Why We Give Gifts

[Ed Hudgins]

Hope you all are having a happy holiday! Here's my piece from the Christmas day Washington Times. (Sorry I didn't post earlier but I've trouble accessing this site from my home computer.):

http://www.washingtontimes.com/commentary/...83632-5710r.htm

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Gifts...

by Edward Hudgins

One year I gave my then-young nephew who was in the first years of elementary school a rock for Christmas. Not just any old rock but a piece of sandstone from a science store. In it were embedded fossils, shells and other little surprises. But you couldn't just take a hammer, smash it to pieces and extract your prizes. The rock came with little scraping and brushing tools and, like a paleontologist, you had to slowly and methodically scrape away the rock.

It was exciting for me over the next weeks to get my nephew's excited phone calls telling me he thought he could see a little white piece of bone sticking out and he would keep me informed on his progress. I was watching a curious mind and a fired imagination learning patience and perseverance.

One Christmas season tradition that makes this holiday stand out from all others is gift-giving. Crowded malls lead to brightly wrapped packages and then to bright eyes and smiles as the surprises are revealed to their recipients. Inevitably this tradition is criticized as too commercial, though it seems strange anyone should complain about living in a society of productive individuals, which allows us to purchase all the material comforts that make life pleasant. In any case, we need to produce before we can give. Some suggest it is more blessed to give than to receive. Is this true? Is this pure altruism or is there something in it for us the givers? This is a good time to ask about some of the reasons why it is of value to us to give gifts.

The valid reason for giving gifts to others is that others are of value to us. Sometimes we might give to others because of the continuing services they render to us. We're happy for good co-workers, for the folks who park our cars, cut our hair, deliver our mail or have principally commercial relationships with us.

Sure, they were only doing their job. But it's still not a bad idea to remind them we appreciate both the specific services they render and their virtues -- fortitude, focus, productivity -- that allow them to provide those services to begin with.

We give gifts to children not only because, obviously, we love them but also for the joy of exciting and delighting them with their holiday surprises. Of course, we also want them to understand that as adults they must work for most things of real value to them. But we want to instill in them the notion the universe is ultimately benevolent and there is a world of beautiful and wonderful things worth working for.

And we also get a special pleasure if we manage to pick out an educational gift -- my nephew's rock -- that actually delights and engages a young mind.

Sometimes, if we're really creative, we can pick just the perfect gift we know will have special meaning to the individual we value -- a book or music CD that they've been looking for but can't find or perhaps something of which they are entirely unaware. It gives us a particular joy when we manage to pull off such a present because it's actually a case of "to love them is to know them." It's our recognition of their interests, values and emotions -- the things we love about them -- that allows us to anticipate the joy that will come both from their gift and from their recognition that someone really sees and appreciates what is essential about them, that they are visible to another's understanding mind and soul.

Even when we can't find that perfect gift, we still take joy in giving a little something because of what parents, siblings, children, relatives or friends mean to us. So as you sit around handing them even just a token tie or box of chocolates, think of what they mean to you and why you're giving them the gift. Think of what they've meant to you in recent weeks, months, years or all your life. Or better still, tell them.

Both giving and getting are great. But the gift is not just in the box given or received but in the hearts and minds of givers and receivers as an affirmation of the persons they value.

Edward Hudgins is executive director of the Objectivist Center and its Atlas Society, which celebrates human achievement.

[Michael Stuart Kelly]

Ed,

Thank you for posting that article here.

I like your goodwill approach to giving and it made me think about my own attitudes.

I have been a loner most of my life, and I usually get a bit irritated by holidays where giving comes off to me more as a duty, not a joy.

But I have been VERY GENEROUS with those I care about at times when I have experienced my own triumphs.

I suppose that living in society means that we have to make standard times for giving gifts so that children can understand. Also, it seems that at Christmas time, people are more willing to wipe the slate clean and start over on things that have gone wrong the year before. Giving gifts in a manner that emphasizes the goodwill and valuing that goes with it provides a strong emotional upbeat atmosphere for this slate-wiping.

I better stop now before I get to that super-controversial word in Objectivism, forgiveness.

Michael

[Barbara Branden]

A lovely article, Ed. I especially liked "to love them is to know them."

Michael, about your statement that "forgiveness" is a super-controversial word in Objectivism. When I was reading Atlas in manuscript, I came to a passage where Dagny, in the Valley, learns that Midas Mulligan is going to charge Galt twenty-five cents for the use of his car. Incredulous, she asks, "Good heavens, couldn't he have given it to you as a courtesy?" Galt explains that "there is one word which is forbidden in this valley: the word 'give.'" "Forgive me," Dagny answers. "You're right." I pointed out to Ayn -- knowing that she hated it when words rhymed where she did not intend it, that "give" and "forgive" were very close together and they rhymed. She thanked me for pointing it out, and she changed Dagny's answer to, "I'm sorry. You're right." (Page 714 in the hardvoer.) MEA CULPA!