My New Novel

[Joseph-612]

Hello everyone:

After reading many of your posts, I feel quite comfortable here. I'd like to share my little book with you all. It's not published yet, but I do have a literary agent who's shopping it around. Here is the Prologue for your consideration. Critiques are welcome, please enjoy.

HOMO ASTROS

(Star Man)

A Novel of Possibilities

by

Joseph Anthony Bonello

Prologue

“Mr. Goodfellow, are you insane?”

Gabe smiled at Senator Maxine Wilton, New York. “I’ve heard that more than once or twice.”

The mature, blonde woman leaned closer to her microphone at the subcommittee table. “Mr. Goodfellow, crippling energy crisis aside, this country is in the throes of the worst economic slow-down of the last one hundred years. Add to that, the crushing financial burden of the ongoing war on terror. And, with government social obligations stretched into deficit spending, do really expect us to write you a check for two trillion dollars finance your energy generating scheme?”

“No, Mam. I intend to finance this program myself.”

Everyone in the packed Senate audience chamber gasped.

Senator Wilton’s jaw dropped. “Two trillion dollars?”

“It would cost that much, probably even more, if the government tried to build solar-powered generating stations in orbit,” Gabe declared. “But, I’ll bet I can bring the first satellite online for under a trillion.”

“Again, are you insane?”

He shook his head. “Until now, I’ve kept Goodfellow Technologies wholly private, and my company’s gross value exceeds seven-hundred billion dollars. With an initial public offering, I believe I can raise enough capital to build the essential infrastructure and set up the lunar mining

colony that would supply the necessary construction materials for the satellites.”

“And the balance?”

“I’d borrow it.”

“From whom?”

“Anyone with hope. Anyone with the courage to dream. Anyone who believes our destiny lies with the stars.”

“Just like that?” She scoffed.

Gabe smiled again. “Just like that. Listen, this energy crisis is a direct result of our addiction to imported oil. A stable, renewable energy-generating system is absolutely vital to our national security. I believe that space-based solar power can provide that security.”

The senator rubbed her temples. “What then, do you want from me? The government?”

“I want a commitment to streamline the approval process between all the federal and state bureaucracies so I can bring this project in on time—and on budget. I want to end these damned blackouts. I want to free the American people from their dependence on foreign oil. I want to take this country back into space.”

“We’ll take all this into consideration,” Senator Wilton said. “Is there anything else?”

“Just get the hell out of my way and I’ll build the satellites.” Gabe stood up. “You can stay at home and mind your social programs.”

[Michael Stuart Kelly]

Joseph,

Hey, this looks cool. I like it. Please feel free to post whatever you wish, but, please don't blow any deal you might have by showing it on the Internet. (Maybe talk it over with your agent first.)

The excerpt isn't enough to get a feel for the story, but it is enough to get a notion of your writing ability and talent.

Go for the stars, dude. You can.

Michael

[Kat]

“I want a commitment to streamline the approval process between all the federal and state bureaucracies so I can bring this project in on time—and on budget. I want to end these damned blackouts. I want to free the American people from their dependence on foreign oil. I want to take this country back into space.”

It looks like its going be a good story. I'm a bit curious about the process. Is the story evolving along one or more of the plot structures that Michael has been outlining in the writing techniques forum? How far along is the book?

Like Rand's novels, there is a very strong ideological message behind the story. That is a wonderful way to get these important ideas out there in the mainstream. I wish you much success with this.

Kat

[Jody Gomez]

Okay, so I'll play the Simon Cowell here...third person limited is tough to pull off. Like Kat, I see the ideological message and wish you luck getting it out there, but ideologies do not make good fiction, in and of themselves. Good fiction comes from what John Gardner would call an authors ability to pull off the "fictional dream": something that shows us seamlessly.

Everyone in the packed Senate audience chamber gasped.

As I said, third person limited is tough. You've just set aside a task for yourself, that perhaps more than any other point of view requires a brilliant story-tellers ability to SHOW. Everyone gasped at the same time? Set up a protagonist, and SHOW his reaction. This will be much stronger than letting your ideology "tell" of it's opposite. This is meant to be constructive criticism, because I admire your effort at writing something worth reading, worth spending money on. Just look back over things, and do a better job showing me.

[Jody Gomez]

Oh, and welcome to the living room Joseph. I hope you don't take offense to my criticism. I see my wife get her ass chewed all the time in fiction work shops, so I understand both sides of the coin. Have you ever workshopped a piece of fiction?

[Michael Stuart Kelly]

Jody,

I'm glad you joined the discussion. It takes a lot of guts for a new author to put his stuff up for peer review, so now is the stage where we find out if Joseph is comfortable enough to discuss his creativity, or if he is still fragile (and there's nothing wrong with being fragile - it is just something we all have to learn how to handle as writers).

That was very good advice you gave him. I also have some initial comments, but I am saving them for when I read more. There's a naturalness about his dialogue that I like. There is one comment I will make for Joseph right now.

Nobody likes to do rewrites.

Nobody.

Not one.

Nowhere.

Especially not me.

(But we all have to do them.)

Michael