The Cause of Lifelong Failure:

[mweiss]

There are people in the world that just know how to succeed—and then do it. Then there are people in the world who fail repeatedly, until their time runs out.

The first type of person just seems to naturally know what needs to be done. That person goes to school, focuses hard, is goal-oriented and embraces change. Such a person moves out after college, finds a mate, finds an apartment and continues to work as a team toward common goals that are well-defined. For them, the future is clear and they seem to have no trouble working toward their goals. They develop good careers, make a lot of money, buy their dream home, raise good kids and life is pretty good. These are the “winners.”

The second type of person seems to be a dreamer. They dabble in a lot of different things but cannot seem to focus on any one area of interest. They are marginal performers both in school and later in career. They often hold meaningless, dead-end jobs with subsistence wages. The work not because they want to but because society demands it of them. Often, their romantic life involves prostitutes, or solitude, depending on how wreckless they chose to be. They often live with their parents right up to middle age. I had known one overweight gentleman who was fifty and died shortly beyond that age—living with his parents. (The diner by the railroad tracks is a great attractor of people of this second category.) They seldom ever marry, as they seldom ever date, and all of those may have been arranged by a third party. They reach middle age and are still struggling at minimum wage jobs, or dare to “wrest heaven by force” by quitting and starting their own business without any education or knowledge of how to run a business. They fail again and again and seem to learn nothing from each failure, repeating the same mistakes over and over again. They often die far sooner than their years suggest, but look far older than their age. These are the “losers.”

My background in Objectivism suggests that the difference between these two types of people is based in philosophical premises. But peeling away the layers of thinking, from the everyday noise of daily matters, to the early childhood core premises that determine our course in life is a task that, although not impossible, is next to impossible to accomplish without a brilliant technician, called a biocentric psychologist, to put a persons mind into ‘diagnostic mode’ and properly analyze the data coming out of that analytical process.

For the lifelong failure, it seems not to matter how many self-help books one reads. Each book provides a brief ‘feel good’ period, but the deep-rooted cause of failure is not exposed and certainly not invalidated, and the person soon reverts to his failing behavior when he finds that the motions of “positive” behavior he attempted to emulate as described in the books did not work for him. With each disappointment, this individual lapses into a profoundly deeper depression, reinforcing his belief that happiness is unattainable, that “some people have the luck” and that he is a victim of his circumstances.

As Objectivists can understand, persons with serious emotional problems, who amount to nothing throughout their entire lives, have core premises that are wrong. They may have many ‘mixed premises’ and are suffering on a subconscious level because they maintain so many contradictions that it fatigues the subconscious mind tremendously.

For the person who lacks the skills to analyze and expose these mysterious core premises, there is no brighter future. Every action taken, in a blind and random search for truth and in the hope of making a change for the better, is met with the same dismal failure, and the person sinks further into hopelessness. This is a vicious cycle, because depression leads to undesireable changes in body chemistry, leading to health problems, and it also reinforces negative behavior. A person might consume alcohol to act as a “band aid” for the problem, to gain some relief from the conscious pain of existence in the midst of the results of a lifelong contradiction, but this person can never escape the core problem, as nothing has been done to excavate the premise, analyze it and invalidate it.

For such people, it can almost be said that they possess a devil within their soul: the devil being a series of bad premises, probably formed when they were 3, 4 or 5 years old, which are so deeply repressed that they cannot consciously recall exactly how they came to be the way they are. All they know is that they hurt. They suffer daily. They were miserable in school, and they continue to be miserable at their jobs. Often you can recognize their faces: the faces of the “desparately unhappy”—faces that have that look of a person who’s been beaten into submission a long time ago, the eyes downward-cast, the flesh sagging, the corners of the mouth turned down, the deadpan look in their eyes, the eyes like that of a corpse that doesn’t realize that he is a corpse. Some of them go to psychologists. Some see psychiatrists and end up as junkies. Some turn to illicit narcotics for relief. Whatever the action, it is usually a method of evading the core problem, seeking some form of temporary relief. In the most severe cases, some turn to the ultimate relief: suicide.

