Trump humor


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2 hours ago, Michael Stuart Kelly said:

I think I know what's bothering me.

It's humor based on hatred. I don't get any fun out of that. My intention when I started this thread was to have fun, not mock targets from hatred. And it's OK to hate at times, I guess. I just don't find it funny.

My humor comes from poking a person in the ribs, not spitting in his face and laughing at his expression as he wipes the spittle off his cheek and a drop drips from his chin to his shirt.

It's the emotion of hatred itself that bums the shit out of me. I don't like being around it. 

Even when I lampoon Hillary Clinton, who I think it corrupt to the gills and then some, it's not from a wish to dehumanize her, to categorize her at a subhuman level where I'm the superior one. It's to poke her in the ribs, and by extension, her supporters, most of whom I believe are good people. Some of my lampooning can get biting because she does some really bad shit, but I never intend a "wipe her out of existence because she does not deserve to exist among us" level. If she died, I would not feel pleasure.

Hatred drags me down. All hatred, especially my own.

Interlude over.

I'll try to get back to the funny stuff...

Michael

I guess I'm outta business.

--Brant

nutz!

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Edited by william.scherk
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“So, what do you have to lose?”

A few days ago, NBC let Trump speak but then he was cut off before he said, “So, what do you have to lose?” and that effectively diminished his zinger and message.

Several stations, including Fox have allowed black spokespeople on to say Trump’s message disgusted minorities. I think, only Fox allowed one minority on to say Trump was right to say it, and it was true.

Peter

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11 minutes ago, Peter said:

Several stations, including Fox have allowed black spokespeople on to say Trump’s message disgusted minorities. I think, only Fox allowed one minority on to say Trump was right to say it, and it was true.

Peter,

Rush Limbaugh pointed out that if Trump's image of the black community was worse than it really is, that's only because black leaders have been hammering that image into the mainstream for decades. That's what all the recent race riots have been about.

His own words from yesterday: 

Dissecting Trump's African-American Outreach

The funny part is, before he said that, I did not think it. Yet it's duh level obvious. Goes to show you that propaganda works even on me, and I study this stuff.

:) 

(Man did I set myself up with that last line. :) )

Michael

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Michael wrote about minorities NOT being SO bad off: The funny part is, before he said that, I did not think it. Yet it's duh level obvious. Goes to show you that propaganda works even on me, and I study this stuff. end quote

I never bought into it. I drive through a middle class, black neighborhood frequently. I watch their kids get off the buses. The younger ones have fashionable lunch boxes. The teens are fashionably, but rebelliously dressed. Very normal.  Sometimes they walk in the road which is annoying, but they are still very courteous.  I see B or C grade houses, mostly old, that once belonged to white people. Now it is a mostly black area. I see American flags. I do business with black people with no problems and I mean I have NO problems.

But . . . inner cities are kegs of dynamite. I hear the Baltimore news about how many blacks were shot over the weekend. It is the same in all black, inner city neighborhoods, and in many Hispanic inner city neighborhoods.  And in those locations Trump’s message COULD OR WILL resonate . . .  with just one problem. They don’t vote OR they are twenty more years away, if ever, from voting for a candidate like Trump.

I just filled out a questionnaire from Eric Trump and got to the end, and submitted it successfully before I was asked to donate. They were fairly good questions designed to actually listen to what I am thinking.

My last beef on this Trump humor site is that I hope Trump will listen to legitimate pollsters and political managers, and not to the fools who tell you what you want to hear. And act accordingly. Swoop like a decent politician. Grab a handful of votes. Soar. Act like a pterodactyl. Is that image humorous?

Peter

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Michael asked, “What is a legitimate pollster?”

Yes. I agree, if we agree on what “is” is. When a pollster guesses right they grow thicker and stronger and taller. But some guesses are wrong and the pollster dies. Fresh saplings replace them. Polls need a lot of care and a lot of love. As long as the roots are not severed, all is well. And all will be well in the garden but Trump is polling badly. In the polling community, growth has it seasons. First comes spring and summer, but then we have fall and the 2016 election and a bitter winter with Crooked Hillary as President. And then we get spring and summer again, but Lady Macbeth is still in office, unless Congressman Trey Gowdy can get her indicted and impeached. Just like Bill.

Peter

From “Being There” (1979) starring Peter Sellers and the beautiful Shirley MacLaine.

Louise: It's for sure a white man's world in America. Look here: I raised that boy since he was the size of a piss-ant. And I'll say right now, he never learned to read and write. No, sir. Had no brains at all. Was stuffed with rice pudding between th' ears. Shortchanged by the Lord, and dumb as a jackass. Look at him now! Yes, sir, all you've gotta be is white in America, to get whatever you want. Gobbledy-gook! CHANCE the Gardner:        In a garden, things grow – but first some things must wither; some    trees lose their leaves before they grow new leaves...

