Philosopher Jokes

[Barbara Branden]

Excerpts from http://www.as.miami.edu/phi/jokes.htm:

The First Law of Philosophy

For every philosopher, there exists an equal and opposite philosopher.

The Second Law of Philosophy

They're both wrong.

* * * * * * *

Question: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a philosopher?

Answer: An offer you can't understand.

* * * * * * *

Question: What is a recent philosophy Ph.D.'s usual question in his or her first job?

Answer: "Would you like french fries with that, sir?"

* * * * * * *

[Chris Grieb]

Barbara; Thanks!

This is as good place as any to mention that "Aristotle and an Aarrdvark Go to Washington" has been published. This is by the authors of "Aristotle and An Aardvark Walk Into a Bar".

The last book was very funny.

[Dragonfly]

Excerpts from http://www.as.miami.edu/phi/jokes.htm:

The First Law of Philosophy

For every philosopher, there exists an equal and opposite philosopher.

The Second Law of Philosophy

They're both wrong.

That seems to be inspired by Mencken:

Philosophy consists very largely of one philosopher arguing that all others are jackasses. He usually proves it, and I should add that he also usually proves that he is one himself.

[Michael Stuart Kelly]

Barbara,

Those are very funny.

I once wrote a play (but it is in Portuguese and it is bouncing around somewhere in Brazil right now) where a hapless philosopher (Aschlepius) is talking to an Indian mummy (a female one named Atma) that came alive. He is completely astonished by this and asked where the mummy came from. After some bantering, Atma finally tells him, "You think, therefore I exist."

Michael

[syrakusos]

... and the tavern keeper asked Descartes if he wanted one more for the road. Descartes said, "I think not" and ceased to exist.

[Kat]

When philosophers play "football" - Monty Python

[BAMF]

Monty Python-The Philosopher Song

The authors of Aristotle and an Aardvark also wrote "Plato and a Platypus", which I just bought but haven't read yet. Didn't know about those other books. Thanks, Chris!

[Michael Stuart Kelly]

Seen on a restroom wall:

"God is dead: Nietzsche.

Nietzsche is dead: God."

[Michael Stuart Kelly]

This one is for Kitten:

Beatles Philosophy

Here's the first of many just to get an idea. It gets hilarious.

Song: All you need is love

Album: Magical Mystery Tour

Quote: "There's nothing you can know that isn't known"

Comment: John Lennon advocates metaphysical anti-realism and endorses the conclusion of Fitch's paradox.

Spotted by: RossCameron

Michael

[Chris Grieb]

Kori; You are right. The new book about political jokes is the Aristotle book.

[studiodekadent]

How many philosophers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

3, 1 to screw it in, 2 to debate whether or not the bulb actually exists, whether or not screwing it in makes it a different bulb than before, whether its a bulb in virtue of bulbness or naming or the form of the bulb or it fitting into the concept bulb, whether or not screwing in that bulb is ethically permissible under the categorial imperative or whether we are using the bulb as a means to an end, and what are the political implications of screwing in the bulb.

New term for masturbation: "Using myself as a means to an end" (Kant argued that masturbating broke the Categorial Imperative (TRUE!) and as such we have a perfect duty not to stroke the salami/pet the kitten).

[Barbara Branden]

Kat, I love the football game! But who on earth is Plotin?

Barbara

[Alfonso Jones]

Kat, I love the football game! But who on earth is Plotin?

Barbara

Perhaps Plotinus?

An early NeoPlatonist.

Here's a brief paragraph:

"Plotinus is considered to be the founder of Neoplatonism. Taking his lead from his reading of Plato, Plotinus developed a complex spiritual cosmology involving three hypostases: the One, the Intelligence, and the Soul. It is from the productive unity of these three Beings that all existence emanates. The principal of emanation is not simply causal, but also contemplative. In his system, Plotinus raises intellectual contemplation to the status of a productive principle; and it is by virtue of contemplation that all existents are said to be united as a single, all-pervasive reality. In this sense, Plotinus is not a strict pantheist, yet his system does not permit the notion of creatio ex nihilo (creation out of nothingness). In addition to his cosmology, Plotinus also developed a unique theory of sense-perception and knowledge, based on the idea that the mind plays an active role in shaping or ordering the objects of its perception, rather than passively receiving the data of sense experience (in this sense, Plotinus may be said to have anticipated the phenomenological theories of Husserl). Plotinus' doctrine that the soul is composed of a higher and a lower part -- the higher part being unchangeable and divine (and aloof from the lower part, yet providing the lower part with life), while the lower part is the seat of the personality (and hence the passions and vices) -- led him to neglect an ethics of the individual human being in favor of a mystical or soteric doctrine of the soul's ascent to union with its higher part. The philosophy of Plotinus is represented in the complete collection of his treatises, collected and edited by his student Porphyry into six books of nine treatises each. For this reason they have come down to us under the title of the Enneads"

and a more expanded link . . . (from which I took the above paragraph)

http://www.iep.utm.edu/p/plotinus.htm

Bill

[BaalChatzaf]

Excerpts from http://www.as.miami.edu/phi/jokes.htm:

The First Law of Philosophy

For every philosopher, there exists an equal and opposite philosopher.

The Second Law of Philosophy

They're both wrong.

* * * * * * *

Question: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a philosopher?

Answer: An offer you can't understand.

* * * * * * *

Question: What is a recent philosophy Ph.D.'s usual question in his or her first job?

Answer: "Would you like french fries with that, sir?"

* * * * * * *

If you laid out all the philosophers who ever lived in a straight line head to foot, you still would not reach a conclusion.

Ba'al Chatzaf

[emb021]

There is also the segment from the Hitchhicker's Guide to the Galaxy (preferably the radio show or tv, not the movie) when the representatives of the "Amalgamated Union of Philosophers, Sages, Luminaries and other Professional Thinking Persons" appear to protest a demarcation dispute against the Deep Thought computer being asked to determine the Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe and Everything, and to demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty.

They maintain that the search for ultimate truth is the inalienable prerogative of your "working thinkers".

Deep Thought solves this by pointing out it will take him (it?) millions of years to work it out, and in the mean time, the philisophers can argue about what his answer will be, keeping them on 'the gravy train for life'.

Here's the segment on YouTube: http://youtube.com/watch?v=GEVptpZmrOw

There are short segments in the tv show about the works of Oolon Colluphid, such as "Where God Went Wrong", "Some More of God's Greatest Mistakes", "Who Is This God Person Anyway?" His work "Well That About Wraps It Up for God" used the Babel Fish to prove the non-existance of God.