Landon Erp

This is one of the few definitive statements made by Rand on the subject of the Horror genre of writing. Of all of her aesthetic statements, this, while being one of her most bold, is conversely one of her least controversial statements. You'll often find people who would tear the rest of her aesthetics to shreds but who are in complete agreement with this statement. That always personally caused me problems. As a teenager and young adult I cut my teeth on horror. The stories I'm drawn to now often bear little resemblance to horror, but at the same time when I look at my own writing and my own tastes I see that horror has left a permanent mark. The question I found myself asking for many years was, "Is this something I'm comfortable with?" When I first discovered Rand, I had an AHA moment reading the essay "Bootleg Romanticism" for the first time, since it outlined in vivid detail many ideas which, while very important to me, my own intellect had barely scratched the surface. Reading that essay helped me determine, once and for all, what I saw of value in things like superhero stories. But since then, to some degree I'd been living a contradiction. My approach to superheroes was at peace for the first time, but now I had a completely new problem to deal with. Horror in many ways works as an exact opposite to romantic/heroic fiction, with the Slasher Film and the Superhero Comic working almost as opposite sides of the same coin. In the superhero story, the individual or group representing justice is imbued with special talents which make conflict against evil a stacked deck (even more so than the fact that evil by definition is seeking out an irrational goal). It's as if since a hero represents an often unexamined "good" that intrinsically makes him more capable in all things. Granted, if it were left as this, the stories' would have very little credible or interesting conflict. This leads to creating an equally capable villain by which the hero will be judged. A flaw in this system is that while the hero's "good" qualities are to be taken for granted and above evaluation, no villain sees himself as such. This leads to a situation where a villain is given a substantial amount of back-story and justification sometimes leading becoming genuinely sympathetic, and his hero becoming anemic. In the slasher story, the roles are reversed. A character by virtue of his evil is granted supreme competence. His evil is often of such a grand scale it becomes beyond being worth any analysis. Granted, some fans of this type of story will tell you that's what makes it better, and the story is ruined if you understand the killer's mentality or justification too deeply. By converse, the heroes of the story are simply normal men. They have nothing which guarantees their survival, quite the contrary, actually; most of them will not survive this situation. But this is where something interesting comes into play. The heroes have motivations. They want to protect their own lives or that of the ones they love. They want to reach a point in their lives where this will simply be an unpleasant footnote about this point in their life and it will not define them. One of the defining elements of horror is that it stands in striking opposition to Rand's view of what a story requires. It isn't a situation played out that you'd like to live through or at least witness. It's a situation you would be happy to have lived through, but not one you would relish or wish to revisit. The draw is the idea of being stuck with an unenviable metaphysical situation, and coming though to the other side, preferably unscathed, but at the very least a bit stronger than you were before and a bit wiser. The truth is that, at its worst, horror is little more than a metaphysical license to give up, simply viewing the world as both incomprehensible and malevolent and abdicating any legitimate responsibility one might have to dealing with reality and one's own life. But at its best, ironically, Rand described it very well when she spoke of one of the few horror stories she saw value in: The issue of many horror stories can, in fact, be "rationally applicable to human life, and very important." On the way to fighting for your ideal, you often have to first fight through something terrible to even reach the point of fighting FOR something wonderful. The truth of the matter is even Rand herself knew this. Coming Next: We the Living. *thanks to Stuart Hayashi for helping me find that quote. Cross posted from Superhero Babylon

I was going to opt out at this point but since you started the thread and what I scanned of your response of "Music of the Gods" (if you're who I'm thinking of and I got my third hand information correct) I'll make a little exception. As far as shape and proportion and composition go I'd say most artists who've worked since the renaissance have improved upon the original models. For better or worse new work is informed by older work and you cannot un-ring the bell. If you break down an artistic work point by point a newer artist will usually beat out an older artist. In many cases this will be because newer artists adapt work from older artists and put their own improvements on top. But there is also something to be said for a work not being a simple sum of its parts. There have been numerous times lately where I've seen something complicated where each individual facet of a work was great but the overall work itself was not. Or to put it simply, in a comparison of old to new, most people would have to grudgingly admit that each individual point of a newer work is better regardless of whether the newer work was more or less original than the earlier work or which work was actually stronger as a whole. But to be honest I should reiterate my biggest qualifier here. I'm mainly speaking in principles and my actual examples might be a bit weak. I can talk anyone's ear off about fiction, comics and filmmaking but my fine art background is substantially weaker. There might be some subtleties I'm glossing over. But I already said I was done with my discussion here and I don't want to overstay my welcome, Just wanted to acknowledge that I read your piece and you do have some valid points. But I also thank you for your time and for hearing me out. In general if you or anyone else wants to discuss anything I brought up here with me they can e-mail me @ Landonerp@gmail.com. ---Landon

Conceding the point was probably an aggressive wording but seriously we're on the same page there and that's what matters. But by objectively better I meant as much in the same way Rand wrote on Tolstoy, there's some art out there that says some pretty abysmal things in an excellent manner. I'd like a piece of work that said something I didn't like or adamantly disagreed with but did it well more than I'd like one that conformed closer to my values but didn't do a good job of it. By the standard I just applied the movies Closer or Spanglish are far superior to most novels by Objectivist writers because they were beautifully shot and acted and the dialogue was well written even though both had a story where I had no investment in the well being or misery of any of the characters because none of them made much of an impression on me positive or negative. Sense of life is and world view is something personal to the artist and the audience. I've always tried to state that my criteria was the level of technical skill involved and my Cordair example was a specific response to a specific person. This person claimed to value the lessons of the Romantic Manifesto and that there are people who've taken those lessons seriously and had positive results based on that. But ultimately sense of life is too personal to deal with in this way. I may not agree with the mentality it took to write "Nightmare Town" but I'm glad that the people who share that mentality have something which reflects their world. But beyond that even in something relatively open to interpretation like literature people are drawn to different things within the same work. I like horror movies because the heroines there are deeper and more interesting than any superheroine but most people would be tempted to dismiss the entire genre as being born of bad sense of life. At the end of the day I'm a "nuts and bolts" guy when it comes to aesthetics. I'll read a novel and compare it to the film adaptation to see where things were improved or worsened. I'll compare different adaptations of the same story. I watch different edits of the same film. I listen to director commentaries and watch deleted scenes and try to determine if they handled the tough decisions correctly. I can watch a film or read a novel and see it like an engine and understand how moving different elements of the story or "pressure valves" can drastically affect the overall work. It can turn an unstoppable psychopath into a loveable loser who can't catch a break. It can turn a bold man who takes charge of his own life into a neurotic wreck who can't keep anything together. That's the one thing which keeps sticking at me of what's been said of me here. Anyone who works with me or has long discussions with me eventually says I think TOO technically about these subjects and I pay too much attention to how things actually works to spend any time in mindless worship. If you ask by what standard I'll tell you. By and objective TECHNICAL standard with only the barest minimum reference to sense of life and only in cases of the blatantly obvious in the context of a particular discussion. And that's all I'm trying to say, the form that art takes may be different but this principle stays the same. I saw this under attacked and reacted accordingly. Sometimes I can't understand how someone can claim to love something but not want to understand how it works. But accordingly I know my television works on principles involving electricity, circuitry and broadcast frequencies while there are other people out there who understand every scientific principle which makes it possible. Since I'm not a scientist and have only a passing interest in this subject a scientist trying to explain this to me as a peer would only frustrate himself and confuse me he'd speak to me in simplified terms on the subject, making sure I had a base understanding of everything involved but also not trying to educate me to his level within the span of a single conversation. As such my original response was one part emotion one part technical. I see scientists who post on Youtube about evolution against creationism who react the same way. They see people talking about throwing what they see as unimportant parts of science out the window while, using a video camera in conjunction with a computer to post a video on the Internet. It's part desperately wanting to educate people and part audacity and people seeing education as unnecessary. In closing Michael I thank you for your graciousness. I've said some pretty terrible things about this forum elsewhere and you would've been completely within rights to not allow me to post in your house but I respect the fact that you did and am very thankful as well. Also since you didn't take down my previous link to the blog I write for with Joe Maurone I'm going to give the link one more time. At Superhero Babylon there's a focus on discussions about portrayal of heroism in the culture as well as thoughts on what it means to be an "Objectivist" and a "hero" since in general the two might seem to be at odds with each other. I also spend a good portion of my time there just discussing aesthetics as applied to fiction, most notably my hero archetype series. and general aesthetics series.. But once again thank you for the opportunity to clear up my views here. ---Landon