INT. CIA ROOM – NIGHT A small, dark room. A videotape machine is running. Also, a machine is turning that records the harmonics of Chance's voice. TWO CIA MEN run the equipment, watch as a needle charts Chance's voice onto paper. CHANCE (over TV)   ...

Chance the Gardener: Then they grow thicker and stronger and taller. Some trees    die, but fresh saplings replace them. Gardens need a lot of care          and a lot of love.

President "Bobby": Mr. Gardner, do you agree with Ben, or do you think that we can stimulate growth through temporary incentives?

[Long pause]

Chance the Gardener: As long as the roots are not severed, all is well. And all will be well in the garden.

President "Bobby": In the garden.

Chance the Gardener: Yes. In the garden, growth has it seasons. First comes spring and summer, but then we have fall and winter. And then we get spring and summer again.

President "Bobby": Spring and summer.

Chance the Gardener: Yes.

President "Bobby": Then fall and winter.

Chance the Gardener: Yes.

Benjamin Rand: I think what our insightful young friend is saying is that we welcome the inevitable seasons of nature, but we're upset by the seasons of our economy.

Chance the Gardener: Yes! There will be growth in the spring!

Benjamin Rand: Hmm!

Chance the Gardener: Hmm!

President "Bobby": Hm. Well, Mr. Gardner, I must admit that is one of the most refreshing and optimistic statements I've heard in a very, very long time.

[Benjamin Rand applauds]

President "Bobby": I admire your good, solid sense. That's precisely what we lack on Capitol Hill. 

 

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gary_varvel_gary_varvel_for_aug_26_2016_

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  • 2 weeks later...

This is about Hillary, but considering the impact of her health on the election, I like it here in the Trump Humor thread:

From The Onion:

Pneumonia Virus Terrified After Remembering What Clintons Capable Of

Quote

WASHINGTON—Expressing regret over its reckless decision to infect the Democratic presidential nominee, the virus causing Hillary Clinton’s pneumonia was reportedly terrified Monday after remembering what the Clintons were capable of. “Oh shit, what the hell was I thinking—you don’t get on the wrong side of these people,” said the infectious agent, which became increasingly worried while recalling just how far the Clintons were willing to go to get what they wanted, as well as what often happened to those who dared to cross the powerful politicians. “Everybody knows you never mess with the Clintons. These people won’t hesitate to absolutely crush you, and they have the money and connections to do it. I knew I should’ve just stayed clear. I’m so fucked.” At press time, the horrified virus was reportedly planning to avoid the Clintons’ wrath by taking its own life.

:)

Michael

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Hello, this is Jimmy Fallon playing The Donald. Alas, poor Hillary. I hope Hillary is cured of her ailments. She thinks either I or Vlad Putin poisoned her, but I take no pleasure in the fact that she may need to drop out for health reasons. It will devastate her if she cannot be elected to the Presidency and have all that power over Americans, especially over those Americans who support me and are in her word, “deplorable.”  Don’t you know, folks, you need Hillary to direct your lives, and to spend your money, because she knows better than you. She is the voice of the people so you better shut up and let Old Hickory Clinton think for you.

But, what the hell is wrong with her? Fainting? Excessive blinking and tics? Falls? Blood clots? Constant coughing? Why wouldn’t she go to the local hospital emergency room after she recently collapsed fleeing from that 9/11 memorial service? Why is her daughter Chelsea’s apartment set up as an E.R.? And why is “the drive by media” helping her to hide her condition from the American people? Alas, poor, Crooked Hillary.

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On Rush today, he said there is no such thing as non contagious bacterial pneumonia, and he gets that info from an Obamacare site. I wonder if more of her staff or the reporters around her will get it?

From The Washington examiner. 18 things we learned from Colin Powell's leaked emails By Ashe Schow: 1. The Clintons still dislike President Barack Obama. 2. Clinton might have been prepared to drag Obama down with her. 3. Even Democrats questioned Clinton's health. 4. Powell didn't want to be Clinton's email scapegoat.

"Dumb. She should have done a 'Full Monty' at the beginning. She was using email when she took over," Powell wrote on Aug. 23, 2016. "They put the personal system in the basement a few months later… She didn't need any advice or ok from me; she was already doing it. I gave her written guidance on why and how I had been doing it." He added: "I warned her staff three times over the past two years not to try to connect it to me. I am not sure HRC even knew or understood what was going on in the basement."

