Over 5,000 yrs ago...

[Backlighting]

Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel "pick up your shovel, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the promised land."

Nearly 75 years ago, Roosevelt said, "Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a Camel, this is the promised land."

Now Obama has stolen your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the price of Camels, and mortgaged the promised land!

Furthermore, I was so depressed last night thinking about health care plans, the economy, the wars, lost jobs, diminished savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called Lifeline, the suicide help line. Got a call center in Pakistan . I told them I was suicidal.

They all got excited and asked if I could drive a truck. . .

[Peter]

Vegas wrote:

I called Lifeline, the suicide help line. Got a call center in Pakistan . I told them I was suicidal . . . they got excited and asked if I could drive a truck. . .

That is funny. Still the oldies are good too.

A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender asks him, "Why the long face?"

Peter

[syrakusos]

A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender asks him, "Why the long face?"

Peter

A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"

A sandwich walks into a bar and the bartender throws him out. "We don't serve food here."

A priest, a rabbi and a minister walk into the bar and the bartender asks, "What is this, a joke?"

A jump lede walks into a bar and the bartender growls, "Don't try to start anything." (Newspaper editor's joke.)

A rope comes into a bar and the bar tender tells him he can't hang out here, so he goes into the men's room, tossles his hair and roughs himself up and comes out and the bartender asks, "Weren't you the rope I said I wouldn't serve?" and the rope says, "No, I'm a frayed knot."

So at ten to two AM, the final bell rings and the bartender asks Renee Descartes if he wants one for the road and Descartes replied, "I think not" and he disappeared.

[Chris Grieb]

The first post by Las Vegas has been around for years. I can remember it from the 60ths.

Michael; Your jokes were great.

[BaalChatzaf]

Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel "pick up your shovel, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the promised land."

Nearly 75 years ago, Roosevelt said, "Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a Camel, this is the promised land."

Now Obama has stolen your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the price of Camels, and mortgaged the promised land!

I heard this joke back in 1944 when I was about 9 years old, except it was FDR not Obama that was named. It as an Oldie but Goody.

Ba'al Chatzaf

[SamTHorn]

I've never heard this before and I love it! Thanks for the share.

~ Sam

Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel "pick up your shovel, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the promised land."

Nearly 75 years ago, Roosevelt said, "Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a Camel, this is the promised land."

Now Obama has stolen your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the price of Camels, and mortgaged the promised land!

Furthermore, I was so depressed last night thinking about health care plans, the economy, the wars, lost jobs, diminished savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called Lifeline, the suicide help line. Got a call center in Pakistan . I told them I was suicidal.

They all got excited and asked if I could drive a truck. . .