I went out of my way to post here so I don't think insults will serve either of us and I'm glad you seem to think the same. I became aware after being told about this thread that I might not have been as clear as I would've liked and I thank you for this opportunity to further clarify. That coupled with my own use of the bombastic style characteristic of SOLO probably made my point even less clear. I think you conceded the biggest part of my point however. I was mainly speaking in technical terms. The technique applied today is objectively better than what has been available or used in the past. I don't however think this is an automatic process. A better way of saying it is that an artist working in say the romantic style of painting today has the entirety of art up until this point to use as a starting point. Part of my contention with Perigo's approach is precisely that this is not automatic. It's not a simple matter of finding the right mesh of pre-existing styles, it involves understanding what made the styles and works of the past work and learning how to actually use those elements rather than just copy them. On top of that it does require an element of each new artist bringing something new to the equation, I used the example of finding a flaw in a previous artist and working to improve/fix it but it could also include exploring something new which had been entirely overlooked by previous artists or even taking something which had been effectively explored in an entirely new direction. A general statement could be made that each new person who works in a specific artistic tradition needs to "bring more than they took." Rand herself even admitted as much with her essay bootleg romanticism where the flaw was that the creators "took more than they brought." As to sense of life I hate to say it but your statement kind of reminds me of what my previous statements inspired from Perigo. He always accused me of trying to hard to make a case for "headbanging caterwauling" when I said nothing about rock music at all. I may have to re check what I've written up until now but I don't think I said anything about sense of life. Though I do remember recently making a rather obvious statement that Dashiell Hammett the author of "Nightmare town" had a malevolent universe premise. But based on what I've read of the man I think the only response making this statement about the man would inspire would be "Sounds about right, never really thought to give a name to it." I don't think I said anything along the lines that anyone actually expresses it better, but more that because of advances they are objectively more capable of doing so since they don't have to invent the techniques with which to work on top of actually executing the work. They still may develop techniques of their own, but they will be building upon the work of others who have already made greater strides than they themselves. To be honest I could use examples from a number of mediums but I am kind of curious why you think I'm elevating my personal favorites. I'll admit that as far as sculptors go I'd say that I like a number of entrants from the Cordair crowd better than other modern sculptors I've been exposed to but personally I always loved the works of Rodin and Michelangelo. I also think you'd have to know my tastes of comics to understand my original analogy but I liked Jim Lee as a 12 year old and I usually only use him because he's a great example of the typical modern style and every time I make this argument I always make it a point to list his elevated status over cartoonists I actually prefer. I'm saying it's objectively better in a few very specific ways in a manner with very little emotional attachment to it. It's objectively better but it could be an artistic evolutionary dead end. Though I do remember cases where artists who started out as little more than clones of their literal or figurative mentors and ultimately became much better than them. (Ironically) long story short my original statement was an intentional oversimplification. Also I think I hear the word "Randroid" rolling around your head (not specifically You Michael, but possibly someone else reading this) when you read this but it actually originates more from a comics industry mentality than anything Rand ever wrote. Ditko said something along the lines of my thesis statement in an interview once and I've heard it echoed by a number of other greats in the comic industry (many of which Jewish but that's the only ideological link). And my first instinct was "how could you call those hacks better than you?" But over time when I really thought about it and took the emotional side out I saw how right they really were. But the biggest thing to remember is that just because something was more effectively executed doesn't mean that it had more to say or expressed a better sense of life. Again, when I analyze these things I try to take my personal tastes out of the equation. ---Landon

I haven't posted here in a couple years but I feel the need to respond to this. I've made this argument a half a dozen times before and it usually gets ignored because I speak in terms of comics creators. The one time I use people everyone is familiar with then it gets noticed. Usually it goes something like: Jim Lee is better than Jack Kirby because even though Jack Kirby developed all the techniques and tools Jim Lee would later go on to use, Jim Lee had the benefit of time to see what Kirby did that worked and where the flaws were. On top of that he also had the benefit of learning from people like Neal Adams, John Byrne etc. and applying the same process to them for a greater sum total once he actually became fluent with his work. Effectively you're seeing someone who has had the benefit of learning from Jack Kirby, Will Eisner, Neal Adams, Frank Miller and numerous others learning from the groundbreaking new things they brought to the table as well as the flaws each possessed to learn from and it shows. Does this however mean that generations from now his work will be valued more than that of any of his mentors. Not necessarily. He had good runs on X-men and Batman but he's never had a "Coming of Galactus," or "Dark Phoenix Saga" or "Dark Knight Returns" and may never but his work is more technically proficient than that of any of his mentors. His work has a technical prowess that is higher than any of his mentors but that does not necessarily mean that his work will have more impact. When I listed the fine artists these were all people who brought new techniques to their field which had never existed before. As such especially the first times they were used they were not as good as they would later become through trial and error and practice. Any art history student can point to things the renaissance artists did that anyone today would know better than. Michelangelo's proportions on women were often very unrealistic (since he worked from male models quite often) and there are countless other things. At the time these things were not even worth mentioning because each of these artists were bringing so many new things to the table. But it would be unforgivable today for any new artist to not learn from these flaws and take every great artist as being so great they were beyond question. This is how progress works you learn from what came before you. You understand how great the advances were and you learn to fix the flaws. I could hardly imagine living in 2008 and still using the exact type of light bulb that was built in Edison's laboratory with no improvements. How the Cordair gallery fits into this discussion is that you have a number of artist who had the benefit of learning from Michelangelo, Leonardo et al. as well as Objectivist aesthetics. Also the specific context of this was omitted. It was in response to Lindsay Perigos musical statements where he basically wasn't granting any merit to anything that was less than 200 years old. It was in response to the fact that we have today artists who've been working within just the past few decades who've picked up what at one point was nearly a dead tradition and they're keeping it going. It's the best thing around today but this tradition didn't have many people propping it up for a long period of time so it's more of a best by default than obviously best. But honestly all the things I mentioned are technically better as in executed with more skill and understanding than that which came before it which I translate as objectively better. The works from the past I mentioned had inspiration, skill, and innovation whereas the modern works only have the first two. But there is enough of this for them to qualify. Being part of the tradition means the newest entrants have had the greatest who came before them to learn from, and in many ways they may be placeholders for said tradition, but they're there. The post was in response to the idea of holding onto good memories while letting the future die. I used it as a means of pointing out that traditions reemerging and new works being created is not only a possibility but a reality. But on a side note I wouldn't much disagree with Mr. Gaede's assessment of Objectivist lit (with Rand herself as a notable exception). There is far too much resting on her accomplishments there and not enough innovation. I don't think the premise of any Objectivist written novel has ever interested me so much that I'd go beyond reading a book listing @ somewhere like Lasiez Faire books. To be honest over the past year I've spent more time reading David Morrell, Dashiell Hammett and Mickey Spillane than most anything that I think would be "Objectivist friendly." I expand on this in my last and next scheduled post at Superhero Babylon. Since I'm just back to discuss this topic (and quite frankly this may be the only time I'm happy to still have my account open here) the hosts may feel free to disable my link. I don't think that you'd actually do that but based on my status as a poster, and what I've said about this forum elsewhere it seems like common courtesy to offer. You don't owe me any advertising. ---Landon

