The Curse of Earth's Angel


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I was shifting through documents and found a lot of my older writings... This one was composed in the sixth grade and is called "the Curse of Earth's Angel".

Opinions, maybe?

Earth's Angel; By: Summer

There once was a young lady named Hadarah Sun whose beauty overcame all others. Her long, fair hair cascaded like moonlight down to her shoulders and the electric blue of her eyes sliced into the souls of all whom dared to meet them. But while the girls would comment upon the glory of her flawless skin and perfect body - although they never said a hurtful word to her face - they each shared a mutual and unquestionable odium for her existence. Jealousy rippled in waves and the loathing was so intense that Hadarah could practically taste it through their false smiles and honey-coated compliments. Because she was so absolutely stunning, no one could get passed her exterior in order to understand what was happening within Hadarah’s mind. In all of her years, she had never known true friendship. She was always isolated. Alone.

The men would see her and want her as they had never wanted any possession. The lust drove them insane… but Hadarah always refused. Each male who came to her with romantic words and gifts was prepared to kneel in her very presence, to bow at her command – yet she was repulsed by them and shrank away from the humbling behavior. She longed for someone to stand proudly at her side, to reflect her values as an equal.

Hadarah’s admirers could never truly love her for they were made to feel as ineffectual in the glow of her radiating complexion. No one could possibly be aware of the silent pain building within her heart, for she was simply too perfect to pity. Her face never learned to express even the slightest hint of emotion. She turned to stone when they touched her. Her gaze grew cold and hard when they initiated flattery. She seemed apathetic to the gifts they bestowed… She wasn’t human, they thought. She wasn’t meant to exist.

Something like that has no right to live.

“You’re so lucky,” they murmured, “You’re striking, Hadarah…”

Then one night, when the sky was dark and the people slept, she looked into the mirror and was so disgusted by the sight of her own identity that she began to cry. All the repressed sentiment sliced open the weakened façade – the only bulwark of protection she could wrap around herself – her hideaway from the world... Hadarah screamed and clawed at her face until it bled. She shattered all the mirrors in her home, her fists pounding against the glass as it cut into her flesh, so that she would no longer have to see. And then, without warning, Hadarah Sun put a bullet in her head.

Standing over the coffin, staring down at the mess that had once represented all they wished they were, no one could comprehend how such a beauty could be mortal. Somehow in death she looked unnaturally pale and uncomfortable; as though she had fallen into an awful slumber. Her brow was furrowed slightly, forever embedded with the twisted image of her own reflection.

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Summer,

I thought of Robert Heinlein's "The Moon is a Harsh Mistress". I have observed (I grew up with two sisters) that attractive young women receive obsessive attention, much of it not well intended, by all kinds of people. Even grown women who should know better can be unkind, as if the young woman in question has received some unearned "gift" unfairly compared to others. Adult woman who have grown up dealing with this crap can be the toughest hombres out there. I bet you like "Kill Bill".

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Well, it was better than how I started out. That doesn't feel like 6th grade writing, even prodigy stuff. But if you did, you did. No editing? Scan in the pencil copy!

A good story, as good as most mainstream skiffy.

Publish some of your latest!

Best,

rde

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Very nice piece. I would be curious to see what a rewrite would look like. Sometimes a few years gives you new insights that can be capitalized on.

~ Shane

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  • 1 month later...

That was great for sixth grade writing. The first few paragraphs would be great for a writer of any age. However, I would like to see the story expanded in a different direction. I would not have the main character simply kill herself. Again, for a sixth grade essay, I have no complaints. But, as an adult, it would be interesting to expand the story. Personally, I don't know where I would take it, but it could blossom into a children's story, a short story, or even a novel --- hopefully one with a happy ending.

Darrell

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I am considering just rewriting the whole thing. It irritates me now when I read it because it could definitely be improved upon.

Also, I kind of expect better of myself.

Summer:

Do it. I would like to see the difference myself.

And you do not lose the original. Works for me.

Adam

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