The goal of this writing is to discover how to regressively analyze the human mind, to get through all the layers of irrational behavior, the bad experiences that were not taken well, the daily matters that take the majority of one’s conscious energy, and to get to the primary core premises—many of which had to have been formed at a very early age—to identify these core premises, analyze them, discover why they are invalid, and to logically destroy them so completely that the person will have an epiphany that will change his life from that day forward.

Barbara Branden described this sort of incident on a narrow spectrum, on her website, with regard to smoking. She talked about how a single book she’d read had so completely changed her thinking, that her desire to smoke turned to sickening repulsion at the very thought of taking another puff. That is the kind of epiphany that needs to happen on a wider, life-changing scale, for the person who suffers chronic failure in every avenue of life, from social interaction with other children, through school, and through the career years.

While one can read many books, the books must be compatible with one’s beliefs, else the reader’s mind will effectively filter out, or outright reject, the ideas that the reader is seeking. Sometimes the meaning of words is lost on the reader, which is why the guidance of a skilled psychotherapist are so essential in salvaging these “basket cases” where the mind is so lacking in efficacy that it doesn’t trust its own ability to interpret words on a page.

Sometimes just talking with people who have had their “epiphany” can provide a sliver of insight into the problem. But I suspect that solving such a deep-rooted problem is best approached in an interactive session, in which the psychotherapist can immediately “read” the patient’s moods in response to individual questions and adjust his troubleshooting strategy accordingly.

For those of us who cannot afford a leading biocentriic psychotherapist, we are left with making this discovery on our own, or not, in which case, the failure to discover the cause of their failure, leads to ultimate failure.

Therefore, it is the goal of this writing, to accumulate the knowledge from those who have learned this special skill for themselves and to digest it in such a manner that it will be useful to those who share the daily and growing “sense of impending doom.” I would greatly appreciate it if those with knowledge on how to unravel the mysteries of the unconscious mind will contribute to this thread.

Thank you.

[Rich Engle]

A big topic.

First thing: The Sense of Impending Doom<tm>

That's the first thing that has to go. Easy to fall into. Strong, high-achieving people don't like to talk about it, even. But it is there.

Each day, we have the simple choice: glass mostly full, or mostly empty? Either way, you're going into the jungle to address said situation.

There is always goodness to see, that is what I look for the second my eyes open. Based on that simple decision, I am going to spend my day, my acts, one way, or that other one. Either way, it's going to go down.

If you are talking about the benchmarks of high achievers, they are there. There are principles.

One of them is not running around feeling sorry for one's self, as simple as that may sound. It requires strength. It requires finding the strength.

Generally, evolved, cultured people have a tendency to neglect what they are really capable of.

In the end, it requires work. I hate work sometimes.

[mweiss]

I have a hunch that "laziness" plays a role in this, but I think that laziness may have two possible causes:

Bad premises

Underlying health problem--lack of energy.

I have noticed that high achievers are people who seem to have limitless energy. For instance, the RVP of our Primerica base shop--he's practically bouncing off the ceiling every Saturday morning with enthusiasm and excitement, so much so that one would feel tempted to put some chains on his angles to keep him from flying through the ceiling. Well I suppose if I were earning $68,000/month in personal income the way he does, maybe I would be that ebuliant too.

But what about people who sleep 16 hours a day and have no desire to get up in the morning, and for those that have to, who find that one act of getting up to be the most painful experience of the day?

My relative in Florida, now a successful real estate tycoon, used to work in a mental hospital some 30 years ago. He once told me that mental patients sleep a lot and you have to get them out of bed. That always stuck with me. If one is sleeping more than ____ hours a day, is he/she mentally ill?

Sense of impending doom comes when one recognizes that the path one is on will lead to great harm to their physical being, either by homelessness or a clash with law enforcement over some tax issue. Usually folks who don't live in the moment, but are constantly worrying about the future seem to be aware of the sense of doom, because intellectually they know they are on the wrong path, but emotionally they cannot be convinced to do anything about it.

One of the problems with making steps toward getting above that doom scenario is one of lack of faith, or the belief, with courage, to act on that belief to effect a change in their life. They don't see the connection between certain concrete steps on the ladder to success and success, maybe because the lowest steps are so far removed from their perceived goal that they don't believe that taking that step will make any difference.

But I think there is only so much you can do with positive self-talk--the real change has to come from core premises. If those are missing or incorrect, one will always have a contradiction, and having a contradiction is like having two motors--both working against eachother--so it's almost impossible for any useful accomplishment to take place.