As I was reading this chapter (I checked the book out of the library). One objectivist take on the subject seemed obvious. A happy ending a situation where the couple takes on society and wins. ---Landon

I think cartoonist Objectivist Steve Ditko is a good measuring post for this. He worked on several projects for several different companies but what he is known best for is co-creating Spider-Man for Marvel Comics. Just as the book was begining to reach its height he got called on several recent decisions (such as potyraying hippies in an unflattering light, not wanting to take the character of an industrialist and have him to turn up as the key villain of the story). After a number of arguements with management he simply walked out at the book's height. Another issue he had was how marvel's writing style worked. He then went to work for smaller publisher Charlton comics (a much smaller publisher who always gave him total creative freedom). It was smaller checks but he was happy with the work. He also took work at Marvel's biggest competitor DC comics. He developed several projects there and tried applying his Objectivist worldview deeper into the stories, but since he didn't write the dialogue it was often removed by this phase of the process. After enough of this, he left DC as well and went back to Charlton. Over the years he also took the iniative to self publish to keep total control of his work. He did this to modest sales but great personal satisfaction. At this point he takes small projects at whoever is willing to pay him. He takes work wherever he can get it, but he has a cut off point. It's not an arbitrary cutoff point and it's not up for debate, you cross that line he won't work for you. If you keep that in mind he's one of the best employees you could ever hope for. But Kat I think you're forgetting something. Roark is fiction but he didn't always cherry pick his jobs. At times her took jobs completely out of his area of expertise. Basically I'm saying if the only jobs available are a high position at a Christian recruiting office or a Janitor at a Truck stop... take the latter. There will always be options, some just won't seem appealing, but you'll thank yourself in the long run.

I just finished re-reading "the Romantic Manifesto"... afterwards I feel really stupid for just about any complaint I've ever made about her aesthetic theory. I can't blame her for her poor immitators. Just started re-reading comics and sequential art by Will Eisner. I might have to finish my last "research" book for "Naked Souls," Green River Running Red by Ann Rule. This to my knowledge is the second book she worked on where she had personally met the subject. Her first major book "the stranger beside me" about Ted Bundy covers the friendship she built with the man while they worked (of all place) at a suicide hotline together. It also covers how the relationship deteroriated as she came closer to discovering his guilt. Her interaction with Green River was more limited (he was a fan who attended book signings and met her at the supermarket a few times). One thing I always love about her style is she always works very hard to humanize the victims. Many authors tend to simply treat the victims as fodder and delve too deeply into, what are basically just men with self-esteem issues. Rule strikes a good balance and never lets you forget that each victim was a living breathing person who has a family, friends, and lovers who miss them dearly who didn't deserve to die. Also on our gracious host's reccomendation I've picked up "20 master plots and how to build them" and I've found it a highly interesting read. and I'm looking forward to some futher discussion on it. ---Landon

Now that is one happy coincidence. Thanks for tipping me off to it. ---Landon

Another thing I forgot is don't worry, you don't see allison again til she's on her deathbed... no idea when I'm doing that story but I know that much. ---Landon

I do short character sketches (small stories that take place outside the main ones featring the smaller characters) on my myspace blog. Daily might be kind of rough (I have roughly one page of art half finished as I write this). As to Alicia and Allison... I went through several A names before I came up with Ann. I thought it might be kind of interesting if John and Allison made a deal that all the girls would have A names and all the boys they had would have J names. And if John knew what I know he wouldn't have taken that deal. So thats how I wound up with Allison Brenner giving birth to Ann and Alicia Benner. As to Alarm/Morningstar. I took the name Morningstar from names like Manson (Man Son) Do (with his counterpart Ti). The man is equating himself with the sun it's kind of typical cult behavior. And Alarm is supposed to be representative of a reaction causing a force that brings change. And when it comes down to it everyone in Alarm has a big forceful name like that... Didn't Amy Smith seem like a pretty common sounding name. It's also kind of based on an idea that got adopted in X-Men, but comes from Malcom X and the nation of islam. The idea that your name was chosen by a culture you don't truly belong to so it isn't valid and the only valid name you can have is through the force of change. All in all thanks for taking the time to comment and I hope that clears some things up. ---Landon

But fair enough: The Brenner family: Ann Alicia Allison (M) John (F) Angelica (aunt) Ellen (aunt deceased) Alarm movement: Jim Morningstar (Spiritual leader) Skarr Robby (Alicia's boyfriend) Lisa (Morningstar's daughter) Dr. Amy Smith (psychiatrist associated with the group)

Fair enough. As for the cast I used to do that when I wrote scripts for screen but this was basically for my eyes only, I even had to change a lot of the action captions from something like "set-up plot point x here" to something more vague and descriptive. Thanks for your comments thus far.

