A simple, simple philosophy of Love and Appreciation.


Victor Pross

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Wow, so much to write about. I agree with Rich and the honeymoon period. The more I look at my own relationship it's quite interesting to look at the areas that are going strong and there is no work at it even after 13 years. These are the areas where there is a shared value and these are areas that are thriving and the honeymoon period is still present. But the areas where there is a conflict in values there's much deterioration and much work to keep it going. I've never been in a relationship with another O'ist so it is difficult for me to draw any conclusions in that regard. I can only project what it may be like based on how I am. Knowing how I am and what I value and what the relationship is like for John, it would be so refreshing if those same values, same virtues were a 2 way street. Oh, my god, I would absolutely love it. I would be extremely happy if it was.

The first 3 years of my relationship were just absolutely amazing. Everything about it was absolutely ideal for me. Even 3 years into it, it was still as if we had just met and there was no work at it. The "honeymoon period" was still going strong. But when we got married, things drastically changed. I really don't want to go into the details of my marriage out in public. I don't mind talking about some aspects of it but certain areas are very private. But after we got married, his actions heavily contradicted the first 3 years of who he seemed to be. This is when problems started. When I met him, our values were aligned. But after literally being married, it changed. It flew in the face of the first 3 years. This is when things started to deteriorate and the relationship had to be worked on to keep it going. But the person I was the first three years did not change. My actions and values stayed the same. I didn't mind doing stuff for him. I took great pleasure in it. I very much enjoyed it. It was something I was doing for him, even if it was something as small as taking his shoes off and pulling his socks away from his feet after getting home from work. But he did the same, trades, the first 3 years and the relationship was wonderful, both were very happy. We both very much were like kids together.

But I also cannot deny that the "newness" "honeymoon" period does wear off but it shouldn't become a "chore" and that you have to work on it. The evidence that's been presented before me tells me otherwise. I've had the opportunity to look at a relationship where part of it is an O'ist relationship and the other part is not. It's been quite revealing, oh, so very revealing. It speaks volumes on values and how important it is that each person shares those values that are based on life and survival. I would love to write more but I don't want to go much into my relationship out on a public forum. I don't mind writing tidbits here and there, just nothing major and in detail. So I am hesitant on writing certain aspects of it which I'm sure everyone here will understand.

Question:

What do you enjoy and appreciate the most about your parnter or that your partner does?

What do you not enjoy and not appreciate the most about your partner or that your partner does?

You know, what are your pet peeves and what do you cherish the most. I'm very curious to know what everyone will say.

Angie

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I think you gotta slap dames around a little, myself...

:)

Michael

(ducking...)

Yeah, you better duck. Cast iron skillet will be flyin' through your screen when you least expect it. LOL So shame on you, Mike. ;)

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Question:

What do you enjoy and appreciate the most about your parnter or that your partner does?

What do you not enjoy and not appreciate the most about your partner or that your partner does?

You know, what are your pet peeves and what do you cherish the most. I'm very curious to know what everyone will say.

Angie

Oh thank you so much, Firecracker for asking a 'partner' guestion!

I just turned to my to look at my partner and ............................oh wait! That's right, I forgot!

I don't have one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :blink:

Thank you so much for rubbing my nose in that fact on a public forum!!!!!

And you call me evil.

Actually, what do I cherish? 1. Speaks their mind. 2. Can laugh. 3. Will try anything. Willing to experiment.

Pet peeve? 1. Well, it usually starts with them saying, "I'VE decided that WE are going to..........." 2. Doesn't care to know anything. Lacks curiosity. 3. Any Parasitic behavior.

Now if you will excuse me, I have an evening planned with Lauren Bacall. I need to be practicing my whistle! :)

gw

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There's so many things that I cherish but to name a few...

Cherish: Honesty, Self-Esteem, Independent Thinkers, Sense of Humor, not afraid to discover new things; ie, experimenting, Perseverence, Independence.

Pet peeves: Control freaks, button pushers, low self esteem, manipulators, looters and parasites. Men that leave the seat up and my ass falls in the damn toilet every time. Nothing like freezing cold water to hit your butt cheeks to really wake you up for a few hours. Grumpy, Grumpy :angry::angry: I guess that one pretty much covers all men out there. LOL And also naggers

Mike, that was classic and laughing. I really enjoyed that one. hehehehehe !!! You know what your damn problem is blah, blah, blah.... By this time, men's eyes have glazed over and have stopped listening a long time ago. Nothing like a yackety, yackety, yack in your ear. Oh, the nagging of it all. I despise naggers. I guess I need to go up and put that in my pet peeve

Angie

Edited by CNA
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Whew! So far so good!

