Bubba Claus

[Michael Stuart Kelly]

This has been making the Internet rounds and it is really cute (I grew up redneck):

Subject: Letter from Santa Claus

Dear Parents,

I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer serve the States of Georgia, Florida, Virginia, West Virginia, North and South Carolina, Tennessee, Mississippi, Texas, Alabama, and Arkansas on Christmas Eve.

Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. As part of the new and better contract I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies so keep that in mind.

However, I’m certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement, who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a few differences between us.

Differences such as:

1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads: "These toys insured by Smith and Wesson."

2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave an RC cola and pork rinds [or a moon pie] on the fireplace. And Bubba doesn’t smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please have an empty spit can handy.

3. Bubba Claus’ sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin’ coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer one time, and Blitzen’s head now overlooks Bubba’s fireplace.

4. You won’t hear, "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen.." when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you’ll hear, "On Earnhardt, on Andretti, on Elliott, and Petty."

5. "Ho, Ho, Ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!" And you also are likely to hear Bubba’s elves respond, "I her’d dat!"

6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus’ sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words "Back Off."

7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th Street" and "It’s a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your negotiated viewing area. Instead, you’ll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and "Smokey and the Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each other.

And Finally,

8. Bubba Claus doesn’t wear a belt. If I were you, I’d make sure you, the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents under the tree.

Sincerely Yours,

S. Claus

Also, more redneck Xmas on YouTube:

Michael

[Kat]

:santa:

I like it. Nothing like good ole redneck humor for the holidays.

BTW - I added the Jeff Foxworthy clip to the new and improved Christmas video list over in the music forum so go check out all the holiday videos and add some of your own favorites.

HO HO HO.

Kat

[Chris Grieb]

I was watching Larry the Cable Guy and Ron White on Comedy Central last night so I'm in a redneck frame of mind.

Just to show I have more than one side I was also watching Book TV.

What ever you do enjoy it.

[Selene]

I was watching Larry the Cable Guy and Ron White on Comedy Central last night so I'm in a redneck frame of mind.

Just to show I have more than one side I was also watching Book TV.

What ever you do enjoy it.

Humor is universal. One of the saddest behaviors that I have seen develope at "cock tail" parties, George Carlin is rolling over laughing at the conflict of coding, is the individual inability of folks to be "real".

A joke or statement is heard and there is an almost furtive quick look at the immediate group for permission to laugh. I was an outside invite to a major Chamber of Commerce annual luncheon on the south shore of Long Island and one of the board members, who owned an upscale jewelry store stated that she was a born again christian and I instantly commented, why were you asleep the first time?

There was that pregnant pause in sound and movement wherein everyone is checking their power ratings until she burst out laughing and we have been close friends ever since.

It just reminds me of some of the "parties" in Atlas. I have never understood or accepted the political correctness crowd. Unfortunately, they are the new brown shirts or the new comsomol.