think-tanks hatched their own position papers supporting free-market solutions to problems with health care. They argued that universal health care would unwisely amount to putting all our eggs in one basket.
  
• Business leaders goosed The First Hen, pecking at HillaryCare’s pernicious effects on business, warning everyone that the plan hatched by The First Hen would most certainly kill the goose that lays the golden egg.
  
• Doctors flippantly flipped the bird at HillaryCare.
  
• Hospital administrators told The First Hen to go suck an egg.
  
• The insurance industry cried “fowl” and launched an extensive advertising campaign against HillaryCare: The now-famous Harry and Louise ad, depicting a confused middle-class couple fearful of HillaryCare, clucking in Chicken Little-like fashion, “The sky is falling!”
  
• Even prominent Democrats squawked about HillaryCare and flew the collectivist coop. Realizing that The First Hen really laid an egg, Senator Daniel “The Fox Guarding The Coop” Moynihan said, "there is no health care crisis" and "anyone who thinks [the Clinton health care plan] can work in the real world as presently written isn't living in it."
  

Then one memorable day--etched forever in the memory of freedom fighters everywhere, Senate Majority Leader George “The Undertaker” Mitchell finally acknowledged that HillaryCare would never fly and just let it die--without a peep.

Advocates of free market medicine cautiously counted their chickens and only then rejoiced!

People could be seen doing The Chicken Dance everywhere--at home, at work, at school--they were dancing in the street!

People everywhere were heard raucously singing a new song that rocketed to the top of the charts:

Hillary Billary got in a brawl,

Hillary Billary had a great fall,

And all The Hen’s forces,

And all The Cock’s men,

Couldn't put HillaryCare together again.

Yes, the game of chicken was finally over! Free market health care advocates won as HillaryCare veered off the left side of the road and splashed into a pond filled with red scum.

Her plan scuttled and her feathers ruffled, the humiliated First Hen tucked her wounded pride under her left wing and flew back to The First Hen’s Coop at the White House, where she was seen wiping a whole lot of egg off her face. Her public appearances were as rare as hen’s teeth.

Epilogue

As the debate closed on the fate of Hillarycare, the 1994 mid-term election became a "referendum on big government.” In that election, the Republican Revolution led by Newt Gingrich gave the GOP control of both the House and the Senate for the first time in 40 years. This election also ended any major statist-inspired efforts to reform health care for the next 25 years. This left capitalist cronies in the insurance industry free to put mindless bureaucrats to practice medicine without a license by standing between doctors and patients.

The First Hen stayed cooped up for a while and re-read “Rules for Radicals” by Saul Alinksy. A few years later she did reemerge for public view only to be humiliated again. During the scandal involving her husband’s breeding patterns, Monica “The Intern Chick” Lewinsky brought to light what many hens, including Jennifer “The Undercover Chick” Flowers, had known for a long time: The First Hen’s husband, Billy “The Cock-in-Chief” Clinton had been “cock-a-doodle-doing” many chicks for many years. Many chicks came home to roost!

Fast forward to the present: Barack “The Quack-in-Chief” Obama is hell-bent on plunging us into the abyss of abysmal health care.

Having “been there, done that,” Former First Hen, Hillary Clinton, is reportedly offering The Quack-in-Chief a bird’s eye view of her wreckage and is advising him on how to avoid another crash and burn: She is telling him to move legislation through Congress as fast as he can so the opposition does not have enough time to cause another crash and burn.

Anyone up another game of chicken?

Imagine hearing the chorus now:

Barack Obama felt so tall,

Barack Obama had a great fall,

And all The One’s forces,

And all The One’s men,

Couldn't put ObamaCare together again.

UNCONFIRMED NEWS FLASH: Former First Hen, Hillary Clinton, is rumored to be lobbying “The Quack-in-Chief” hard for a multimillion dollar research program to find a cure for rapid cycling zipper disorder. Rumor has it that Michelle “The New Chick in Town” Obama is very concerned about how her husband is strutting around with increasingly shameless cockiness and is ordering Obama to fund research on zipper disorders. Hen-pecked as he seems, Obama would almost certainly not squawk about that.

UPDATE: As shown below in the YouTube video, “The Quack-in-Chief” is adored so much by the left-wing birds of a feather in the media that they are starting to imitate him by quacking their approval as he speaks. Maybe this is an expression of the well-known natural phenomena of imprinting. Perhaps we should start referring to these easily impressed members of the media as “The Dear One’s Little Ducklings.”

UPDATE--July 10, 2009: Pamela Geller at Atlas Shrugs (http://atlasshrugs2000.typepad.com/atlas_shrugs/) calls more attention to the wandering eye of “The Quack-in-Chief.” Rumor has it that his wife, Michelle “The New Chick in Town,” put her ducky hubby in the dog house with a guard dog until a new drug is approved to prevent rapid cycling zipper disorder in Presidents.

[Selene]

My how the mighty transparently marxist moron has fallen:

That may have been the worst performance I have seen by a President .

1) stammering and almost incoherent;

2) absolutely no new information to justify a prime time "news" conference;

3) only five (5) questions asked!!!!;

4) no plan, no explanation of how to pay for it;

5) incredibly stupid, inaccurate and race baiting answer to the last question; and

6) essentially, delusional.

Awful performance.