This is my "Shooting script" for the first issue of Frontier War---Manipulation. I say shooting script because once I start the art phase I usually do a lot of rewrites. I move scenes around. I cut dialogue. I add dialogue. And sometimes new story events occur organicly based on a background image etc. The basic point I have is, the final product will probably have some differences from the version you're reading here. But this is the last version of the script I'm going to do. I don't want to over-explain it so I'm going to cut myself off at this point. I hope anyone who reads this can see what I meant when I said I don't take a traditional approach to super-hero stories. And any feedback would be appreciated ---Landon (Actions noted in italics) xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Frontier War: Manipulation Issue #1 Family Curse Script By Landon Erp xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx PAGE 1 Establishing shot of a funeral Ann's family is attending It is Ann’s mother Allison's sister/Ann's and Alicia's aunt Ellen There is a 3 to 1 female to male ratio at the funeral and all related events Everyone's head is bowed Though most of the immediate family is thinking about something Other than what you usually think of when you're at a funeral The father John Brenner, A strong man with a bit of a beer gut and a deeply receding hairline, is holding his wife and being there for her at a tough time The mother Allison, a woman with auburn hair and a face of a woman twice her age, is experiencing a strange mixture of pain and mind numbing fear Their two children fraternal twin sisters are there as well Alicia, a slender young woman with bright red hair, looks bored in the background, she is twirling her gum Ann is standing in the forefront pensively Preacher: Ye though I walk through the Valley of the shadow of death, I shall not.... Ann: [narration] "I'm at a my aunt Ellen's funeral." "I'm glad her misery's over." "The tumor rendered her insane, after a while she just slipped into senility, then she finally just slipped away." "The undertaker did a good job matching pictures of her in the years when she REALLY alive." "I only saw pictures" *************** PAGE 2 Ann:[narration]"Mom's family has a strange history" "as far back as we can trace, no one she directly descended from had a male child" "Two things run in this all female family, Mental illness and brain cancer" "Everyone calls it the 'Family Curse' " "It's the only thing on every woman's mind" "It's like I can tell the thoughts in each of their heads," "Am I next?" "Maybe that's part of the secret too" "when we were younger I think me and my sister came close to understanding." "That was a lifetime ago, Apathetic as usual, now I'm surprised she even showed up" Alicia shoots Ann a mean stare Ann:[narration] "She'll never admit it but, we gave up a lot when we ended those years of discovery" Ann has a look of sad frustration on her face the family gets into the car together to go to the post-funeral meeting place John stays by Allison's side Ann enters the house last Alicia makes little attempt to enter but goes off to smoke with cousins *************** PAGE 3 Ann is walking through the living room at her house passing by people carrying on conversations There are dozens of people there, lots of aunts and female cousins Everyone is back at the Brenner’s house for the wake It’s a mildly big house a few big rooms but there are still places to hide from everyone if you choose Allison:[to Angelica] So what did the doctor say about... your condition. Angelica: He still can't figure out what's causing the headaches, or the hallucinations... I JUST WANT TO BE ABLE TO FUNCTION! I don't want to die like Michelle and Ellen or locked up like Jennifer. Allison:[hugging her sister] Me either sis. Ann:[narration] I'm not hiding, I should be, but I'm not. No, it's expected for me to be here but it's too painful for me to talk to anyone. It's not grief I was never that close to Aunt Ellen anyway, it's the survivors... it's not grief. it's fear. they're hiding something. we all know part of it but no one knows all of it, except maybe Grandpa Anderson. Grandpa Anderson:[mumbling to everyone and no one from his wheelchair] She could do such amazing things your grandma Anastasia, but that cost her so very much. I just wanted to protect you girls... and look what I've done to you... I even know how to stop it... for the young the one's I haven't poisoned... If only anyone still believed me. Ann:[bending down to meet her great- grandpa's eyes says flatly] I believe you. Grandpa Anderson:[gravely] That's what I was afraid of. Allison: GRANDPA!!! Honestly could you stop, you'll scare you're great grand-daughters Ann walks off Ann[narration]: I DO believe him. His wife was Anastasia Anderson an orphan with no knowledge of who her parents were, from all the stories I heard she was a strong woman that escaped a tyrannical home and kept nothing but her first name. She was my namesake. He seemed afraid to talk about her and he spread that fear around. After she died he apparently became very protective of his 2 daughters... always told them to play it safe, don't take chances, back down at the first sign of trouble. so when the curse came, they didn't know how to fight it. And worse, they couldn't teach their daughters how to. Ann finally heads outside *************** PAGE 4 Ann sees Alicia leaning against a wall alone smokingAlicia: I'm ready to jet, do you plan on staying. Ann: And where are you expecting to go?! Alicia: My church youth group is having a meeting tonight I'm about to tell mom about it. Ann: Your cult? Alicia: GOD it's not a cult! You'd know that if... Ann: Save it I'm desperate, I'll regret it but let's go. Alicia: Ok then we get changed and I'll tell mom. they go to their rooms *************** PAGE 5 Ann changes in her room Ann is scrawny, but any weight on her body is fat she is by no means in good shape When she gets out she's dressed casually loose t-shirt and jeans Ann is coming down stairs to leave out the back Runs into John Ann: Hi Dad, did Alicia tell you where we were going. John: Does Alicia ever tell me anything. Where you going? Ann:[rolls eyes] To her youth group. John: Be careful, they give me the creeps. Ann: Then why do you let her associate with them? John: You're both grown women, you make your own decisions. Besides they've helped get Alicia on track, she might even be going back to college soon. Your mom is insistent on me leaving her alone about it. But I don't want to see you get caught up in that stuff. Ann: Relax dad, it's easier to dodge brainwashing when you can admit that's what it is. Alicia, in the background, hears the last little bit and isn't pleased *************** PAGE 6 The two girls walk silently to Alicia's car they sit down Alicia:[thinks] I didn't like what you had to say about my church group in there Ann:[thinks back] What church group?! You and I both know this "Alarm" thing's only similarity to a real religion is the insane level of devotion it asks of you Alicia:[Thinks] If you'd just give this a chance, who knows you might make new friends, it might change your life... Ann gets out her copy of "Choke" Ann:[thinks] I don't need YOUR kind of friends, and secondly if it was really this great thing you're always trying to say it is you wouldn't always be blocking stuff about it from me. Alicia:[says aloud]Ann, could you pleeease grow up? This whole "mind reading" and "special powers" thing was cute when we were eight, but you seriously need to get you're life on track... Alarm can help. Ann:[frustrated beyond belief] Whatever. It still doesn't matter. You're hiding something from me about this group. Alicia: I'd love to continue this lovely little discussion but we're here. The house is hidden behind a wooded area It is a large, mildly modernistic log cabin It has the obvious look of a leisure house They walk to the door together in silence They are greeted by John Morningstar, head of the world renowned self help organization Alarm Morningstar is an older man (age indeterminate) with some wrinkles and long gray hair He is much too buff for a man his age He looks more like a pimp than a spiritual leader In a smoking jacket, slippers, and pajama pants Morningstar:[courteously] Hello! And welcome to my center for spiritual awakening. I'm James Morningstar. Ann:[narrates] And pay no attention to the man behind the cheap cologne and the cheesy bathrobe. Alicia shoots Ann a mean stare Ann: Uh hi. [choking back laughter] Morningstar: You must be Alicia's sister who we've all heard so much about. You know, you're sister's always talking about how amazing you are. Ann:[staring confrontationally at Alicia] At some point I must learn what this greatness she speaks of is. Morningstar:[caught off guard]Oh, of course. Come right in make yourself at home here. Ann:[narrates] I hope he doesn't mean that literally *************** PAGE 7 Alicia sees her boyfriend on the inside He is a sensitive looking young man with modestly long brown hair He is wearing a turtleneck and dress slacks, he looks mildly uncomfortable in them He’s not used to dressing up He looks a little scared and confused This disappears as he sees the girl he wants to marry Alicia: ROBBY! Robby: Hey babe! he grabs her and lifts her into a big hug and kiss Robby: Look who finally showed up! Ann: Hey Robby. Are we gonna pretend we actually have something to talk about? Or can we mercifully end the conversation now? Robby: I just don't get you! You are nothing like your sister! Ann:[fake astonishment] My god that's the greatest compliment anyone's