None of the women have listed as a pet peeve - "Pees on toilet seat when it's down!"

I may be in the clear!

There's so many things that I cherish but to name a few...

Cherish: Honesty, Self-Esteem, Independent Thinkers, Sense of Humor, not afraid to discover new things; ie, experimenting, Perseverence, Independence.

Pet peeves: Control freaks, button pushers, low self esteem, manipulators, looters and parasites. Men that leave the seat up and my ass falls in the damn toilet every time. Nothing like freezing cold water to hit your butt cheeks to really wake you up for a few hours. Grumpy, Grumpy :angry::angry: I guess that one pretty much covers all men out there. LOL And also naggers

Mike, that was classic and laughing. I really enjoyed that one. hehehehehe !!! You know what your damn problem is blah, blah, blah.... By this time, men's eyes have glazed over and have stopped listening a long time ago. Nothing like a yackety, yackety, yack in your ear. Oh, the nagging of it all. I despise naggers. I guess I need to go up and put that in my pet peeve

Angie

I agree Firecracker.

There are so many things to list. I think my list could go on and on and on...ad nauseum!

I think sooner or latter I might even add 'has big feet' to it! ;)

Pet peeves are the same. I think I really need to add - "Has an Adams Apple" to my list.

I have not had very good luck with 'partners' sporting those.

Oh well.

gw

Edited by gary williams
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Major Pet Peeve: Procrastinators

Oh, so don't get me started on this one. Don't wait to the last minute and keep putting whatever off. It will usually come up and bite you in the ass if you wait too damn long. My philosophy, get it done as soon as possible and/or as soon as time permits. One less thing you have to worry about. If you have too many things to do, make a list, prioritize to what should be done first and start checking them off as you go. Before you know it, that list will be tiny and no pressure to hurry up and get it done.

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Some of the traits I find myself valuing in people in general:

Kindness, honesty, earnestness, dignity, patience. They may sound simple, but in fact they reflect a level of personal development that is increasingly rare. When I was in my early twenties I thought that intelligence was everything. Now, after having spent the last twenty years working pretty much exclusively with highly intelligent people, I've come to value these traits above intelligence. I have to say that I don't know a single person today who exhibits them consistently. I may know two or three people who almost meet the description. Earnestness in particular is quite rare these days; cynicism is in, and it takes rare courage to be earnest in today's culture.

Assertiveness is another valuable character trait. Unassertive people drive me crazy!

Moral courage. It seems like a simple thing to say what one thinks and feels and wants and believes, but I encounter people all the time who can't do something this simple. I like having company when I call things by their right names and say that the emperor is naked. It gets wearisome when I get quiet little private e-mails from people who say, "For what it's worth, I agree with you." I think to myself, "Why didn't you speak up in public, when it counted?"

Judith

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During the past two years I've been having all kinds of mid-life adventures. One of them centers around the realization that it really is important to have these kinds of people around me, and making it a high priority to find such people and nurture relationships with them when I do find them. Perfection isn't necessary -- "almost" is good enough!

Judith

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I have come to the conclusion that I knew virtually nothing about how to be with a woman until this year. That is quite a statement, considering that I was married twice, once for nearly twenty years and the second for 9. There were moments, lots of them, really. Little glimpses and flashes. But there were so many mistakes, by all parties. No one really, in the end, knew what they were doing. Not enough so to be sufficiently tender.

Often, I think it was a matter of close but no cigar. The match. Now, who I am with... at first there were little pieces of me that thought something was wrong because it was so right- it couldn't possibly be so! I was conditioned to accepting the false premise that there would always be significant, built-in problems.

That's the biggest fallacy I ever bought into in my life. It is not a mandatory prerequisite. Life, for me, is too precious and short to take something that important (maybe the most important) in your life and assume it is going to be some kind of dismal work project. Quite frankly, fuck that.

Clearly, my perspective is entirely different now, as far as this goes. I have never savored every single moment as I do now, when I'm with her. The "value" just shines right out. Not value, really, it's real romantic love.

r

Hmmm...I gotta make Ciro's mussels recipe for our romantic dinner for two tonite!

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