A little cow humor to demonstrate the difference between different societies.

[galtgulch]

This is not original with me, rather it is by a poster on the www.campaignforliberty.com forum:

Posted 11/07/08 08:11 AM

filmmaker58

Pahrump, NV <<<"Here's an easy example of the difference between a democracy and a republic, with a few other things thrown in.

SOCIALISM

You have 2 cows.

You are forced by Obama to give one to your neighbor.

COMMUNISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and rations your milk.

FASCISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both because they might damage a turtle habitat. They take one away to study it's environmental impact, pay seven people to milk the other (six lean on overpriced shovels while one does the work), and then throw the milk away...

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell one and buy a bull.

Your herd multiplies, you hire people to milk the cows, the economy grows.

You sell them and retire on the income.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows. You outsource the labor of milking them to Korea, and hire Mexican truckers to transport the milk.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.

A FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.

You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You count them and learn you have five cows.

You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.

You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.

You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION

You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.

You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You have 300 people milking them.

You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.

You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION

Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.

You tell them that you have none.

No-one believes you, so they bomb the sh#t out of you and invade your country.

You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy...

A DEMOCRACY

You have two cows, you vote for government benefits to help you take care of the cows. Your taxes continue to go up to pay for the benefits. (largely because of the Bureaucracy example above) Your country goes broke and you lose all your cows.

A REPUBLIC

You have two cows. You recognize that the above mentioned capitalism is the best policy, and you protect the rights of the individual against the threat of all these other philosophies. ">>>

I am tempted to add:

Mixed Economy

You and fellow farmers, who own no cows at all, have a meeting to discuss which variety of cow will generate the largest subsidy if you all agree not to raise them!

galt

Edited November 10, 2008 by galtgulch

[Chris Grieb]

Galt; Very funny!

[Jonathan]

Funny.

I'd only make one change:

A REPUBLIC

You have two cows. You recognize that the above mentioned capitalism is the best policy, but you're a "maverick" who believes in "reaching across the aisle" and "uniting," so, when you're not losing elections, you're doing everything you can to compromise and help implement all of the the above listed systems other than capitalism.

J

[Brant Gaede]

An Internet site: You have no cows but write about them. Farmers soon overwhelm your server and your Alexa rating goes through the roof.

--Brant

Edited November 9, 2008 by Brant Gaede

[Mike11]

These jokes will be around long after I die but will still be funny.