CNA Posted June 28, 2006 Share Posted June 28, 2006 Rich sent this to me and I wanted to post it. I was busting up over some of these. I very much enjoy the exchanges between the lawyers and the doctors. I've heard some whoppers as well in my day. There have been times where literally you have to turn and look the other way to just keep it together. These are actual exchanges that have ocurred either in court or in depositions and were on the record when the exchanges ocurred.Thank you, Rich, I enjoyed these !!ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there.~~~ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?WITNESS: July 18th.ATTORNEY: What year?WITNESS: Every year.~~~ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.~~~ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?WITNESS: I forget.ATTORNEY: You forget?? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?~~~ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?WITNESS: Forty-five years.~~~ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan.~~~ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?WITNESS: We both do.ATTORNEY: Voodoo?WITNESS: We do.ATTORNEY: You do?WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.~~~ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?~~~ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.~~~ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?~~~ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Uh....~~~ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?~~~ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death.ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?~~~ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?~~~ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.~~~ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.~~~ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oral.~~~ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him.~~~ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Huh?~~~ATTORNEY: You claim my client bit off the ear of the complaining witness, correct?WITNESS: YesATTORNEY: So you actually saw my client bite off that man's ear?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Well, than how can you be so sure it was my client who bit the ear off?WITNESS: Because I saw him spit it out!~~~ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, I suppose it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aggrad02 Posted June 28, 2006 Share Posted June 28, 2006 That was pretty funny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now