The Zen Love Nest 12/09/06


Rich Engle

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(Deep in the arctic chill that now is Cleveland, OH USA)

People go into various hibernation-type modes when things get butt cold. The body is taxed. We scamper from one warm place to another, and if another is home, we dig in and stay. We watch television over reading, and gravitate to comfort foods (and drink, on occasion). Everything dries up, and, unless you are wealthy and maybe even then, you claw for survival.

Normally, if you have a love relationship, this is also the time that you can bask in the warmth that only skin-to-skin brings; you go from on top of the covers to beneath them; flannel, suddenly, becomes sexy.

But, as in many things in my life, a monkey wrench got inserted. My love-of-my-life went down to Florida for two weeks, she needed to visit her children.

So of course, one is presented with various challenges under these conditions. We are both very greedy of one another, but decided to "try" and keep the glass half-full. Focus on the goodness, the potential.

Right. That lasted about two days for me, then the voices started, if you know what I mean.

She, on the other hand, was even more miserable, starting with catching a nasty cold. And she was very stretched thin in her matronly duties.

I think that "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" is a b.s. phrase that miserable people use. No it doesn't, not FONDER. Not if you're that fond in the first place. What does it do to the heart? It makes it hurt, long, pine.

We've been together about ten months. Early on, she went away for two weeks, deep into the woods to the point of no-contacto. Occasionally she could drive 35 miles into a town and catch a wi-fi connection.

This time is better in that we speak several times a day, and email. I'm not sure if that is making it better, or worse. Adequate? Barely if at all.

We actually resorted to having phone sex two days ago. Never did that before. Bottom line: interesting enough to recommend. Assuming you have enough creativity. I remember at one point I got over-creative and forgot what position I had left her in and picked up somewhere else. She called me on it, I moved on quickly and explained how artistic license and improvisation work... inexact science and all.

I, for one, carry on certain rituals that are normally associated with being with my woman. So there I am, pathetic, lighting candles on the Buddha and running my little Zen fountain. It's a way of honoring.

But the problem with that is you can wake up at 3pm and the candle is still burning, the fountain is still trickling, but there's no woman next to you. Eff.

And then I go through more self-denegration, because I think about how petty my little separation actually is. I mean, think about spouses that go to war for years. Who am I to whine like a little bitch? We discussed that reality and, while it gave some temporary solace, it too dissolved.

I ended up hanging around pool halls. My 8 ball game is pretty bitching right now. Then I gave up on the night life completely, and went back to hunkering down in the bunker.

I played a gig last week, which I didn't want to do at all, I was so flat; it didn't seem to make any difference to me, which is unusual. I think she talked me off the fence--right before, I told her I didn't care and she told me to go out there and play my heart out, as if she were sitting there in front of me, as she usually does. So I did that and it was a flawless show. But of course I remained untouched, unimpressed other than having a little comfort from a job well done. Whoopie.

So now it is Saturday, and I guess the self-therapy includes writing this. She returns on Tuesday, and we will have all day Wednesday together, since I told the boss he wouldn't be seeing me that day, and why.

It morphed into a kind of detached, displaced state. I do believe that my passion speaks for itself, but that I also dishonored her by all this feeling sorry for myself stuff. Hardly what Roark would do, right?

Is she doing better than I? Hard to say, but she sure puts up a good front. Meaning, she is better/more responsible to me than I to her, I think.

And of course it now boils down to tunnel vision: Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday.

I sit, I watch, and above all I wait.

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Normally, if you have a love relationship, this is also the time that you can bask in the warmth that only skin-to-skin brings; you go from on top of the covers to beneath them; flannel, suddenly, becomes sexy.

Oh thanks, Rich. Rub it in! Soon, but right now I'm going :frantics:

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Richard, you are wimpier than I thought! :baby:

I know being away from your love is very difficult, but you can handle it. She will be back before you know it. Then you should celebrate.

My relationship is a bit unusual because it started long-distance, but since MSK and I have been together only once have we lost contact. That was for a couple of days during a hurricane. It drove me nuts. We talk on the phone every day. We also communicate over the computer with email, skype, messenger, etc. Unfortunately, we don't have the luxury of constant physical contact that normal couples do but we are committed to the relationship and will do what it takes to make it work for the long-term. We have both been in situations that has made it very difficult for either one of us to move, but the wait is nearly over and I'm very excited. It has taken a very long time (nearly two years) and I certainly wouldn't wait this long for any other man. I love my Michael. purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Kat

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Richard, you are wimpier than I thought! :baby:

I know being away from your love is very difficult, but you can handle it. She will be back before you know it. Then you should celebrate.

My relationship is a bit unusual because it started long-distance, but since MSK and I have been together only once have we lost contact. That was for a couple of days during a hurricane. It drove me nuts. We talk on the phone every day. We also communicate over the computer with email, skype, messenger, etc. Unfortunately, we don't have the luxury of constant physical contact that normal couples do but we are committed to the relationship and will do what it takes to make it work for the long-term. We have both been in situations that has made it very difficult for either one of us to move, but the wait is nearly over and I'm very excited. It has taken a very long time (nearly two years) and I certainly wouldn't wait this long for any other man. I love my Michael. purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Kat

Kat

Kat, it would seem as if my relationship with Angie is almost paralleling yours and MSK's in many ways. Aside from the fact that Angie and I met on an Objectivist site, there is also the fact that circumstances are such that prevents Angie or me from simply pulling up tent pegs—either one of us—to be together. It can be difficult, but we are doing it. Like you and MSK, Angie and I are in contact every day-- from greeting 'good morning' to saying goodnight, and we have spoken on the phone a few times—although not everyday. Hey, we even had our first spats, so that counts for something. :cool:

But there is something else that is strangely similar, and this is the kicker: Like you and MSK, Angie and I are absolutely devoted to each other—something you don’t see often these days--and are fighting and preparing to overcome every obstacle placed in our path so that we can be together. I hope it won't be two years, but Angie is worth everything it takes. The love of a life time--and the promise of forty years of intense happiness--can inspire that. Angie is my princess and I’ll slay the dragon to get to her. :heart:

Rich, old man, you can handle it. :super: Buck up, bro! :turned:

Victor

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Victor wants to know exactly how low I go:

Hey Rich, feeling that blue?

Yes!

Two more days.

blackhorse says "Hmmmm.." and I say, huh?

rde

There's All Different Kinds of Distance Available.

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Try dating a girl when neither person can drive, you live forty minutes away so that there's always that possibility dangling in front of you, and being too busy or having parents that won't drive you anywhere. That really sucks. I saw my x-girlfriend once a week at most, once every month and a half at least.

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I think if things work out between me and the person I'm interested in, we can meet each other 2-3 times a year until I get my Master's (up to 2 years). Then, whether it works out or not, I'm moving to Europe... preferably Italy. There's a school in Trieste that I'm interested in. Conveniently, Trieste is right smack next to Austria... but I'm also thinking, if things don't work out between us, I'm in ITALY for crying out loud...

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