Trevor Ashley

Hi all, My name's Trevor. I'm a 19-year-old sophomore engineering major at Harvey Mudd College in Claremont, CA. Here's my story: I grew up as a pretty devout Christian - I always read my Bible, went to church, prayed every day, refrained from "sinful" behavior (or at least tried to). After I got to college my faith was really tested. Going to a school firmly rooted in science and mathematics, I was required to take core courses during my freshman year in physics giving me rational reasons why God could not and does not exist. It left me to a choice: I could choose what I felt was right (my faith), or I could choose what was objectively obvious. My family always told me to avoid the "intellectual cult," so I chose my feelings. I became deeply interested in Christian Existentialism (Kierkegaard and Tillich) and read their works frequently so I could gain an actual sense of meaning in my life. However, something felt like it was stabbing me in the heart - I was never happy (I didn't even know what happiness was). My life just seemed like a waste and I couldn't do anything about it but pray. So I prayed. Again and again. Nothing changed. My life still seemed empty - I was a Christian living his life for God and only God and always felt guilty whenever I lived life for myself. I had a desire to live objectively and scientifically, but I could never find a way to do that while still believing in God. Later, I took another required class regarding the theory of community development, in which I wrote many papers on how community should be based on altruism and selflessness because Jesus Christ was a selfless figure. Someone in my class read my papers and wrote a response to me. It was this response that took me over the edge and truly changed my life. Her argument was based off one simple phrase, "To say 'I love you', one must first be able to say the 'I'." I could not argue against it. Her and I spent a lot of time together discussing Anthem and Rand's other works. Rand's philosophy razed my entire philosophy of my so-called "life" and replaced it with something... amazing. I plowed my way through Atlas Shrugged last summer, and since then everything has changed. I've been reading Nathaniel Branden's works regarding self-esteem and they've helped tremendously (especially after living a life with pretty much no self-esteem and an attitude of self-hatred). I now know what happiness is. I know what love is. I know how to live my life objectively. I've stopped living my life full of contradictions and equipped a toolchest of rational morals. No more God. No more guilt. Only myself. Frankly, I've never been happier in my life. Now that that's out of the way, I suppose I should say some of the things that interest me. Besides reading philosophy, arguing with others, and pondering why the world is becoming more nihilistic, I spend a lot of time doing homework and learning (Mudd takes up most of my freetime). Listening to and performing music makes me happy. I also dance frequently (mainly swing, but I do various shades of ballroom). I absolutely adore swing and jazz. Thank you for your welcome and I look forward to meeting all of you!