This is a deep issue. Gawd I wish Dr. Allan Blumenthal were on the forum!

[Rich Engle]

Laziness, yes sure.

Laziness is just laziness. You don't want to do it. And it only gets worse after that...entropy takes over, diminishing returns.

Laziness has always been scorned, because it is the opposite of action. It has gotten turned into an immoral quality, even.

I think that a better way might be to just accept that it exists, to one degree or another, in most people. The worst part, for me, is getting things started. For instance, if I have been in the jungle going at the bloodsports all day, when I get home, it is only just before 7pm, and there are always things that need done. I can either a: risk a decompression period, knowing that I might fully decompress and do nothing b: hit right into something while I'm still standing, or c: none of the above (preferred by most of us). What do I do? All the above. I take inventory and decide what truly needs done, which may include me collapsing.

And yes, health/diet/energy levels are of course key. To thyself be most excellent. Sometimes it's hard to slow down and focus on the little but important self-care rituals.

As far as your guy at Primerica...well, he's a type. My boss is like that to an extent. I guess some people live to work, others work to live. I'm in the latter category, at least for sure when I work for someone else.

People that go hard like that at the workplace, you have to wonder about the gameface. The masque. The personnae. You think about what would happen to them if they didn't have that. I've seen people retire and drop dead from not having that. I consider it to be an integration problem.

But to the main problem you seem to be getting at-- it's not a deep problem. It's a get off it and do at least one thing NOW problem. Entropy is dangerous shit-- next thing you know you're parked in front of the TV, suddenly realizing how metaphysically elegant "That 70's Show" or whatever is.

It's Nike, really: Just Do It.

Fuck the analysis.

[Mikee]

Mark,

I believe the secret to "success" is the same as any problem solving exercise. Identify what it is that you want to solve, list all of your resources, list the steps you have to take to get to your goal, break these steps into smaller steps and then just get started. Small achievements every day lead to continuous increases in your self confidence, self satisfaction, energy and ultimate achievement of your goal. When you reach your goal you may find that you set your goals too low and it's time to raise the bar. It's not easy to make this a habit. In fact, it's pretty darned hard. Just keep telling yourself that you deserve to be happy.

While you're listing your resources be sure to list that you are a very good storyteller and a likeable guy. Don't neglect your health. I'm rooting for you. By the way, it's not laziness or bad premises, just the difficulty of forming habits that you haven't learned at a very young age.

Best Regards,

Mike Erickson

[Ciro]

I just cannot understand why people complain all the time.

Nature gave us a brain, and in addition to that, it gave us a body that thinks faster than our brain

what else do we want?

Ciro

[Kat]

Mark, I am getting a "life's not fair" message from your post. Yes, there are "winners" and there are "losers" but the majority of people are somewhere in between and tend move both directions along the spectrum at various times in their lives. Nobody has to accept being a loser as their lot in life. Success is not always about luck or even having good or bad premises.

I also get a sense from some of your posts that you are experiencing a tremendous amount of discouragement and feelings of hopelessness. These are signs of major depression. I think you realize that something is wrong because you mentioned that you would like to see a biocentric psychologist. I could be wrong, but I think NB is the only one who calls himself that. He is still practicing and he also does life coaching, but I imagine that may be a rather costly option. If you don't have insurance, check into community resources and spend ten bucks and get some St. John's Wort if it is mild depression. If you are having suicidal thoughts, go to the hospital immediately.

Don't expect anyone, even a professional therapist, to fix your problems for you. You have to pull yourself out of this and replace a losing attitude with a winning one. Lose the stinking thinking. Attitude does make a difference. Others can only give you guidance and you take it from there. Don't get stuck in analysis paralysis. Sometimes even something like perfectionism holds us back. If you want happiness and success, go get it. Even if you don't become rich, you can make your life better. You have a wife and a little girl who love you. You can be happy. Live consciously and work on yourself. I recommend that you read Nathaniel Branden's book, Taking Responsibility.

Mike E's advice about problem solving and setting goals was very good. Make happiness and success part of your goals. Set some SMART goals for yourself (specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-related).

