theandresanchez

If I am to surrender to death and pursue hedonism, ignoring the context of my existence, I imagine recreational drugs are more effective. And cheaper than anti-depressants+mood stabilizers+cognitive therapy.

Existence invalidates that possibility. If the second law of thermodynamics could "kill" the universe, it would have done so by now, seeing as the universe has always existed. Do you assume something external to the universe brought it into life? There is nothing external to the universe, by definition.

Universe = the totality of everything that exists. There cannot be multiple universes by the very definition of the word.

It's somewhat amusing that such words are used. Those who do not suffer from depression seem to die just as often as those who do.

No. Are you aware of rand's take on suicide? I have come to the point of thinking there was no alternative but suicide, but at that moment my mind started shifting back and forth between despair and a deep need to hold on to hope. Apathy and anger have blocked suicidal ideation from becoming a suicide attempt. Fundamentaly I do not wish to die, I wish to live, and the thought of being driven to suicide actually made me angry at the universe. It is the sense that I cannot live that drives me to despair. The sense that I have no long term. That no virtue can save me.

That's exactly the problem. See above.

Andre, have you already tried out the medication the doctor gave you? No, it is sitting quietly in my bag. I am hesitant to start taking them.

My concern is not that there are negative aspects to my life that I do not know, in the immediate moment, how to deal with. My concern is that I don't really have the time to figure things out, even assuming they can be figured out, that life is fundamentaly outside of my control. I may work hard to put myself in a "sweet spot" so to speak, but I'll be dragged out of it and into the abyss, where I'll be chained forever, with no way out.

From my father's side, there is nothing obvious, though everyone is obese and seems somewhat gloomy, they are probably considered to be within the "normal" range. From my mother's side, my half-sister is diagnosed as bipolar and has a wreck of a life. My grandmother suffered from severe depression for several years (even being afraid to leave the house), but she had a difficult life, went through abuse, wars and revolutions. My uncle shows the behavior of a classic bipolar, though this is not an official publicly known diagnosis. Everyone in the family seems somewhat unstable, though it is hard to say exactly in what way and to what degree it is a "mental health problem" or a personality trait.

I didn't perceive any hatred. I don't really use Facebook, but I guess I can get my account back up.

Thank you. I have tried humour and fiction in general. I have also tried hiding from the world and playing games instead. I have tried exercise and music. I have tried all sorts of pleasurable activities, I have tried immersing myself in work projects. The pleasure or activity can be distracting and "fun" for a short time, but it wears off, and it can start to feel painful. I feel the pressure of aging, this dual sense of urgency to live life to the fullest, and futility in trying.

Unnecessary? Destructive? If I am doomed for death, such terms are meaningless. The option to live does not seem to be on the table.

For the record, I have been to a doctor recently. He asked for some tests and gave me some meds. I have the impression that this is futile, but I'm willing to be proven wrong.

I don't understand this.

Will it?

Hello, I'm suffering from a fairly serious depression, and have been for many years (since mid childhood, as far as I can tell). It is very debilitating. I have looked for a solution, but did not find it. My study has reached the conclusion that the only means by which depression can be cured is by self-deception, something which psychology has termed "Terror Management", or the use of symbols to evade awareness of death and the anxiety and fear this brings. I am open minded in the sense that I don't simply assume things to be false, and other people to be wrong, but everyone who promises a solution seemed delusional upon closer inspection. I'm sure they have the capacity to bring others into their delusion, and in doing this give them a certain sense of relief, but that's not enough for me. And yes, that includes "doctors". My problem as I see it is this: it seems to me that life is hopeless and action is futile. I cannot escape death. Rand is dead. I am a victim in a universe that is fundamentally hostile, I'm unsafe in the world. At first I was just concerned with politics, but as I grew older I realized this was not a "social" problem, but a metaphysical one. I need help. From people who are actually rational, and won't simply tell me to "meditate" and "let go of the Ego" or any other such nonsense.