5. Powell was really upset about being tied to Clinton's email scandal. "They are going to dick up the legitimate and necessary use of emails with friggin record rules. I saw email more like a telephone than a cable machine," Powell wrote to Leeds on Aug. 18, 2015. "As long as the stuff is unclassified. I had a secure State.gov machine."

6. Seriously, he was angry about the whole thing. When Democratic commentator James Carville wrote a column comparing Powell's emails to Clinton's, the former secretary of state under George W. Bush shot him an angry email.

"Dear James, you are the latest HRC acolyte trying to use me to cover her on the email caper. All these attempts and her dissembling has just made it Worse [sic]." Powell wrote. He added: "She now is apologizing," before writing that "suddenly you surface to throw another log on the fire."

7. Powell is a quote machine. This one has staying power: "Everything [Hillary Rodham Clinton] touches she kind of screws up with hubris," Powell wrote.

8. Leeds and Powell had concerns about Clinton's campaign last summer. "HRC may be in serious trouble," Leeds wrote to Powell on Aug. 18, 2015. "And she sounds terrible thing [sic] to spin. Worse every day."

9. Powell blamed Ambassador Christopher Stevens for the Benghazi attack. This one's pretty sick. Powell said the Benghazi investigation against Clinton was "a stupid witch hunt" and that the "basic fault" for the attack "falls on a courageous ambassador who thought Libyans now love me and I am ok in this very vulnerable place." Powell also blamed Clinton and Stevens' "leaders and supporters" in Washington, DC. "But blame also rests on his leaders and supports back here. Pat Kennedy, Intel community, [State Department] and yes HRC," Powell wrote.

10. Clinton cost Powell a university speaking gig. "I told you about the gig I lost at a University because [Clinton] so overcharged them they came under heat and couldn't any [sic] fees for awhile," Powell wrote. "I should send her a bill."

11. Powell believe Bill Clinton is still cheating and doesn't want to vote for Hillary. “I would rather not have to vote for her, although she is a friend I respect," Powell wrote to Leeds on July 26, 2014. "A 70-year person with a long track record, unbridled ambition, greedy, not transformational, with a husband still dicking bimbos at home (according to the NYP)."

12. Powell didn't like Gen. Michael Flynn.

13. Powell thinks the FBI 'loved' him. In one email exchange, Powell said "several folks" had come up to him the night before to tell him Clinton "threw you under the bus." Powell replied: "Don't be silly, she is under bus," and claimed "The FBI guys loved me and so did the [Inspector General] types."

14. Powell doesn't like Clinton, but he doesn't like Donald Trump either. Powell really disliked Trump's quest to uncover President Obama's birth certificate. "Yup, the whole birther movement was racist," Mr. Powell wrote in one email. "That's what the 99% believe. When Trump couldn't keep that up he said he also wanted to see if the certificate noted that he was a Muslim. As I have said before, 'What if he was?' Muslims are born as Americans everyday." Powell also called Trump a "national disgrace" and an "international pariah."

15. Powell also didn't like the Cheneys. "They are idiots and spent force peddling a book that ain't going nowhere," Powell wrote in an email about former Vice President (whom Powell served alongside) Dick Cheney.

16. And he didn't much care for Donald Rumsfeld. "One day when we both have had too many drinks we can discuss why [President George W. Bush] tolerated him and why Dick [Cheney], a successful SecDef, was so committed to Don," Powell wrote in yet another email. "I must say I gagged as [President George H.W. Bush] praised him as the 'best' at the statuary hall unveiling."

17. Actually, Powell pretty much despises everyone. 18. He likes to use the word 'dick' See points 5 and 11. Update: An earlier version left out part of an email in which Powell also blamed Clinton and others in Washington for Benghazi. He put the blame on Stevens first, but he did add that others were at fault. Ashe Schow is a commentary writer for the Washington Examiner.

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41 minutes ago, KorbenDallas said:

Trump sniffed a lot during the debate...

Korben,

The oddest thing is I've noticed this since the beginning. (I used to play trombone professionally, so I've got a radar for this that normal people don't have.)

Go to any Trump speech or press conference and you get a bunch of these nose breaths going through the mic. Not so much in interviews or telephone calls. But when he's speaking to a large audience in a formal speech (or presser) setting, it seems like he takes in more air to speak, probably to speak louder.

:)

Today, Trump seems to be perplexed about why people are saying he sniffled, etc. The fact is, he's done nothing different than he has for over a year in this campaign.

I'm surprised that it has taken so long for anyone in the press to notice. And it seems suspect that everyone in the press is noticing at the same time. :) 

Seriously, if you feel nosey (groan...), go to any video of a former Trump speech and listen. It's all there...