An important goal can be to take care of your back taxes ASAP. You have to pay it or lose your home. You probably realize that you might even have to sell your house to pay the taxes. I think that is weighing heavily on you. Here is some unsolicited advice. Two words: Make money. Disentangle yourself from Primerica and do not become involved in any multilevel marketing schemes. Do not put yourself in a position where you are likely to fail. If you are an introvert, which I sense you are, sales and recruiting is not a good place for you careerwise. Do something that comes more naturally to you than sales. If your wife currently has higher earning potential, maybe she can be the breadwinner while you care for the baby and take classes, a evening job or do project work. Depending on the childcare costs and income tax situation, Daddytrack may be a viable option. Look at things from different angles and find the best solution for your family. Best of luck to you.

Kat

[mweiss]

Laziness, yes sure.

Laziness is just laziness. You don't want to do it. And it only gets worse after that...entropy takes over, diminishing returns.

Laziness has always been scorned, because it is the opposite of action. It has gotten turned into an immoral quality, even.

I think that a better way might be to just accept that it exists, to one degree or another, in most people. The worst part, for me, is getting things started. For instance, if I have been in the jungle going at the bloodsports all day, when I get home, it is only just before 7pm, and there are always things that need done. I can either a: risk a decompression period, knowing that I might fully decompress and do nothing b: hit right into something while I'm still standing, or c: none of the above (preferred by most of us). What do I do? All the above. I take inventory and decide what truly needs done, which may include me collapsing.

And yes, health/diet/energy levels are of course key. To thyself be most excellent. Sometimes it's hard to slow down and focus on the little but important self-care rituals.

As far as your guy at Primerica...well, he's a type. My boss is like that to an extent. I guess some people live to work, others work to live. I'm in the latter category, at least for sure when I work for someone else.

People that go hard like that at the workplace, you have to wonder about the gameface. The masque. The personnae. You think about what would happen to them if they didn't have that. I've seen people retire and drop dead from not having that. I consider it to be an integration problem.

But to the main problem you seem to be getting at-- it's not a deep problem. It's a get off it and do at least one thing NOW problem. Entropy is dangerous shit-- next thing you know you're parked in front of the TV, suddenly realizing how metaphysically elegant "That 70's Show" or whatever is.

It's Nike, really: Just Do It.

Fuck the analysis.

I hear what you're saying about entropy. To some degree, action helps, but whent that action is repeatedly 'rewarded' with failure, it becomes almost impossible to keep doing that action, even though it has been repeated 100,000 times around the country by other successful people.

I have developed a theory that what we label laziness is a behavior pattern that arises in people with very low energy levels. Maybe they might be anemic, or have diabetes, or some other less easily diagnosed condition that leaves them feeling tired and less outgoing. One way to test this theory would be to administer a narcotic like speed, to give the person a temporary huge energy boost, then see how he handles tasks. If his behavior changes to ambitious and hard-working, then that tends to bear out the theory. If not, then there is another cause.

"Inertia" is a big problem in some cases. Reluctant to go to bed, nearly unable to wake up, even to an alarm clock. (Although an effective countermeasure is wife applying hot frying pan to side of husband's face while he's still sleeping.) Inertia may be the fear of letting go of each day. It may be the sense that at night, no one, not even the police, sheriff or tax collection agencies will bother him. He feels safe in the tranquility of night. But when he does go to sleep, he is lost in a world he no longer knows how to control--it is like a drug-induced sleep--impossible, or nearly impossible to voluntarily wake out of. Such a condition may have caused loss of job and inability to be employed.

Diet becomes worse because many times these people turn to food for comfort. The cakes, the cookies, the alcohol--all become part of the "band-aid" that enables the person to bear another day.

Well, it's true that I've known some people who put on an obvious mask, but I've known Joe for five months now, and this is really his natural state. He loves the business. In fact, when he was still with his old job, 11 years ago, he found sitting down with a family and helping them with their financial needs to be theraputic and relaxing. His work with Primerica became his pleasure and source of good feelings. I believe him now, after months of consistency and sincerity. I can see that he lives that way--if it were an act, people would see through it and he would not have achieved the success that only a person genuinely interested in helping other people enjoys. But I have a hunch he had those qualities most of his life. And he works out in his downstairs gym (his basement looks like a Club Med, with every conceivable exercising machine known to man) every morning. He says that he doesn't like to start, but about halfway through, he feels that good feeling and it stays with him the rest of the day, so that's what motivates him to get through the first ten minutes of exercise each morning.

