Hi, This was forwarded to me by a friend, thought it was too good not to pass on :-)
The Objectivist schisms on SoloHQ and now Solopassion have become so frequent that for future convenience a simple form letter has been drawn up. Simply select among the options to easily customize your denunciation:
Official Solo Schism Form letter
Dear Hopefully Outraged Reader
It seems I have been betrayed by -Insert Name - , someone I considered a:
1) business partner
2) dear friend and soulmate
3) exemplar of rational passion
4) random internet correspondent
-Insert Name- has committed the unspeakably evil act of:
1) saying something bad about me in private
2) saying something bad about Mario Lanza
3) saying something nice about the Brandens
4) failing to memorize every article ever published in
the Free Radical
5) dumping my sorry fat ass
6) hasn’t really done anything, but boy I’ve a had few tonight!
I have detected -Insert Name-’s evildoing through an objectively irrefutable process of:
1) wildly inflating minor personal slights
2) emotional rationalizations
3) gossiping
4) observing the inscrutable fluctuations of my Sense Of Life
5) drinking heavily
-Insert name- now stands revealed as an unmitigated:
1) pile of excrement
2) pomowanker
3) cockroach
4) Saddamite
5) member of The Objectivist Centre
-Insert Name-’s other unspeakably evil acts include:
1) Furthering my career
2) Sub-editing or writing for my publications for no payment
3) Building, maintaining and contributing to my websites for no payment
4) Lending my previous failed projects their personal support
5) Occasionally criticizing my personal behaviour
Of course, the fact that these angry schisms happen almost monthly in my relationships I take no personal responsibility for, but attribute to:
1)The obvious inability of others to understand the concept of personal responsibility
2)my vast benevolence blinding me to the evil that surrounds me
3)their underlying envy of my status as the one of the few true upholders of Ayn Rand’s glorious legacy
4)the influence of Immanuel Kant on Western Civilisation
As a result I have decided the only moral course of action is to:
1)issue a hysterically overwrought public denunciation
2)let someone else do the dirty work who I can then back to the hilt
3)demand everyone else side with 1) or 2) or be similarly denounced
4)pretend my hurt feelings are actually matters of profound philosophic importance
After all, this is surely what would be done by:
1) Ayn Rand herself, despite the fact that James Valliant has proved she never did anything of the sort and anyone who says so is an evading liar.
2) A dedicated philosophic individualist who understands and respect the value of individual privacy whenever it suits me to
3) A rationally passionate hero
4) An emotionally incontinent drama queen
However as my rational benevolence knows no bounds, to restore my sanction –Insert Name- can:
1) Repent and acquiesce to all charges. Extra points if a fawning tribute to the philosophic virtue of my uncontrollable anger is tacked on.
2) Acquiesce to any and all future insults by me – just think of them as an occasional loyalty test, baby!
3) Do what few rational men have ever done before: actually PAY for subscription to the Free Radical (note: my sanction will renewed only after the cheque has cleared)
Now I have properly identified and denounced -Insert Name- as unspeakably evil I am free to pursue the main achievements of my life, such as:
1)my multitude of other personal feuds - or as I prefer to call it, Defending True Objectivism!
2)there is no number 2
Remember, what may appear to the philosophically uninitiated as an embarrassing series of obscure personal vendettas played out in public to a mixture of dismay, ridicule and ultimately self-parody is in the ultimate reality of my own mind a glorious battle fought by moi in the name of Ayn Rand for the very soul of mankind itself! I know this in my heart because unlike so many others I am a true Objectivist; therefore whatever emotional state I find myself in, it is always morally justified.
-Insert Name-, I thought you were worthy of my friendship - but I know that you are better than that!
Official SoloSchism Form Letter
in Humor - OL LOLOLOLOL
Posted
Hi, This was forwarded to me by a friend, thought it was too good not to pass on :-)