ever given me. Alicia: Look, we have some urgent business to attend to. Can I trust you to just mingle and not cause any trouble. Ann:[her expression has gone sour] I'll just soak it in and keep to myself. Alicia: Good, just whatever you do... just don't. Ann walks around the crowded room for a little bit There are lots of young men and women dressed casually participating in conversations, games and spiritual activities,… there are also many young couples playfully embracing Everyone in the room is white A young plumpish girl with mousy brown hair who has a couple strange growths on her neck She wears a sundress that looks like it was made with very cheap material by someone who didn’t care very much about the person for whom it was intended She looks too young to be here, far too sick as well She is serving drinks Little Lisa: Hi miss, would you like a drink? Ann: Uh, are they..... safe? Lisa:[looks down sullenly] I know what you mean. They're safe. *************** PAGE 8 Ann: Ok I'll take a Pepsi then... but aren't you a little young to be working here? To be HERE at all. Lisa: I'd be in class right now. Father says I'm not special enough. Ann: You look really special to me. Lisa: Thank you miss. Ann: No it's cool you can call me Ann. Lisa: Thank you Miss Ann. Ann: Not what I meant but an improvement. I'm curious do you all call each other brother or sister in this group? Lisa: No, many of us are Morningstar's children. I'm the only one who isn't special. Ann: Doesn't that kind of make you more special? Lisa cracks a sweet little smile. But just for a moment. Morningstar: LISA!!! Get back to work and leave this guest alone! Lisa: Sorry father I--I Ann: Its ok we were talking and... Morningstar: I'm sorry miss Brenner. You leave her alone for a minute and you never know what she'll do. On a lighter note we're starting empowerment circle shortly. I hope you'll join us. Ann: That's ok. I'll try to drop in on it. But for now could you direct me to the bathroom? *************** PAGE 9 Ann walks down a dark hall, she sees a shadowed figure smoking a cigarette He is completely siilouetted, all that can be seen is the light of his cigaretteAnn: Awful lonely back here? Skarr: I like it that way. Besides, I'm "Morningstar's" other dirty little secret. Ann: Funny, you sound too old to be his kid. Skarr:[rough chuckle] Wrong on both counts girlie. I'm just one of the suckers who bought his bullshit long ago... more importantly the least presentable to outsiders. Besides if you let the young'uns see me, Morningstar would have less of a chance of gettin into their panties... I don't think that's a possibility in your case though . Ann: Good observation. Wouldn't even be here if Alicia didn't drag me... Skarr:[notices something... lets out a little chuckle] So you're Ann huh? [another little laugh then he gets dead serious] Run. Ann: What the hell are you talking about?! Skarr:[measured intensity whisper]YOU THINK THIS IS JUST SOME CULT?! You have no idea. Imagine a street gang that thinks it's ready to openly take over a Major western power, but it's really just running drugs, guns and prostitution, and taking too big a cut of it's own product. Now imagine that same gang disguised as a spiritual movement with a billion times the firepower,... Destructive force to take over anything it tried to. But not a damn idea what to do when it gets there. But determined just the same. Ann:[noticeable fear] What are you saying? Skarr: I think you know. You also probably know about animals. You see we humans see a problem and we need to solve it, there's a lot of ways we can go about it. Any one of them will work just as well as any other. But you see animals have only two choices, fight or flight. You stand your ground and give everything you got to take something down, if you're able. Or you run like hell and escape if you're not. Right now, you're not strong enough to fight this battle... Run and hide until you are. *************** PAGE 10 Skarr proceeds to open a backdoor for Ann he does so the light hits him He is wearing what appears to be an Alarm “uniform” It looks somewhat like a gymnast’s outfit with a large stylized “A” across the torso It looks very abused, lots of burns and tears Over it he is wearing a trench coat, a pair of black jeans and Combat boots He doesn’t respect the uniform in the slightest Light also hits his face for the first time His face looks something akin to overcooked steak the burns are so bad he proceeds to causally wipe his hand across his face The path his hand took across his face left all the skin he touched in pristine shape a small patch of hair has even started growing he did this in front of Ann’s very eyes as he holds the door Ann stands in unflinching terror Skarr: I swear you're as dumb as my brother... GO! Ann runs past him out the hidden back door takes a back path out back to the road proceeds to walk home *************** PAGE 11 Alicia drives up next to Ann matching the speed at which she walksAlicia: Had enough? I don't think I need to tell you how much you embarrassed me or how generous this offer is. Ann: I've already walked three miles. I can handle the last two just fine ON MY OWN! Alicia: Suit yourself. Alicia drives off Ann continues walking Ann:[narration] I had a long time to think about everything that night. More than I wanted. I'd tell her the stuff this group is into if I didn't think she was already in on it. Who am I kidding she's been a lost cause for years. All I can do now is keep her from dragging me down with her. Ann is walking to her front door *************** PAGE 12 John is waiting in the kitchen, he's stripped down to his dress pants, socks and a wife-beater he looks overjoyed and relieved as Ann walks through the door John: ANNIE! He gives his daughter a big hug, he was scared and he’s just glad she’s home Ann: Sorry I'm so late, why do you seem so surprised to see me? John: I wasn't sure what to think after what Alicia told me Ann: Whatever it was, it doesn't matter I'm fine. Flashback sequence involving Ann and Alicia playing as children They apparently spent a lot of time on make believe Spending entire afternoons just creating amazing creatures with their minds Everything in their world was as fluid as their imaginations Ann:[narration] She wasn't always like this, we used to have so much in common… Not surprising being twins and all even if we are just fraternal twins. Something changed in her, ever since she met Robby and joined that "Church Group." She disowned almost everything we had in common. Little did I know that in just a few years I'd be looking back on 14 to 16 as the good old days of our relationship. *************** PAGE 13 Ann is back with her Dad back to reality Ann:[Narration] But I've accepted that it's over John:[fighting back emotion] I'm sorry Annie, I just want to be able to help you. Ann: I know dad, it's been a tough day I'm just going to get some reading in and go to bed. I love you dad. John: Love you too Annie. Get some rest. *************** PAGE 14 Ann enters her room to sit down and read It is a medium sized room There are two beds in this room, one for each girl Alicia’s doesn’t look like it’s been slept in for a while Ann:[narration] This was the main thing my father gave to me. He was reading constantly. He helped me expand my mind more than I may have ever done before. No, that's a lie. I probably would've developed like this no matter what. But he made sure I was always comfortable with it. Comfortable in my own skin, and on a search for truth. Ann sits alone in her room reading A look of fear passes her face she knows what happens if she thinks too deeply and is alone too long A small group of demonic monsters start circling her threateningly… they appear seemingly out of nowhere Ann:[narration] This is what Alicia gave me. She managed to turn a lot of people against me… I didn't always mind the solitude. I had my reading. I could wander and explore with my mind. Now it wanders bad places… scary places *************** PAGE 15 One of Ann's demons sets a fire in Alicia’s bed Ann is paralyzed with fear after too long she finally gets the strength to scream Ann:[narration]Bad things happen… Ann:[softly]dad?.. Dad!?…DAD!!? FIRE!!!