I thought that it was not such a deep problem for a while, at least as far as my own personal challenges go, but I too find that actions ring hollow when not met with reward. I had another reminder of my long string of failures when after I blew through the three lifelong friends that I have, found myself working the cold market, doing about 40-45 cold calls a day. After hundreds of calls, I still had zero results. I began to sink into a less happy state, as I saw my hope with this company melting away. Why is it the rest of the people in my office are setting appointments ang getting people to come to the career overviews, as well as replacing life insurance, writing loans and doing securities transactions, and yet I am still working the phones and have not had even one person actually follow through on their indication of interest? As enthusiastic as I am about the opportunity, my positive attitude becomes dampened after a couple hundred unsuccessful phonecalls.

I began to think that the problem has to be something in me, something about my tone of voice, or my presentation, even though my talking points are approved by the company. Either that or my credibility is so poor that no one believes me. I literally had to take a hiatus, because I developed chest pains so bad that I thought I was having a heart attack last week. Now I'm 'regrouping' and trying to switch gears in my strategy. I've studied hard, gotten my insurance and mortgage licenses, and I am invested in this career now, especially since my radio engineering business imploded earlier this year and I am too old to be eligable for regular employment, nor am I the type of person who would be a good employee. Once you're too old to insure, companies don't want you anyway.

My solution lies somewhere else, but I've been searching in the many years since I retired from the corporate employment world, but have yet to find something that fits. I had a brief taste of success as a graphic designer, when, in 1995, a company that administered on-demand coupon printing kiosks contracted me to design the faceplate adverts for various products. They had a staff of 3-4 people, cranking out about 10-12 faceplates a day. I, working at home on a custom workstation of my own design, was able to crank out ten a day, by myself. The client liked my work and the speed with which I worked, the money was rolling in and life was good... until one day the checks stopped, but they continued giving me assignments. The stoppage was explained as a brief glitch in accounting, but two weeks later, I learned that the company was insolvent and had fallen into Chapter 7, with debts in excess of their assets. As such, the biggest creditors were first in line and I was last, so I was out $6400 for three weeks' work. I had not fallen into such luck again since then.

Right now, I'm in regrouping mode and with Primerica as my only real hope of a better than subsistence lifestyle. The alternative is to apply for a job as a greeter at Wal-Mart. They hire old people for these tasks. Other industries with real jobs requiring degrees and real skills, want young, low-insurance-premium, and moldable people who aren't at an age where they are set in their ways, or a burden on the medical insurance plan. In fact, I sensed that implicitly in 1985, when, upon recovering from my first stroke, I attempted to go back into the workforce out of desparate need for money.

I was never happy or fulfilled working for the monolithic employer. I never enjoyed being an underpaid, expendible pawn in someone else's chess game, where all the spoils go to someone other than myself. I gave away many good decades of my life, foolishly believing that the corporate world would take care of me. Boy, was I wrong. Now I realize that I should have struck out on my own while I was young and had the drive to succeed.

The reason I want to explore core premises is because I think the roadmap of a person's life can be found there. I strongly believe that unless I can identify specific premises, invalidate the ones that are contradictory and affirm the ones that are correct, then perhaps it will be like a huge prison being lifted from my mind.

[Barbara Branden]

Mark, I don't know where you live, but in most cities there are free clinics where one can talk with a psychologist. You might inquire into the possibility of taking anti-depressants, which have saved untold numbers of people from suicide and have given them the psychic energy to take steps to improve their lives. The danger of depression is that it robs one of the will to fight it; anti-depressants can be the energizer that is needed. I strongly recommend that you contact a free clinic in your area. And you need not worry that you won't find there a biocentric psychologist. If it's anti-depressants that you need -- and although I'm not a psychologist, I do have some knowledge of this medication, and from your posts I think that your problems may well be medical rather than only psychological -- then any competent therapist is equipped to administer them. Without them, if I am correct, philosophy will not solve your problems, nor will purely psychological sessions, nor will self-help books. So do look into this.

