Happy St. Patrick's Day - Erin Go Bragh-less!

[Selene]

So anyone heard any good Irish jokes?

[caroljane]

So anyone heard any good Irish jokes?

Bill O'Reilly?

Oh - I see you said jokes, not jokers.

I saw him with Stephen Colbert and they were both brilliant. And did an Irish schtick

[Selene]

So...

Three guys walk into a bar: a Frenchman, an Italian and an Irishman. Each orders one beer. Three flys fly into the bar and one fly lands in each man's beer.

The Italian man plucks the fly out of his beer, says "tutto e bene" (all is well)" and drinks the beer.

The Frenchman shows his beer with the bug still inside it to the bartender and demands another beer. [another reason to hate the French!]

The Irishman yanks the bug out of the beer, grabs it by it's wings, shakes it while yelling

"Cough it up, you wee theivin' bastard!"

[Selene]

Patrick O'Malley hoisted his beer and said: "Here's to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!" - and he took home the top prize for the best toast of the night.

In bed later that night, he told his wife: "Mary, I won the prize for the best toast of the night." She said, "Aye, Paddy, what was your toast?"

So he told her: "Here's to spending the rest of me life sitting in church beside me wife."

"Oh," she said, "that is very nice, dear."

The next day, Mary ran into one of Paddy's drinking partners in the street. Mischievously, the man said: "Did you hear about your husband winning a prize in the pub the other night for a toast about you, Mary?"

She replied: "Aye - and I was a bit surprised. Till now, he's only been down there twice. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come".

[caroljane]

Patrick O'Malley hoisted his beer and said: "Here's to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!" - and he took home the top prize for the best toast of the night.

In bed later that night, he told his wife: "Mary, I won the prize for the best toast of the night." She said, "Aye, Paddy, what was your toast?"

So he told her: "Here's to spending the rest of me life sitting in church beside me wife."

"Oh," she said, "that is very nice, dear."

The next day, Mary ran into one of Paddy's drinking partners in the street. Mischievously, the man said: "Did you hear about your husband winning a prize in the pub the other night for a toast about you, Mary?"

She replied: "Aye - and I was a bit surprised. Till now, he's only been down there twice. Once he fell asleep, an- typd the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come".

lol - typical Lombard trick, stealing a guid Scots joke to peddle to the credulous Yanks!

Carol

the Lynams were originally Lenihans from Ireland, so the family tradition goes, but nobody knows when they sneaked across the sea to Scotland.

I don't have discernible Irish blood myself, it's all English and Scots with the likely admixture of Micmac-- but green is my favourite colour.

My nextdoor Scottish pub, which we call McPricey's, is O'Pricey's today and serving overpriced mulligatawney.

[syrakusos]

Be that as it may, I am thinking of the scene in Patriot's Game where the English intelligence supervisor meets the IRA informant and says only "Really" in the way that only the English can...

Guiness and Green aside, poor old Ireland suffered long under English rule.

The Clancy Brothers - what in Cleveland we called "Professional Irish" of St, Malachi's Church,

would have you think of this

while they give money and weapons to the IRA...

But Peter Paul and Mary knew better

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wAhcrUorNg0

There is no glory in death

"men die, but the regiment lives on..."

Yeah, but men die and when are you dead, your existence ends.

That is an objective fact.

So drink your Guiness and toast to the Old Sod, but be glad you don't live there.

(The ethics of altruism explain well why there has never been an Irish pope.

The Irish give, but never receive.)

There is an upside, of course. Those minstrels would wrap their pipes in hemp.

Thus ...

[Michael Stuart Kelly]

My Irish joke is pretty lame, but it came from a time when I thought I was more Irish descent than Scot. The girls used to get me with this one every year.

Lady: Help! Help! I've been raped by an Irishman!

Cop: Where?

Lady: In the dark alley over there.

Cop: There're no lights back in there. You can't see a darn thing. How do you know it was an Irishman?

Lady: I had to help him.

Michael

[Selene]

Well now that the children are in bed...

Q: What do Irish redheads and spaghetti have in common?

A: They both wriggle when you eat them.

======================================================

Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been

run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his

face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp.

"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.

"Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.

"That little shit, O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that to you,

he must have had something in his hand."

"That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible

lickin' he gave me with it."

"Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself, didn't you

have something in your hand?"

"That I did," said Paddy. "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of

beauty it was, but useless in a fight."

[Bryce]

[Selene]

EXCELLENT!!!!