… John comes bursting through the door with a fire extinguisher He rushes forward and puts out the fire the demons dematerialized right before John entered John initially gets very angry Ann is crying John cries too He holds his daughter in consolation *************** PAGE 16 Allison, John and Alicia are having a tense conversation John is the most tense, he looks like he's about to jump out of his seat and destroy something/anything Allison looks like she's about to fall apart in every sense of the word, she's slouching in her chair avoiding eye-contact with everyone and trying not to volunteer too much information, what she does volunteer is usually gibberish Alicia is sitting comfortably in her chair like a master manipulator whose plan is going far better than she ever expected John: I just don't know anymore, she was fine just a few minutes before and then… then… this… Alicia: I told you two a long time ago, she's disturbed, and the girl sincerely needs help. Allison: ALICIA, HOW COULD YOU THAT'S… YOUR SISTER? Alicia: Yes, it is my sister. That's why I want to see her go into intense therapy as quickly as possible. Allison: No… no… there's nothing wrong with her. If we just ignore it and leave her be this will all get better, it'll blow over she'll stop talking about… Alicia: She's sick. She needs help. You've heard her stories. The girl's clearly insane. John: I admit she needs help but I don't think your kind is what she needs!!! Alicia: Dad, I know a great therapist. I can get her in as soon as tomorrow John: HOW CAN I TRUST YOU?! NOTHING THIS BAD EVER HAPPENED BEFORE YOU TOOK HER TO YOUR DAMN "CHURCH GROUP," CULT, WHATEVER THE HELL IT IS? Ann has been eavesdropping the whole time, she slowly walks into her family’s view Ann: Stop… look, maybe she's right. I don't understand what you get from that group, but nothing like what just happened ever happened to you. If you know someone who can help, maybe I should see them. I might regret this but I just want to be normal again. John:[softening up to Ann] Annie, are you sure about this? You don't have to do this. We can find another solution. Ann: I'm sure dad. Alicia could you help set me up with your doctor. Alicia: Yeah, her name's Amy Smith…I think she can help you a lot, I'll call her first thing in the morning. Ann hugs everyone*************** PAGE 17 Ann gets out of the car and walks up a long path into a woodsy out of the way house It looks somewhat like Morningstar’s but more modest She is then greeted by a slightly older woman (mid to late 20's) Who can only be described as gaunt, Her hair is White-blonde her eyes are the palest blue her skin is the lightest white you could imagine and she is very thin, Ann could break her in two even as out of shape as she is at this point in the story she is cold but courteous as she approaches Ann Ann:[narration] I shouldn't listen to her. But she's right. We played the same games as children… she never did something like what happened last night, I'm putting myself and my family in danger, I have to do something. Amy: Miss Brenner, welcome. Ann: Hi you must be Dr. Smith. Amy: That I am… come on in, and we can get started. Ann: So is this what a normal clinic looks like Amy: I try to keep a rather progressive set up here. Anyway, lets step into my office Door shuts *************** PAGE 18 The office is very homey and comfortable Ann is in the office looking a little shaken Amy: Thank you miss Brenner that was very informative, would you like to send the rest of your family in? Ann: Ok. [narration] I am more confused when I went in, I can only hope that it's the foundation of something better The family comes in John: So what do you think about Annie? Amy: From what I can tell your daughter will eventually be ok. I have some drug samples available that may be of great help to her. And I'd like to set up a treatment program with her John: Ok if that what you think is best. John takes the drugs John: Thank you. Amy and Alicia share a glance on the way out Alicia:[thinks] So what do you think? Amy:[thinks] I think she's ripe. those drugs should give you the final set up that you need. Alicia leads Ann into the car behind the rest of the family *************** PAGE 19 Sitting in the living room The family has a roundtable discussion about the drugs sitting on the coffee table John: Now Annie, you know you don't have to do this if you don't want to. Ann: No, it's ok. I think this will help. I think I'll just take my first dose and get some sleep. John:[alone to Ann] I just want us to be able to go back to being a normal, happy family. Ann: Dad I hate to say it but I think it's a lost cause. Ann takes the pills and walks into her room Allison: John, all this has been way too much for me, I still have a few days off work can you take me to spend them at Angelica's? I'm so tired John. John: I kind of want to stay with Annie tonight, but it's just an hour's drive each way. If you really need to I can do it. Alicia, can I trust you at home alone with Annie? Alicia: Sure dad… don't worry we'll be fine, you just take care of mom. Alicia plays the waiting game She looks out the window for Robby *************** PAGE 20 Robby enters the house in a very thuggish Alarm Jacket It’s official but obviously not as sought after as an actual uniform In a very military fashion he walks up to Alicia, they share a giant kiss when they finally break Robby: You sure you wanna go through with this? Alicia: Baby, we tried the easy route, this is the only way she'll crack. Besides, you know what it will mean to you, to us to bring me AND my sister into the fold for Morningstar. Robby: Yeah you don't have to remind me, but... do you really think we can pull it off. Alicia: We've been going over the plan all week, it will work. *************** PAGE 21 Ann is dreaming she's seeing frightening versions of her parents, Morningstar and Skarr telling her things in the dream world there is nothing but smoke and desolation, Ann is bound and gagged Dream John: They think you're crazy. Dream Allison: They may even be right. Dream Skarr: You could've been one of us you know, that was our plan but you had to go and ruin it. Dream Morningstar: A new day is dawning dear sister, and you need to awaken to the nature of this world you live in Alicia: You see there are only two types of people in this world, I know what I am, which kind are you. Victim or victimizer... but knowing that is not what's important right now *************** PAGE 22 Ann is still asleep but getting shocked awake Alicia:[telepathy] What IS important now is that you wake up! Ann shoots up out of bed She is coughing heavily because smoke is entering the room very quickly She breaks a window, rolls out of it and escapes onto the ground crawls to the next-door neighbors, claws at doorbell when someone finally shows up Ann:[screaming at the volume of a whisper] Help! Ann points to the fire and passes out *************** PAGE 23 John is returning home after the night out he sees all the commotion, gets out of the car and rushes toward the first person who looks in charge Ann is sitting up getting treated with oxygen John: This is my house what happened?! Firefighter: It's too soon to say. John: Where are my daughters, I left them here alone... Firefighter: We're treating the one that escaped the blaze, the other... John: No no no no... John sees the stretcher carrying Alicia's charred body from the wreckage of the Brenner home John is struggling to keep his very sanity as he speaks the next sentences to Ann John: Ann, please don't make this any harder for me than it already is... It's my fault, I thought you didn't need the help. That's the idea I acted on and one of my children is dead because of it. Your doctor had some brochures for some good facilities in her lobby. She even volunteers some of her time at one of them. I think it will be for the best. If we can salvage anything from this I'll send some of your clothes and books after you're there. Ann:[choking back tears] Ok dad. *************** PAGE 24 Ann is staring out the window of the car she's driving, she is carrying a small package in her lap Ann:[narration] Hasn't even been a week since the last family funeral and I'm already missing another one. Dad salvaged a few outfits and books. The tests came back. They said that whatever caused the fire in my room the day before also caused the fatal one. Kind of a formality really. The arrangements were already in the process for me to go into psychiatric care... I'm going to this hospital so that I can continue my treatment with Dr. Smith. *************** PAGE 25 Ann is walking with her package up the steps into the hospital It is large and very imposing, very official looking Ann:[narration] I'm sick and desperately need treated. That's what everyone says, and I'm beginning to finally think they're right. They can't all be wrong enters door there is a large corridor Ann:[narration] Can they? *************** PAGE 26 Ann is inside the hospital admitting area, a few established Alarm members are working as guards, Alicia's boyfriend Robby is an orderly walking by a "Scarred" man is covering his eyes in frustration as he walks outIntercom: ...And as we bask in the light which leads us into the rebirth of the new day, we grow stronger and prepare to shrug off the burdens of those who've held us chained through all the centuries. In the name of the almighty sun, Amen. Admitting nurse: Name? Ann: Annastasia Marie Brenner. nurse buzzes her in points Nurse: Follow him *************** PAGE 27 A bulky orderly (not Robby) leads Ann on the "walk of shame" Ann:[narration] I've failed, worse than I ever thought possible. I've hurt people, people who for better or worse I loved. I'll do whatever it takes to get better no matter how long it takes or how much it drains me *************** PAGE 28 Ann enters a common area where a number of patients are resting Raven, A tall woman in fantastic shape with a slightly “gothic” feel to her look She is wearing a tight black tank top and a pair of capris She looks very mean, intense and confrontational The look on her face towards Ann is best be described as "god damn they're going to eat her alive" Phillip, is a fierce looking young man with a strong approachability and friendliness to his looks He is wearing a red t-shirt with a little one-liner on it, sweat pants and a loose bathrobe He has kind and understated smile for Ann as she walks through the door Tanya, a young woman dressed in a nightgown and heavy coat Her features are unimposing for the most part She has a weak chin, and a birdlike nose, her hair is thin and scraggly She is kind of hiding behind a piece of furniture she is very scared Joshua, is an albino with what appears to be a bad rash, with strong cracks and flaking skin in addition to hair that seems to be capable only of standing on end, He is scared as well, but there's a hint of a caged beast's rage in his manner Ann:[narration] For better or worse, this is the beginning of the next chapter of my life. *************** End Issue 1