Barbara

[mweiss]

Mark, I don't know where you live, but in most cities there are free clinics where one can talk with a psychologist. You might inquire into the possibility of taking anti-depressants, which have saved untold numbers of people from suicide and have given them the psychic energy to take steps to improve their lives. The danger of depression is that it robs one of the will to fight it; anti-depressants can be the energizer that is needed. I strongly recommend that you contact a free clinic in your area. And you need not worry that you won't find there a biocentric psychologist. If it's anti-depressants that you need -- and although I'm not a psychologist, I do have some knowledge of this medication, and from your posts I think that your problems may well be medical rather than only psychological -- then any competent therapist is equipped to administer them. Without them, if I am correct, philosophy will not solve your problems, nor will purely psychological sessions, nor will self-help books. So do look into this.

Barbara

Barbara,

Thank you for taking the time to comment on my situation. I value your opinion, since you are one of few definative authorities on the subject of psychology that I respect and trust.

That said, I have some reservations about using any form of medications. My mother was in that situation, right after Ayn Rand’s death. She sank into such a hopeless state, that she was sent to several hospitals, which chose to administer a plethora of drugs. Her condition turned from distraught, to being a vegetable. I’ve seen what the mental health industry does to too many people. My friend’s mother. My neighbor’s sister. Various people who are past middle age, and mentally burned out and then medicated until they become little more than plyable vegetables. I have had countless examples of what standard clinics and hospitals do. They don’t really want to solve the problems at the root cause. They want to treat symptoms. I’m sure that you are aware that the pharamaceutical industry puts considerable pressure on doctors to prescribe medications—because that’s a major channel of revenue for them. They hold profit above the patient’s well-being and that’s not a good thing for the person under treatment.

I live in a relatively rural area, but it is fairly expensive now (wasn’t that way when we came here in 1966, but things have drastically changed) hence we don’t have a lot of services for low income people. I’m within driving distance of New York City, and was thinking along the lines of Dr. Blumenthal, as he’d seen me in 1971.

While I suspect my inability to focus and succeed at a large goal is related to premises, it is quite possible that part of the problem is an imability to commit (and thus limit myself) to one career goal all my life. I actually did so, early in life, where I went to school to learn electronics and pursued a career in that field for a long time before realizing that there was no money in it and no satisfaction in the work itself. But more importantly, I think I have a severe inability to concentrate, to focus on something for more than a few minutes at a time.

Another thing that contributes greatly to my current state of growing unhappiness is the pressure from the government. I would be fairly happy if this government just left us alone, but they want money which I do not have. My engineering business posted a NET LOSS for 2005 of roughly $3000. We literally lived off my wife’s tax return this year, using much of that money to do some serious structural repairs to the roof of our house (not a contractor—they wanted $170,000 to repair the whole thing—so I am doing the work myself over an 8-year span of time) which had partially collapsed in three rooms on the leeward side, due to water rot and carpenter ant damage. No contractor would touch the job, so I have been spending six months of the past 3 years doing this work, slowly, myself. I looked into selling the house last year, and could not find a realtor that would even list it in its current condition. I cannot describe the condition of the house and grounds in a public forum, but I could do it in a PM, if anyone is that interested.

At any rate, my pain is constantly coming from one source: the government. So that pain is forcing me to find ways to bring in an income like that of my neighbors. Geez, everyone around here earns $150,000 or more per year. I own my home free and clear. It was self-built from reclaimed barn lumber, brought up here via countless trips on the back of a 1948 Dodge pickup truck. It was literally pioneering. When we moved in, there was no electric wiring in the building, no plumbing and no well or septic. For the first three years, I was “roughing it”, but the freedom from paying apartment rent every month was worth it, and slowly the basic necessities got installed. But then came the 1980s and an inflationary spiral that caused a 20,000% increase in property taxes, to where I am today. But I love this place. It is home. And I have seniority here and an implied right to continue in my eccentric habits, even if the effects of said habits do extend way beyond the boundaries of my property. I would not give that up.

My parents had Objectivism pretty well under their belts, but their failing health certainly underscored what you are saying above about philosophy not being a solution for bad health. I agree, but I also feel that I should be able to do more with correcting what I deem to be false premises in the subconscious mind. I just don’t trust drugs because I have never seen a case personally in which they helped. In all three cases of people I know closely, they were harmed irreparably by psychotropic drugs administered by mental hospitals.