Michael

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44 minutes ago, Michael Stuart Kelly said:

Korben,

The oddest thing is I've noticed this since the beginning. (I used to play trombone professionally, so I've got a radar for this that normal people don't have.)

Go to any Trump speech or press conference and you get a bunch of these nose breaths going through the mic. Not so much in interviews or telephone calls. But when he's speaking to a large audience in a formal speech (or presser) setting, it seems like he takes in more air to speak, probably to speak louder.

:)

Today, Trump seems to be perplexed about why people are saying he sniffled, etc. The fact is, he's done nothing different than he has for over a year in this campaign.

I'm surprised that it has taken so long for anyone in the press to notice. And it seems suspect that everyone in the press is noticing at the same time. :) 

Seriously, if you feel nosey (groan...), go to any video of a former Trump speech and listen. It's all there...

Michael

Yea, I play an instrument and tend to notice things, too.  I first noticed Trump sniffing on Hannity in an onstage interview in front of a boisterous crowd.  So I saw the sniffing skepticism and laughed, "he does this all the time!"

Some websites are saying it's cocaine or amphetamine related tho...

:lol:

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It's not just the sniffs. Listen to everything that Trump's mic is picking up. The sound crew has it set up to enhance the higher frequencies. Were they aware of this tendency/trait of his to sniff, and decided to crank it up and make it into more than it is? I wouldn't doubt it. There was even one point where Hillary was talking, and it seemed to me that the sound crew was pushing Trump's mic just short of the point of feedback squeal to try to pick up his breathing or normal swallowing or lip sounds.

J

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She is in front of the whole viewing nation debating Donald Trump. She glances at her pads to find out what to say. Over and over again she utilizes the brains of the others to give her the words to respond. It works. We are fooled. She wins the debate. Hillary is braindead but her brain is still inhabited.

I would like to see a count of how many times she glances at her computerized pads, not just the times Trump's has the sniffles. I think she is like a cheater on Jeopardy.

Peter

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia: BrainDead is an American political satire science fiction comedy-drama television series created by Robert and Michelle King. BrainDead stars Mary Elizabeth Winstead as Laurel Healy, a documentary film-maker who takes a job working for her brother Luke (Danny Pino), a U.S. Senator, when the funding for her latest film falls through. Assigned as his new constituency caseworker, she discovers that Washington, D.C. has been invaded by extraterrestrial insects which are eating the brains and taking control of people, including members of Congress and their staffers. Much of the internal comedy of the series, was that in the altered reality of Washington DC politics, only a few people noticed.

CBS announced a 13-episode straight-to-series order on July 22, 2015. The show premiered on June 13, 2016. After four episodes, the show moved from its Monday timeslot to Sundays to make room for the network's coverage of the Republican and Democratic National Conventions.

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1 hour ago, Peter said:

She is in front of the whole viewing nation debating Donald Trump. She glances at her pads to find out what to say. Over and over again she utilizes the brains of the others to give her the words to respond. It works. We are fooled. She wins the debate. Hillary is braindead but her brain is still inhabited.

I would like to see a count of how many times she glances at her computerized pads, not just the times Trump's has the sniffles. I think she is like a cheater on Jeopardy.

Peter

Or, putting it another way --- she was prepared. 

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3 hours ago, Jonathan said:

It's not just the sniffs. Listen to everything that Trump's mic is picking up. The sound crew has it set up to enhance the higher frequencies. Were they aware of this tendency/trait of his to sniff, and decided to crank it up and make it into more than it is? I wouldn't doubt it. There was even one point where Hillary was talking, and it seemed to me that the sound crew was pushing Trump's mic just short of the point of feedback squeal to try to pick up his breathing or normal swallowing or lip sounds.

J

Jonathan,

I'm inclined to agree with you on this one.

I've produced enough shows where the sound man wanted to screw the singer. That's exactly the kind of crap they used to pull.

I did a show once with a singer named JJ Jackson in São Paulo. The microphone squeal from the feedback was obviously sabotage. JJ turned around and made the sound engineer turn the power off. He said real loud, "I don't need you!" He turned back around, started clapping and stomping his right foot in a strong rhythm. This got people to clapping along with him. He made the band leave the stage because their sound had been cut.

Then he started going through his set, making it all call and response with the public. Just him and them.

All the while he playfully messed with individual people in the audience, sometimes dancing with one, sometimes letting a person sing in an imaginary mic, sometimes going into the audience and sometimes bringing someone on stage, etc., always laughing and exuding the joy of the moment. And the public went wild.

That was a crazy night. :) 

We obviously got rid of the sound man...

I remember I got royally drunk after...

:) 

Michael

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