Speak for yourself man ;) I just take Rand's advice and "check my guns at the door." ---Landon

To some degree I think the venom is valid in some places. These are important issues and it's natural people on opposing sides will respond with strong emotion while discussing their convictions. And a lot of these issues need to be fought out long hard and bloody (figuratively) if there's to be any legitimate progress. Conversely I think forums like this one are great. While fierce debate is important, it's also good to find a place where people with occaisionally extreme differences can just learn from each other, and nurture the things they have in common, in a civil environment. ---Landon

Very tempting... a little ironic what it got paired with though. Now if I can just find one of those Mr. A pinups I've been looking for I'd be set. ---LAndon

Exactly what I'm planning on Jody. ---Landon

I relate a little too well to the whole thing (it's actually the reason I was afraid to respond the first time you posted it). The funny thing with me is comics were always my priority until I turned about 15. At that point I just got sick of the teasing, I'd also been slowly getting into music. At first I was just into hard rock (it had been mildly forbidden in my house at a younger age) but my timing was off. Grunge was what was coming into vogue so I always had a hard time finding what I wanted. Around this time I also started learning guitar. I had a small group of friends at that age and many of them were also interested in doing a musical project. If you've never tried getting a group of non-musicians slowly developing into, OK no lying to myself, pseudo musicians (I know a little music theory but not enough to actually help) it's a funny process. We had a revolving group of about 3-6 people about 90% of us wanted to play guitar (I got it hands down off the bat based on the facts that A: I had a guitar B: I had a basic understanding of how to do some things with it by the time we were discussing this). The big problem was by the time we had the first thing slightly resembling a band, all of us had started developing our tastes. I had one of the two strongest personalities... the other one had [Norton] (and to my knowledge still has, but now I think he's proud of it) little musical ability. There was another guy [bob] with some equipment who was also a strong musician, and the final guy [Donovon] who made up the group was my best friend from elementary school that had a steeper learning curve than us (he was left handed so learning guitar became a lot harder for him). Our tastes went as follows. I was getting heavier into harder and harder forms of heavy metal (typified by bands such as type o negative, emperor, and cradle of filth Norton who had started as a fan of grunge was becoming an industrial fan (Nine Inch Nails, Nitzer Ebb, Throbbing Gristle, Skinny Puppy) Bob was then and had always been a huge fan of straight pop music (Sheryl Crow, Joan Osbourne etc) and Donovon had been into typical grunge but was getting into classic rock (Nirvana, Jimi Hendrix, Smashing Pumpkins etc) to non rock fans these differences might seem superficial but to us at that young age they were an insurmountable barrier. Around this time I met the person who became my life's main musical partner Mike. Around this time he was getting into the same type of music I was (Black Metal)... it was still kind of new and nobody had really heard of it yet, so it was kind of cool to find someone I could relate to on that level. Black Metal music is typified by angry undisciplined noise transposed against haunting melodies (at least the stuff I liked), and satanically themed lyrics. It is also typified by the fact that most practitioners of this style of music wear black and white face paint (corpse paint), black leather, spikes, boots, and lots of black in general. Perfect little niche for a guy who had a hard time operating in his own skin. I took the name Lobo-Centro (ironically from bad Portuguese) and took to always wearing corpse paint every time I could get away with it. It was like putting on an identity, a big scary identity. When I look back I can tell I was thinking "If they're scared of me, they can't hurt me." We proceeded to write, slack off, slack off some more and slack off. Main reason being we had each other to operate with... but you need at least three members for a rock band (guitar, bass and drums with at least one person doubling on vocals). We tried to spend time writing and practicing, but it kills your ambition when you know it's not going anywhere. We got together and broke up several times through HS and College and I put it before a lot of my priorities (which is sad with as little as we were accomplishing). For a while we did things on our own. Mike started a punk/metal project with a coworker who played drums... I started a thrash metal band with some people I'd met at school. I kind of operated as band leader but I wasn't very good at it, I wrote all the songs and took care of getting the transcriptions for covers we wanted to do. The fact that I neglected a lot of important factors lead to the band imploding... but Mike's band needed a bass player. Around this time we had a few good shows and I started getting a little more comfortable in my skin (I took the name Land-O-Lakes this time around). The approach of this band was different from the straight anger and blasphemy approach from my older bands. The approach to the lyrics in this band tended to be twofold... Charlie the drummer usually wrote political songs going through typical anarchist bromides, Mike wrote pornographically humorous songs. After a while this got to us and we wound up reorganizing without him. Around this time I had a lot of bad things happen. My dad finally died from cancer. I had a major blow up with my old clique (the people I wanted to start the original band with and various others involved with the group). I had a courtship that ended in disaster. I also broke down and dropped out of business school. I originally started with the school with the goal of starting a record store... after I decided against that there weren't really any majors that appealed to me at the school and I was getting burned out on not being challenged. And I'd managed to help start another band which imploded. From the last band I took one of the members [Jamie] back to Mike and we started over. We kept his lyrical approach, went a little lighter with the music, and I got to start writing lyrics again. I tried to keep it humorous but when I look back all I see is pure venom. Resentment for my perpetual band situation, resentment for people I'd had fallings out with and just resentment at life in general. Jamie was nice to have around I was able to write with him better than with Mike (kind of just nurtured my negativity though). But I got one much more important thing from him though. He wound up introducing me to Amy. The first thing I was told was about some of the worst things her schizophrenia had lead her to do (he wanted her for himself... but that's not what she wanted). But when I finally met her she was just a total ray of sunshine. Intelligent, insightful, irresistibly cute, just sweet and positive. In short the opposite of pretty much everyone I'd been associating with up to that point. She has always been encouraging of what is really important to me, so at first she went out of her way to help me on band matters, that's where the cracks started to show. The problem is I'd been pouring myself into these musical projects. Showed up at every practice. Learned every song as fast and efficiently As I could. Contributed when I could. Went to shows every weekend to network and get bookings for new shows. Meanwhile Mike had always had some issues on how he ran the band and they just became more noticeable at this point. He didn't work hard to get shows booked, got mad when I tried so hard sometimes. Complained through every show all the way through. Spent large portions of money on recording, and next to no time or effort on promotion. It just started to hit me how much like a vacuum the band had become. Around this time Amy was encouraging my returning affection for comics (even going as far as pitching Frontier War to me). And it hit me that it was time to get rid of the last part of my false skin. It felt good to look at something I'd written and not see it marked by nihilism, misogyny, and hatred. I almost didn't even know I was capable of it anymore... but I was happy to find out. It still disturbs me a little when I listen to anything I've recorded... but I don't think it's much of a problem anymore

