Early Onset Empty Nest Syndrome

[dldelancey]

It has recently been brought to my attention that lurking and drive by posting might be considered rude.  Also, I have been requested to spread around a little estrogen.

Given that I have about 2.4 minutes of downtime during my average day and that wading into posts with hundreds or even thousands of replies is both intimidating and daunting… here’s something new from me on a topic that I occasionally feel almost but not quite confident about. 

Last summer, as my son approached his 13^th birthday, I braced myself for him to become what everyone told me was going to be a stranger who rages at me and at the world.  That stranger hasn’t shown up yet, and we’re ~1 month from age 14. 

So, I don’t know what’s happening.  My kid is independent and self-sufficient, an introverted deep thinker who gets in trouble for talking about Schrodinger’s Cat at school (some kid reported him for killing cats).  Everyone says I must be doing something wrong because my child doesn’t hate me.  Honestly, I’m just wondering what the hell do I do now that I’m apparently almost done raising him.

I expected the teenage years to be filled with angst.  I didn’t realize that the angst would be mine.

[caroljane]

1 hour ago, dldelancey said:

It has recently been brought to my attention that lurking and drive by posting might be considered rude.  Also, I have been requested to spread around a little estrogen.

Given that I have about 2.4 minutes of downtime during my average day and that wading into posts with hundreds or even thousands of replies is both intimidating and daunting… here’s something new from me on a topic that I occasionally feel almost but not quite confident about. 

Last summer, as my son approached his 13^th birthday, I braced myself for him to become what everyone told me was going to be a stranger who rages at me and at the world.  That stranger hasn’t shown up yet, and we’re ~1 month from age 14. 

So, I don’t know what’s happening.  My kid is independent and self-sufficient, an introverted deep thinker who gets in trouble for talking about Schrodinger’s Cat at school (some kid reported him for killing cats).  Everyone says I must be doing something wrong because my child doesn’t hate me.  Honestly, I’m just wondering what the hell do I do now that I’m apparently almost done raising him.

I expected the teenage years to be filled with angst.  I didn’t realize that the angst would be mine.

Didi, I looove you- wuh-oh-0h0h0h-(I know Spector's in jail, but boy could he write}

I have two of those critters, all grown up now, and they never hated me.  The older was a self-contained  introspective type, who married young, the younger  a flaming extrovert, whose every girlfriend who climbed through his window since he was 14 I heard about if I wanted to or not.

They lost their father when they were 23 and 18, which made us necessarily closer. Youngest just got married, oldest just got divorced, and the beat goes  on.

I would not be me without them. 

[dldelancey]

On ‎6‎/‎26‎/‎2018 at 5:45 PM, caroljane said:

Didi, I looove you- wuh-oh-0h0h0h-(I know Spector's in jail, but boy could he write}

I have two of those critters, all grown up now, and they never hated me.  The older was a self-contained  introspective type, who married young, the younger  a flaming extrovert, whose every girlfriend who climbed through his window since he was 14 I heard about if I wanted to or not.

They lost their father when they were 23 and 18, which made us necessarily closer. Youngest just got married, oldest just got divorced, and the beat goes  on.

I would not be me without them. 

You're the only person I allow to call me Didi.  I've missed you.

[caroljane]

32 minutes ago, dldelancey said:

You're the only person I allow to call me Didi.  I've missed you.

And I you. I love the  image of you and your son at the library. These are some of the most precious memories I have with my own older son, the reader, imaginative one. Especially clear is the month he and I spent in my hometown in winter, when he was 5 and his grandfather was dying there. Among towers of snow, in our small beautiful town,  we walked together and selected books about Ulysses and Pegasus and Donald Duck and he became a reader, I think , at that time. So great you are passing that precious pleasure along.

 

[Michael Stuart Kelly]

On 6/26/2018 at 3:52 PM, dldelancey said:

I expected the teenage years to be filled with angst.  I didn’t realize that the angst would be mine.

Deanna,

You reminded me of a gem I came across in my studies on story.

I went through a 24-lecture course on storytelling (twice) called The Art of Storytelling: From Parents to Professionals by Hannah B. Harvey and discovered the unique charm of a fully developed storytelling subculture in the south, mostly in the Appalachian region, but elsewhere, too. Hannah makes a point to call herself an "Appalachian woman."

Through the references in the course, and later looking on my own, I have had the enormous pleasure of listening to--and learning from--several storytellers within this subculture. These folks know how to put together a story and tell it. But a lady named Elizabeth Ellis, one of the legends among them, knocks me out everytime I listen to her tell her stories.

I think you will like this. It is relevant to your comment. Thematically...

Michael

[Peter]

On ‎6‎/‎29‎/‎2018 at 6:42 PM, dldelancey said:

You're the only person I allow to call me Didi.  I've missed you.

didelancey, you have changed your picture. My icon, Sparks the Cat, is still living, though she has some "bad spots" on her ears. I may have to have them snipped off, according to the vet. Yuck.  

[Jules Troy]

I got custody of my son when he was 14, he is now 22, living on his own and has a great career.  Our time with him while he approached adulthood was wonderful and I cherished every day.

[caroljane]

8 hours ago, Jules Troy said:

I got custody of my son when he was 14, he is now 22, living on his own and has a great career.  Our time with him while he approached adulthood was wonderful and I cherished every day.

Jules I do not know the circumstances, but that is just the age when boys need their father the most. I am glad that my sons' father lived at least, until his youngest was eighteen, though as years ensued I knew how much  he needed his dad later.

He has said that Dad waited until he was 18, to die.  Before that, he brought his latest soccer championship  trophy to the hospital room , four days before, and we could see the happiness it made.

Every minute we have with our children is etched in their hearts, somewhere.