Start your day off with a laugh....

[Ciro]

Start your day off with a laugh....

Butt Dust & Fleas

These have to be original and genuine - no adult is this creative!

MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, "If you don't Melanie said, "If you don't remember, just look in the back of your panties. Mine say

five to six."

STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom goodnight. "I love you so much, that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window."

BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a painkiller. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a childproof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: "How does it know it's me?

SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. "Please don't give me this juice again," she said, "It makes my teeth cough."

D I (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: "How much do I cost?"

MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad, "Why is he whispering in her mouth?"

CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, "I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in?"

JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read, "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt. "Concerned, James asked, "What happened to the flea?"

TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for awhile and then asked, "Why doesn't your skin fit your face?"

Last but not least...The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget.

In this particular Sunday sermon, the minister began, "Dear Lord," with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. "Without you, we are but dust." He would have continued, but at that moment my normally very obedient daughter (who was listening!) leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, "Mommy, what is butt dust?"

[Jody Gomez]

When my son was 4(he just turned 5), my mother was making mine and Lydia's wedding cake and she told him that the next one she made would probably be his someday. He asked why, and my mother told him that he would one day find a girl he wanted to marry. Upon hearing this, he said, "Well, I hope she is pregnant because I want to have kids."

[Fran]

I love being an Aunty - it's like all the joys of being a grandparent without having to go through the parent bit first! I enjoy sharing some of the funny things my now 6-year-old nephew, Eliot, has said over the years. [sadly, my sister is not an Objectivist or even close. They live in the UK]

Last September Eliot was at school and his class were mixing different coloured paints together to see what new colours they made; they could then paint a picture with these colours and give their painting a name. Eliot painted a swirling, orange mass and called it "The Circle of Morality" by Eliot, aged 5.

When he was 2 (nearly 3 and talked really well for his age) he came downstairs one morning and my sister asked him: "Eliot, would you like some breakfast," to which he replied: "No. I'll just have a glass of wine."

When he was 4, he was going through a phase of telling everybody that he was 33. He said this to a lady visitor, who said: "Oh, are you, you've worn well." Eliot then patted the back of his head and responded: "Well, I've just had my hair done."

[Xray]

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

“House”, for instance, is feminine: “la casa”. “Pencil”, however, is masculine: ‘”el lapiz”.

A student asked: “What gender is “computer”?

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether" computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun.

Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computadora"), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be

Masculine ("el computador"), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won. ;)

http://forum.statcounter.com/vb/showthread.php?t=26220

Edited May 24, 2011 by Xray

[caroljane]

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

“House”, for instance, is feminine: “la casa”. “Pencil”, however, is masculine: ‘”el lapiz”.

A student asked: “What gender is “computer”?

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether" computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun.

Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computadora"), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be

Masculine ("el computador"), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won. ;)

http://forum.statcounter.com/vb/showthread.php?t=26220

Muchas, muchas gracias! I am committing this to memory right away. I remember so fondly the great sense of humour of Spanish men as one of their most personable qualities and am delighted to see it rise so wryly and exuberantly in this context.

You can't think how you've cheered me up. I have been trying to figure out why in hell the auxilary verb "can" has no future tense in English, just a past and present.Or "will" either come to think of it - but that states futurity itself, so I kind of get that one. "Can" has a future tense in French and Spanish, and I've forgotten the Latin but likely it has there as well. But when you get Teutonic it just doesn't exist. Is it some kind of semantic commentary on the Anglo-Saxon sense of life in the Dark Ages.

I was on the point of actually doing the tedious work of looking it up, but now the hell with that, I am going to root out my old Photo album from Ca'an Pastilla.

Danke Angela