Now with winter coming on, I am stuck indoors and my activity level is way down from what it was during the summer. At least then, I was on top of the roof every day, lifting, nailing, tearing things apart, etc. I was conquering terrible cancers of the house, exfoliating them and rebuilding anew, section by section. It wasn’t the ideal physical exercise, but it was better than what I’m doing now. No matter how much I begged my wife to join me for daily walks, she refused, so I never did them myself as I hate to go out alone. So I know the lack of activity is adding to the problems. A good physical fitness program would certainly help quite a bit, but it’s just another piece of the integrated solution.

I have an increasingly strong conviction that I have either a bizarre desire to fail, or a fear of success. I think that I give up too easily. Also, since I have been unable to find a career area that I am truly happy in, I am unfulfilled in that area.

So I can sum up some of my hypothesis as follows:

1. Inability to focus.

2. Difficulty maintaining positive mental attitude when results aren’t forthcoming after a lengthy and sincere effort.

3. Oversleeping; lack of desire to live in the real world, preferring the world of dreams over reality.

4. Goals that may be incompatible with means.

5. Sluggish mental processes; inability to think in realtime, inability to be creative in problem-solving.

6. Lack of self-esteem, lifelong cheater, second-hander (and what’s worse, knowing Objectivism and STILL remaining this way [i can picture Miss Rand chuckling at me now]).

7. Possibility of some subconscious evasions to facilitate wants and desires unearned.

So you can see that from an Objectivist standpoint, I’m really a pretty evil person. However, I have suffered to the point where I want to understand what makes me tick and get on the path to change. I think I got this way by unconscious choices, not brain chemical imbalances. Genetics may play a role, but since there is no hard scientific evidence to support this assertion, I’ll set it aside for now.

All I know is that right now, it is becoming more difficult to set goals and to focus on those goals. I don’t really even know what sort of goals I should set. I continuously fail to meet the goal of “will get up in the morning” on a daily basis, so I have much doubt that anything more lofty will be met with success.

Perhaps the biggest lack I have is passion. Somewhere in the 1980s, I lost it. That fire, that strong desire to reach goals, no matter how difficult, because I had a force that drove me. I don’t feel that force anymore. Haven’t felt it since the 1970s. Which brings to mind what my late father once said to me: “Spiritually dead and an enemy of God.” Sometimes I think the first half of that statement applies to me. Whatever the case, I seem to lack the will or the desire to give it my “all” now. Uncertainty as to what path to take may be the reason. Finding that path may be the solution.

Hmmmm…. this discussion and the act of writing all this out is forcing me to slow down and analyze thoughts step by step. Interesting…

Well this is what I believe now. What do you make of it?

[Barbara Branden]

Mark, from your description of the results of your mother's medication, it sounds to me as if she was given anti-psychotic drugs, which can have the effects you name. That is not at all what I am suggesting.

The symptoms you summarized are typical symptoms of clinical depression. And what is now understood about such depression is that it results not merely from psychological issues but from a chemical imbalance in the brain, an imbalance which the anti-depressant medication corrects. In a word, it is now understood to be a physical problem which can be treated, thereby enabling the patient to begin dealing with whatever psychological problems may also be involved. You say you don't know anyone who has been helped by drugs. I will say only that I have known many such people, and that the anti-depressants have transformed their lives. Nor have I encountered or heard or read of any cases in which these drugs have turned people into vegetables, as the anti-psychotic drugs often seem to do; although, by my understanding, even they are much improved in recent years.

I certainly don't want to pressure you. But since you are wary of medication, let me suggest that you first find some books on depression and its treatment, which may allay your fears.

Barbara

[Brant Gaede]

Mark, I can only offer some practical advice which may be of value to you.

1) Make a list of your existential problems, say ten items, with the hardest first. Try dealing with them one at a time focusing on the easiest first. It doesn't matter how trivial that may seem.

2) Adopt a young, but housebroken dog of medium size. Take him on daily walks.

3) Inability to concentrate may come from sugar in your diet. Try a diet without sugar.

4) Train yourself to stop all negative thinking that does not have an immediate, positive value.

I hope I have given you something here you can use.

--Brant