Back and Poly

[equality72521]

Alright I am back and ready to make lots and lots of trouble . Lets start with the update.

So my best-friend D and I have decided to become polyamorous. Given the nature of our friendship and closeness this is a logical step for us to take. How did we come to this decision? Well that is a bit more complex. It basically started with a question from him to me, the question was "Is monogamy the only legitimate form of relationship.". Well we knew Ayn Rand's answer but I have never been one to take something on faith so we discussed it. Then I thought about it, then he thought about it, then we discussed it, then I thought about it some more... and well i'm sure you can figure out way that goes. Now some might say that I have a bad track record as far as relationships go, and if you consider 1 girlfriend in 9th grade that lasted 2 weeks a bad track record then your right. My "Relationships" if you could call them that were always very open with the exception of that 1 girl. They didn't really begin or end and they could never be considered exclusive, I never had official girlfriends or boyfriends just people I went on dates with and or had sex with. Some might think that this would mean that naturally I would jump at the chance to title myself poly-whatever.

Well the truth is I am a romantic at heart. Although I never claimed exclusivity (and would have been enraged at the idea of someone claiming me) I had never really thought about the question of monogamy too much, that is to say I knew one day I might want to settle down with one person but that was later if ever. I did not nor do I have an aversion to polygamy or bigamy but I thought if I ever settled down than the relationship would be monogamous. His question however got me thinking and questioning assumptions I had always made. I began to read more and more on the subject and researching the different types of relationships and the family structures that follow. Well after several months we started talking about it again and looked at the positive and negative of everything. We finally came to the conclusion that for Him and I the best form was polyandry, and that is how we came to looking for a girl friend.

So for my own personal interest, what kind of relationship are you guys in (or looking for) and why do you choose one over the other.

[studiodekadent]

First, just want to say I hope your decision to try a polyamorous relationship works out for you.

I think the idea of monogamy as 'natural' is fallacious, if the divorce rate is any indication. Also, monogamy's associated possessiveness does scare me a bit, to be honest. Would I want to leap into a poly relationship? Not entirely sure, but I'd certainly class myself as friendly to polyamory and polyamorous persons.

As for me, I'm single and not particularly interested in a relationship, to be honest. I've got other things to do, and my terror of possessiveness is coupled with a general need for my own space and my own company. Sometimes I need company but other times I need to be alone.

[BaalChatzaf]

Monogamy worked for me and the Mrs. We have been married to each other going on 55 years. It is difficult (at times) but far from impossible.

Ba'al Chatzaf

[Brant Gaede]

One of you robbed the crib.

--Brant

no statute of limitations

[BaalChatzaf]

One of you robbed the crib.

--Brant

no statute of limitations

We were both young when married, but Mrs. is 11 month older than I.

I was married 6 days short of my 21st birthday. Since I was married in Massachusetts I need my parent's permission. Such was the law at the time. My wedding photos look like my bar mitzvah.

Ba'al Chatzaf

[studiodekadent]

Monogamy worked for me and the Mrs. We have been married to each other going on 55 years. It is difficult (at times) but far from impossible.

Ba'al Chatzaf

Oh, it clearly works for some.

I just don't think it should be assumed to be natural for the entire human race as a whole.

Different strokes, different folks etc.

[equality72521]

Monogamy can work for some at least for a while. However I am expecting to live to be very very old. One of the reasons why I personally have decided to do this is because it is hard to find a good woman. Althoght I have recently decided to become bisexual my tendency is certainly towards men. However I want children and I also want to raise them in a home with a mother. I am opposed entirely to the concept of open relationships. My best friend however is straight however we both enjoy each other intimately. Given our closeness this seems to be the best for both of us. I believe it will provide a better more stable home for any children we decide to have, it will allow the three of us to more easily pursue our own interest as well as provide financial security.

I believe the ideal size for this type of relationship is either 3 or 5, right now we want to keep it to three. I also believe that men should out number women in the relationship for very practical reasons. We are planning on a civil union not a state marriage, and we agree that it is not a life commitment. We want it to last for at least 15 years, which hike that is a long time by many standards it is short by the length of life I plan to live.

I have already done a lot of research and looked at the best way to arrange a relationship of this kind. If you want the geometry ask.

[Brant Gaede]

One of you robbed the crib.

--Brant

no statute of limitations

We were both young when married, but Mrs. is 11 month older than I.

I was married 6 days short of my 21st birthday. Since I was married in Massachusetts I need my parent's permission. Such was the law at the time. My wedding photos look like my bar mitzvah.

Ba'al Chatzaf

I'm happy for you--both.

--Brant

[Brant Gaede]

Monogamy can work for some at least for a while. However I am expecting to live to be very very old. One of the reasons why I personally have decided to do this is because it is hard to find a good woman. Althoght I have recently decided to become bisexual my tendency is certainly towards men. However I want children and I also want to raise them in a home with a mother. I am opposed entirely to the concept of open relationships. My best friend however is straight however we both enjoy each other intimately. Given our closeness this seems to be the best for both of us. I believe it will provide a better more stable home for any children we decide to have, it will allow the three of us to more easily pursue our own interest as well as provide financial security.

I believe the ideal size for this type of relationship is either 3 or 5, right now we want to keep it to three. I also believe that men should out number women in the relationship for very practical reasons. We are planning on a civil union not a state marriage, and we agree that it is not a life commitment. We want it to last for at least 15 years, which hike that is a long time by many standards it is short by the length of life I plan to live.

I have already done a lot of research and looked at the best way to arrange a relationship of this kind. If you want the geometry ask.

Don't let your brain lead you into a personal disaster. Probe and evaluate, probe and evaluate. Relationships by the numbers are likely to be ships on the rocks of destruction.

--Brant

[equality72521]

That's true by the numbers is bad, however this is not exactly by the numbers. It's a realistic assessment of the facts. Love, true love is rational, given our shared values my friend and I are "in the market" for the same woman. Why should a woman I love also not love my best, closest, and most dear friend. Further why should we not desire the same woman. Our tastes in looks are a bit different sure, however looks are. Of the most important to us. By the numbers it just makes sense.