Anarchists. Do not read this!

[Peter]

Note. This is a satire. Some of the silly lines are lifted for humorous affect from other, ludicrous documents. Lines from my posts are constantly, lifted, and twisted to ridicule me. No Anarchists should read this. They should get back to fixing the constitution! You have been warned.

If we lived in Anarchy we would have no laws restricting what we do. What we did would be done as our right. Rational Anarchism, is grounded in the surety that we are fully capable, through reason, of commerce, and free association, of discerning the principles of justice, and through voluntary agreement, to establishing private institutions as necessary for justice.

We would never need to stand in line at the DMV to get a license to drive, or to renew a license again! If we wanted to set up a business it would require no permits. I promise our lead free products would only need to be desired by our fellow rational, freely associating neighbors, for Capitalism to prevail.

We would pay no taxes!

We must ultimately choose between government-sovereignty and self-sovereignty, between absolutism and anarchy, between subjective decree (which is any decision I don’t agree with) and *objective, self administered justice,* (which is whatever I do.)

There is no logical middle ground. The chickens in the Flock of the Excluded Middle have come home to roost. Hear them cluck! They are fouling the Government nest. This is our chicken country! We must steal her eggs!

If we lived in Anarchy we would have no laws restricting what we do with our bodies and this is our most fundamental right. Let us imagine a scenario where I am pulled over for speeding at a rate I say is reasonable and prudent, while sipping wine, and smoking pot, and reading a prohibited book (say, “Hello Anti-Christ: The Case Against God”, soon to be a Broadway Play starring Streisand,) while texting my posse of fellow anarchists to get a rope and pick out a tree. I am proud to say my goons always show up to help me bully an intellectual opponent, or a State Trooper. Do I have a right to forcibly resist my incarceration? If you say no, I say, grow a pair. If you weaklings say "no," then you are defending those “Nosey Parker” State Troopers.

If you say "yes," then what happened to the sovereign power of government to administer the law? - for in resisting the government I am clearly acting as my own judge and jury in my own case. I would have justice on my side! It’s my body! This is not to say I would do these things while driving. Only an idiot, teenager, drug addict, or members of my goon squad like Julius Seizure, would do such risky things. Well, I don’t think even he would do them all at once.

I say, give me liberty from Government or give me death! A system of objective justice (which is my WILL as Frederick Nietzsche said) defines and sanctions the use of defensive violence, which has traditionally been expressed in libertarian theory as the rights of resistance, revolution, and busting store windows out and taking the CD’s and Ipods when part of a mob. These rights, which stem from the individual right of self-defense, can justify the suppression of any agency such as the State Troopers, that seeks to impose an unjust legal system. That’s why I am always packing a gun.

Oh, joy! What I life we would lead.

There would be no murder, no stealing, no peeping toms, because there would be no laws against these things. As Saint Rothbard said, “People only do these things because they are illegal.” Instead there would be the retaliatory use of force, taking my share of the loot, and looking at the neighbors wife naked, whenever I please, because I covet her.

There would be no divorce, or alimony or child support. There would be no age of consent, there would be no law that said you had to take care of your kids. If you want to set up a garage, or sweatshop, utilizing child labor, that is your right. Those pesky kids would be free to do as they please. If I wish to be abusive and bully them, then it is my right. They are free to run away.

Damn it, if I want to whip my dog, or Shetland pony, there should be no laws against it.

Not that I would do these things, for I am fully rational. As are you, and you, and those fellows Ted Bundy, and Ted Kaczynski who live down the street.

Anonypuss