Dennis Edwall Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 Totally tasteless. But funny.So, I was walking through the mall in Portland and I saw that there was a Muslim bookstore. I was wondering what exactly was in a Muslim bookstore so I went in.As I was wandering around taking a look, the clerk stopped me and asked if he could help me?“Do you have a copy of Donald Trump’s book on his U.S. Immigration Policy regarding Muslims and illegal Mexicans?”The clerk said, “F— off, get out and stay out!”I said, “Yes, that’s the one. Do you have it in paperback?” 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Stuart Kelly Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 Dennis,LOL...Michael Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Selene Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 Hilarious... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Derek McGowan Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 thats funny Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jules Troy Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 Rotfl! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Stuart Kelly Posted August 26, 2015 Share Posted August 26, 2015 Here's another Trump humor thing.I'm going to push fair use because it's so short.Some things are just too good to resist... It's pretty anti-Trump, but even so, you have to guffaw. Abraham Trump's Gettysburg AddressBy longbrothers Funny or DieAugust 12, 2015Thanks. What an incredible crowd. They tell me this is the biggest crowd in the history of the North.A while back some founders got together. And I mean they were good people but they really didn’t know anything about building a country. C’mon, you know, let’s face facts. Franklin with his little glasses and Washington with those horrible dentures — it was a nightmare. They didn’t know what the hell they were doing.So then everyone comes to me and they say, “Please help us we’re in this terrible mess.” And believe me I knew this was gonna happen because our leaders were a total disaster who didn’t have a clue how to negotiate. Not the first clue, OK. It’s crazy. And I knew em all. Millard Filmore? The guy was a trainwreck. Franklin Pierce? A complete moron. Moron. And then James Buchanan they say dressed up like a woman if you can even believe it. I could tell you stories.I mean they’re useless but I did business with ’em because I’m a businessman. It’s what I do. I traded cotton. I traded tobacco. I built the biggest plantations in the world. In fact I’ll tell you a story. Jefferson Davis came to me and begged me — begged me to live on a beautiful plantation that I had built in Mississippi. And it was beautiful, everything top notch and luxurious. I mean not the slave cabins ’cause they’re built for slaves. But everything was great and he’s pleading with me and what am I gonna say, “No”? So I sold it to him for an unbelievable profit. Largest profit ever made on a plantation sale. Hundreds of dollars in profit all pre-Confederate, which two centuries from now will be worth around $10 billion if maybe I decide to leave any to my kids. Who knows. We’ll see. And I say that not to brag just to give you an idea what’s what.And by the way the slaves love me. Love me. The food portions. The amount of sleep. They’re nuts about me. If they end up freed when this is all over I will win the slave vote.Anyway our politicians are the worst, they’re total failures and they didn’t let the South go bye bye and so I pick up the paper today and I read Salmon Chase may run against me in ’64! This idiot is in my own cabinet. And I like my cabinet, most of them have terrible beards but they’re OK. They follow orders. First of all what kind of name is Salmon? Should be a harpooneer on a whaling ship with a name like that. So I thought to myself, Salmon Chase, isn’t he the guy who night and day pleaded for a job with me after I kicked his ass at the convention in 1860? It was. I even found his telegraph number, give it a try see if it works. Dot dot dash dash dash dot dash dot dot dot dash.And I can just hear the papers: “Abraham’s attacking again. He’s saying terrible things.” No. I say what I say because I’m honest. And I’m actually doing my job. Not like those nitwits in Washington. I mean I’m out here opening a cemetery for Christ sake! And as I look at this place I’m thinking, “How could there have been so many casualties?” There’s rocks and orchards all around, if I had the time I’d develop the property, but you can’t tell me that if you call yourself a soldier and you hear a shell or something coming you couldn’t have found a place to hide. And incidentally, so what, now Meade is some kind of a great general because he defeated Pickett’s charge? You’re up on a ridge with all your cannons and everything and the other army is walking right toward you. I mean they’re literally walking. Who couldn’t win that!The point is I’m up all hours saving the Union and then here we are in this cemetery and I’m supposed to do what? Honor the dead? They’re dead. They’re losers. How are we in debt to them? I hate to tell you, but I like the guys who didn’t die. I’ll honor some of them.And speaking of honoring, they want me to wrap up so they can honor me at a dinner. I’m so in demand it’s insanity half the time. All I’m telling you is if you’re living everything is for you. And the photo:Michael Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Stuart Kelly Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 Glenn Beck, who is slowly coming around to Trump (but still a bit hostile), is at least is doing some cute stuff about Trump.This hit my Facebook newsfeed I bit earlier and I too a screenshot of it: Michael Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Stuart Kelly Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 Today must be the day.It just keeps coming. Look what I found now:LOL... Michael Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Selene Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 That Gettysburg speech is brilliant satire, on point all the way.Trump also has the Jewish Yenta mensch cadence in his speech.As a rhetoric teacher, he is a treasure.A... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Stuart Kelly Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 This one is about Trump and the Bible.In a recent interview, a Bloomberg interviewer tried to corner Trump about his favorite Bible passage. Trump, recognizing the media trap for mockery, said it was a private affair and he preferred not to comment. But that the Bible was a special book, his favorite. Asked whether he was Old Testament guy or a New Testament guy, he said, "About equal." (See here for one story among many.)This was probably the best answer possible to keep controversy going in the press, thus his name in the news. His critics say he can't cite a verse (insinuating he is lying) and his supporters say he refused to walk into a typical trap the media sets for religious people.(Guess which one I believe? After all, Trump's preacher of choice for years was Norman Vincent Peale, the positive thinking dude.)Now for the humor. People started a hashtag to post made-up Biblical history from a Trumpian perspective and it is hilarious:HashTag TrumpBibleA few just for a sample:Noah was a very smart business man. He cornered the market and really cleaned up after the flood. Great golfer.The 3 wise men brought gold, frankincense, and myrrh, which sounds like 2 of them didn't read The Art of the Deal. What dopes.Jesus, what a highly overrated loser. There was blood coming out of his hands, his feet, his side. His wherever.Trust me. I will be the best Bible president we ever had. Have you seen the polls? I am killing it in the Bible belt.I lost a lot of respect for the Pharaoh. Never should have let the Hebrews go because of, what, hail? The Hebrews love me.Don't get me wrong: Jesus? Great guy, classy. But a terrible executive. I would never tolerate a traitor within my organization.I like Jesus. Anyone that can feed 5000 people with 2 fish is sharp. Big mistake not charging per plate. But I still like him. Michael Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mikee Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 deleted Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Stuart Kelly Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 And there's this. Think he's making a point about Japan? " data-width="350"> /">Trump's China PolicyTrump on China: "CHINA, CHINA, CHINA, CHINA, CHINA CHINA, CHINA, CHINA, CHINA, CHINA CHINA, CHINA, CHINA, CHINA, CHINA CHINA, CHINA, CHINA, CHINA, CHINA CHINA, CHINA, CHINA, CHINA, CHINA CHINA, CHINA..."Posted by The Huffington Post on Friday, August 28, 2015 Michael Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jules Troy Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 Oh man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Stuart Kelly Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 Even UFOs Are Following Trump (Despite Being Undocumented Aliens)Can the Donald build a wall high enough to keep these aliens out?by Lee Speigel08/31/2015Huffington PostTake me to your leader.That's what you hear in classic sci-fi movies when the little green men land. But those words are also apropos in this election season. When the 2016 presidential race ends, what leader will those ETs be taken to?We're not saying that otherworldly beings are getting behind a candidate just yet, but a UFO was reported following Donald Trump's helicopter earlier this month at the Iowa State Fair. And on it goes.The funny part about this article is that, in contrast to the tongue-in-cheek style about Trump and UFOs, it ends by discussing Podesta's real-life concern with UFOs. (It's true. He's loopy that way.)Podesta is Hillary's campaign manager.It's all cute, though.This article gives the term, illegal aliens, a depth of meaning it didn't have before.Michael Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Selene Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
9thdoctor Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Selene Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 Very nice! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Stuart Kelly Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 Another Presidential Hairloom:Michael Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jules Troy Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 Rotflmao Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Selene Posted September 11, 2015 Share Posted September 11, 2015 How The Donald goes to the hardware store.....????Not... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Stuart Kelly Posted September 12, 2015 Share Posted September 12, 2015 If anyone wants to try this, go for it:Attention procrastinators: You can now paint with Donald Trump's faceCNNLink to the app site:Paint With Donald TrumpLater I might make a few and post them here. It's drop dead easy. The hard part is to come up with something legitimately funny.Michael Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Selene Posted September 12, 2015 Share Posted September 12, 2015 If anyone wants to try this, go for it:Attention procrastinators: You can now paint with Donald Trump's faceCNNLink to the app site:Paint With Donald TrumpLater I might make a few and post them here. It's drop dead easy. The hard part is to come up with something legitimately funny.MichaelI am sure Peter will rise to the occasion Ok Ok it is a hot air balloon however this is what his cat picked.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Stuart Kelly Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 Here's a "Trump" interview with Hillary right before the Sept. 16 GOP debate. By Hillary doing this on a show like Fallon's, that is a form of power-player acknowledgment. Surprisingly, in light of Hillary's recent media appearances, it was good fun. Oh... Hillary did her talking points, but didn't do so many they spoiled the funny stuff. The Donald (even a fake one) seems to bring out the humorous side in her. She seemed at ease in the skit, not so tense and scripted. That could be a good thing or that could be a bad thing. I think it's a good thing. Michael Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brant Gaede Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 They really mean, about immigrants, more Democratic voters.--Brant Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Selene Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 Evita did very well...even interjected the fact that she has a severe drinking problem... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now