xaithra

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Wow! Adam... Thank you I did not expect anything like this. The thing is... I live in UK. I wonder if that makes difference. I waited until christmas, giving the family some time and waiting for the film "The Tale of Desperaux" to come out. J was involved in it's production. The team had some soft toys for kids and some posters. So... I went to the church hoping to see them... but they already were gone to their mother's parents. I did not have her number, but she called me by accident two weeks ago and I told her about my intentions. She agreed to meet for coffee, brought her friend who never stopped preaching me, and they proposed to meet me by the church with kids if I promise not to tell them anything bad about her (she is responsible for their father's death) That was not my objective and I agreed But on the day of the meeting she has cancelled it one hour before the time, with silly excuses and asked me nicely to not contact her again. My explanation to her at that coffee was clear: I will not give up and rather do it with her... Well now I have no option but to go to legals... So what do you think now?

Hello every body. It was a while... Thank you all for the warm words. I am so glad that you have been my comfort and shoulder at the worse time. It was 3 month since Jason's death. I am working hard and now can talk about him and think about him without tears. The pain comes back only when I allow it... in the moments of special time. The time when I choose to grieve and visit his websites, watching his home video of us, listening to his song he wrote for me and audio messages, looking at his photos. This is my time with him... The rest of my days I am free and I live fully for both of us... Oh! He would be so proud of me! I have read the book of Terry Goodkind "The Faith of Fallen" How I wish I could share it with him!!! He would have loved it. It is like reading The Virtue of Selfishness in action of some fantasy world that is a reflection of real one. Now I have a serious question for you all. Please help if you know anything about legal rights... of step mothers. I cannot find much information on line and will be talking to a solicitor about it. But nevertheless: We was not legally married. Did not need it at all when he was alive. But he had kids... I loved them as much I would love them if they were mine. And they loved me. Now his ex-wife would not let me even say good bye to them now. Of cause I would love the relationship with them and we both could take them out sometimes.. (if she was a reasonable person), I could babysit and help them with school work (I am a teacher). But I do not hope for that much. I just want to see them at least once and to give them some of their fathers personal things... She would not let me. Probably hates my guts (understandable, although he did not leave her for me) or said something to them about Jason or his death... or even about me, and now she is afraid that I will reveal the truth. I don't know. She would not reason. Do I have any rights at all??????????? Thank. PS: I do have pets ... 3 cats, including Jason's favourite Zoe the fat one. Naming a pet after the great man seems almost a good idea if it was not a reduction of the such important person to the limited animal. I prefer to keep him alive right inside of my mind... thank you anyway

Thank you all... Barbara, Shane, Michael, Auden, Chris I must admit that I have cried reading your posts but I feel a little better. People said to me that it will take at least a year to heal, to recover, to want something again... Right now I am deeping myself into work and don't really like to come back home at night because he is not here. I keep hearing him and feeling him. In the mornings i wake up happy for a few seconds not remembering what has happened and then it hits me so hard again and again... I am afraid to sleep. Those bloody mystics keep calling me and inviting me to talk... to look for the comfort with them... but I have to hide my pain from them pretending that I am all right and don't need comfort... But the truth is - I DO!!! And I prefer to find it with a strangers like yourselfs than with christians. Thank you all for your help. Anka

Jason has been cremated last Tuesday. After post mortem the coroners have give us his body back only last week. This is the first time I have managed to get on line in almost 3 weeks... Felt very lonely. His relatives the mystics have done everything NOT the way he would have wanted. They have let me to choose his clothing for him (I have dressed him myself as he was not a big man... he has stitches even on his head), choose flowers, music and to say a few words during the ceremonies... but they DID NOT let me to take his ashes and insisted on taking them back to his home town (the place he hated), they had a priest talking of god there and afterwards they had a service in the local church. They had no respect for his last wishes. They did not attend the cremation itself... they just prayed somewhere. I did not go to the church. I had our friends at my house instead and we had our own service talking about him. None of them is an objectivist unfortunately but they are good people. Now I am here alone and I miss him dreadfully... I keep wanting to discuss things with him, hear him laughing or telling me about his new ideas... I miss his hands and his face. Last time I saw him on Tuesday morning and his skin was cold and his face did not look right... I do not see myself without him. I wish there was another reality where he still can do things and haunt me more then just in my thoughts... But I cannot allow myself to believe even through the pain that there is something else... no matter how desirable that is... He is gone... he does not look down at me from heavens and he is not burning in hell... He is gone

Yi, yi, yi. Every spouse's most awful nightmare! Next to loosing a child this has got to be the worst. My deepest condolences to you. Ba'al Chatzaf Thank you all I am blocking my emotions and try not to think about him. A smallest memory of hour happiness brings up a volcano in me. I do not want to break into a cry yet, I had to sleep all day to recover after 18 hours by his bedside. Now I need to get up and do things... there is so much to do. My head said get up and go... Mhy body said stay in bed until you feel better. Watch tv, eat something first time in days... I hate this state. I am a productive person and now all I want to do is go back to sleep. The worst emotion in the wourld is selfpity

He is gone They did it last night at 8pm. He lived for ten hours. This was the worst time of my life

Guys!!! The doctor told me that they are not doing anybody any favour by keeping him on support. They want me to pull a plug. His relatives-mystics resent the idea saying that we have to pray and wait longer. He is not responding at all any more. His temperature is 39.5. His brain is baking... I am slowly falling apart...

Gosh!! How???

8 day in the coma with no progress in responses - is a bad news. Doctor said he will be most likely damaged for life... May be even unable to move at all. The chance for him to have any reasonable life is close to nothing. I am making myself angry with him to stay calm and focused... but afraid to break any minute. I need to believe that there are other people like him... like myself... That I am not alone. I need a friend who lives the true life of the objectivist. 100 percent like we have...

He is not doing well at all. No body hear me but inside I scream on the top of my voice... I am realistic person and mostly reasonable, preparing myself for the worse... but now I am clinging on that tiny chance that doctors are still giving me. A microscopic fraction of the hope... If he makes it I am ready to believe in miracle or god or what ever... In my desperate desire to have him back... Am I loosing it... Does rationality has a limit when it comes to a hope for no reason?????

My husband and I always loved a good debate hard not to join... but yes I am surprised a bit myself Sounds more like subjectivist never mind By my definition Objectivist is the person who lives by the principals of well-defined phylosophy Objectivism and its ethical position. He makes reasonable choices according to this principals and does not allow "moral greyness" to break his integrity. Going back to the hospital. He was not going too well last night. Thank you for your support, guys

He was diagnosed and he stopped taking tablets just a two days prior to the act... He said he need to think clear... And he is not a man who would let anybody to force anything on him. I did not know he have done that

I cannot believe I hear this on the Objectivist forum.....!!!!! And... My husband did allow me to see the darkest places of him... He even asked me to illustrate it. I have made a drawing that represents his feeling... and it is dark. I wonder if I can post pictures here..?

Not if you love him, value him. That is your choice in the end. I truly feel for you in what must be the most difficult time in your life. I cannot even begin to imagine how I would feel, act, or respond in the same situation. I think Michael it on to something with the grieving. Once your emotions have had a chance to run their course, the answer might be clearer than you think. Again, that will be your choice. ~ Shane Thank you all I am not allowing any grieving to myself right now. I am holding on, working, but if he will die, then it will be my time I suppouse. I may break earlier I don't know. sometime I feel a wave of selfpity and despare. I know that he would want me to be strong and brave... But I am afraid to give in to my greiving... Will I be able to function? I am afraid to be dependant... I am terrified to face my lonely days... years of pain. I want him back... Is it a whim? back from the hospital by the way... no change.