Thank ya much ma'am. It's been great so far. I'm doing a lot of sorting I get to dress better. I have two things posted in my cubicle, the entire text of chapter eleven from anthem and the cover of Steve Ditko's "Beware The Creeper" #1. I've had a hard time staying on track with my goals since my dad died and I dropped out of business school, but this just clicks, it is what I need to be doing to get my life back on track to where I want it. Only real problem I'm having is I didn't realize how free I got with my swearing and use of raunchy jokes/stories during my time as a warehouse worker. It kind of reminds me of an episode of "Sex in the City", there are two characters on the show Samantha and Charlotte. Charlotte is the hopeless romantic who is a little prudish and Samantha is the totally vivacious permiscuous one. Because of this they got frustrated with each other and went back to their own circles of friends... when this happened Charlotte realized she was way to comfortable with sex talk and sex in general around her old friends. And Samantha came off as a prude with her new friend. That's kind of how I feel now. I was one of the more sedate guys at the warehouse but I'm pretty bad in an office... bout another week and I'll be in the habit. But thanks once again. ---Landon

Thanks Jody. Oddly enough part of what made me want to listen to the Ozzy tape was a back and forth I was having with Joe Marone over on the Solo music forum about the psycho-epistemology of heavy metal fans. I'd been reading some biographies of serial killers for the project I'm writing now and I found it kind of weird that a few were actually heavy metal fans (most notably Jeffery Dahmer). I found it kind of ironic that this sad lonely guy did a few really horrible things and since his arrest probably more than a few of his favorite bands have written songs about him (one band did a whole album about him). The weird thing is I think he might've got some solace out of that. But it kind of goes back to what Rand said about music and sense of life. If you really want to understand/become another person you need to understand their music. Like just stepping out of yourself and your mindset momentarily and then figuring out "what would make this appeal to someone?" and "what would that appeal mean." I don't have my characters tastes as defined as I once did, but the one's that are defined speak so much clearer. Raven has this strong nihilistic/Nietzchean streak, but she also has a tenderness and vunerablity to her to her. When I'm listening to the Cure, Type O Negative, marilyn manson and Jack off Jill I can tap into her. It's representative of this strong lashing out and trying to create a monsterous appearance that's really just someone who's been hurt once too often trying to keep that from happening again because "If they're scared of me, they can't hurt me." And I have another character named Jen who I had a lot of trouble getting for a long time. She's seems a little shy and cold on the surface, but when she falls for someone she jumps in heart first. It takes her a while to get to the point of opening up and letting someone in, but once she does there's no turning back for her. She loves 50's do-wap (sp) and ballads. There's a kind of purity to those old love songs, like there had been a lot building up to the love but by the time you were finally hearing the end product in the form of the song, there was no turning back for the singer. Each one was desperately in love and there was nothing that could be done about it. (I hope I didn't just give away the ending of Naked Souls) But it's just kind of interesting the things that come to you when you orient your mind in this fashion.

I've been re-reading a book I bought quite a while ago lately. It's called "Comic Writers on Scriptwriting" and it has about a dozen or so interviews with a number of writers. The writers in this book discuss the particular tricks different writers use. Some go out of their way to bounce ideas off people, others purposely hole themselves up like a hermit while in the creative process etc. But one thing that caught my attention was an interview with former Bat-Title writer Devin Grayson. Since to make a living as a comic writer you have to write several titles at once (it usually averages out to having to write one or two issues a week of various titles) she has a lot of characters opperating in her head. Not in the literal sense mind you, but a big part of her writing is just partitioning part of her mind off to BECOME the characters she's writing, they have their favorite spots to write in and more importantly their favorite music. This works in the sense that in order to be fully functioning as Dick Grayson, Selina Kyle, Natasha Romanav (etc...) she has to follow their musical tastes. She specificly listed how Selina (Catwoman) is kind of a suave smooth sohpisticated person who just eminates grace, but oddly she has rather loud tastes in music. You see Selina likes music like Garbage, Alanis Morisette and "all those other rock chics." The weird thing is after I read this I kind of applied it to my own writing and it seemed to help. I always tend to listen to music when I write because silence distracts me and I need a little bit of noise to keep myself focused (it helps if it's the type of noise that focuses me in the right dirrection). I've recently started applying it again more heavily and it's had good results. This weekend I picked up an Ozzy Osbourne cassette I haven't listened to since the mid-90's. As I was listening I became amazed at how what used to impress me no just reminds me of what was wrong with a huge segment of my life. But as I kept listening I realized one of my characters was enjoying it... so much so he was telling me a part of his story I hadn't yet been able to figure out yet. I'm not so sure I know where I'm leading with this but I am kind of curious if anyone else has an opinion on this style of writing.

Kind of sounds like the plot for a Beautiful Mind. ---Landon

Michael, this chapter has been especially helpful. The story I'm writing now is essentially a murder mystery and it was good to compare Tobias's notes to how I'm developing the story. So far most of my choices stand up. And I think I was misnaming some of my characters as red herrings when there is a reason why they would be mistaken as the killer. Sorry I can't get too specific (it is a mystery). ---Landon

I've seen the cordair gallery's website before but I've never noticed anything on this artist or piece. Very nice, great lines great pallette. ---Landon