The 25 Most Inappropriate Things An Objectivist Can Say During Sex

[CNA]

Good, fresh Horny Goatweed from your local Chinese herb doctor is a nice enhancement.

Dice up a couple garlic cloves, take them with either olive oil in a shot glass (easier to get down), or with water w/ lemon, chew up some parsley, it controls the smell.

And NO NO NO, not the garlic right before. Keep as close to 24 hrs. opposite hammer time as you can.

Some people say Vitamin E, but they say everything about that. Dunno.

Viagra- watch out for a very nasty migraine after you're through- some people (so I hear).

Scented oils- sesame/almond bases are very good and benign, if you can use them (as in, not using latex contraceptive products).

There's other stuff, but that's as far as I'm going here .

Right, Angie? We're NOT GOING THERE.

Damn, if that shot is right before, some serious Tic Tacs will be in order. Better yet, don't breathe on 'em. Garlic is exuded through the pores, so hopefully you won't be sweatin' too much. But since it sounds like the groove that's been going down is quite often and at length, you are definitely getting a serious workout. Since you are familiar, Rich, with this let's-get-the-groove-on cocktail, have you tried garlic capsules or garlic oil? I know the real thing is more potent and is absorbed better by the body. I'm just thinkin' of your Dagny or is she also trying this cocktail? If the latter is the case, let the smelly room destroying romps begin !!!! LMAO.

But now you have to bring in the oils and the other stuff in to the mix. Damn, it sounds like your romps are similar to the all-you-can-eat salad buffets at Sizzler. Have you tried stripping the sheets off of those floatation devices of yours and pour some oil and raspberry vinegar down onto them and then let the slippin' and slidin' games begin !!!! Don't forget to bring the tongs !!! Yikes

Rich, you're my bud. I'm just playin' with you.

As to the other stuff you've implied, yes, we won't go there. But will say the ocassional trip to the free-spirited shop will benefit many !!!!

My piece of advice for better overall sex, especially for women, is exercise. Get a good regimen going that is consistent (very important) and gets you into okay to decent shape. Nothing hardcore, just enough to see some results physically. The ultimate result in regards to sex is: better and increased blood flow throughout the entire body, especially to certain key areas, increases stamina, flexibility, strength and ultimately makes certain aspects more easily attainable, if you girls know what I mean !!!! And also don't forget the PC muscles either or what is more commonly called Kegel excercises.

Angie

P.S. My favorite chocolate indulgence for more than one reason is Baskin Robbins chocolate ice cream !!!

Edited August 23, 2006 by CNA

[CNA]

Natural born Horn Dog, it sounds like you're pretty damn healthy in all areas. Damn, that's some pretty personal info you offered there. LOL I'd really feel sorry for your girl if you were downin' the all-you-can-eat salad buffet cocktails Rich has been indulging in lately. The club and rope may be necessary for you.

What type of red wine have you been drinking? And that Voodoo shit you've been dabblin' in and practicing must be some pretty potent crap.

Angie

[gary williams]

Well, at least you haven't started calling me Woody!

And I'm not kidding about my big blood vessels. At a check up last year, a nurse assisting a cardiologist nearly fainted when she saw the girth of my throbbing aeorta!!!!! Poor thang! She'll never look at another man's chest x-ray the same again!!!

The wine is Boone's Farm sans the Nyquil. I got tired of waking up all itchy and covered with hair.

The Voodoo is quite special. I'll never be the same again and glad of it.

Plus it allows me to hang out with Voodoo priestesses, which is really cool!

gw

[gary williams]

Green M&M's?

I prefer to nibble on other things!

gw

[CNA]

My Dear Toe Jam Nibbler, damn, you traumatized the nurse ?!?! Poor little girl, she'll never be the same again I'm sure. So did you go in with the hefty bag or did you offer her the Boones Farm and Nyquil?

Now where are ya itching again and what is all covered with hair? Maybe a wax job is in order or at least a shave, gotta trim things up a bit. Hey, wait, I got some ice cubes I can offer you to help put that fire out. Eeekk, the friction from all that itchin' must be burnin' like crazy.

[gary williams]

Don't be making fun of my toe jam fetish Firecracker!

It has saved you thousands of dollars in podiaty bills!!! It is amazing how all that slobber I put on your talons makes your toes look fabulous!

Of course I do not always want to be a toe nibbler. I want to move up........you know.............up your legs..........to your............hehehehehehehehe..........knee caps!!!!

I want to be a knee cap nibbler!!!!

I had to sedate the nurse with some nearby anesthesia. It would appear that my massive aeorta made her vena cava flutter uncontrolably!!

Lucky for her she was distracted by a Canadian being rushed in with a bad case of priapism. Of course with the combination of anesthesia and the wee Canuck willie, the girl developed a bad case of the giggles and had to go home.

The itch I have is not what you think. I did not fall asleep in a patch of poison ivy like someone else I know. I fell into a patch of Horny Goatweed!

Boy! I really got some swelling now!!!!!!

Maybe you can help me. I hear if you rub on it, the swelling will go down! ;)

I'll give you a Quarter!!!!!!!!!!

gw

[Rich Engle]

No, no, no! I always take the garlic at the opposite end of the day from the date. Or better yet, right after she goes home. You just have to do it once a day... The parsley is a big deal, it's a wonderful breath cleanser.

Now, the other thing with this- if you both like garlic, and you're at dinner, you can have it, but both people have to! It's all, or nothing!

Same thing with onions, but I really try to avoid that, it's a bit much...

Last night I decorated the overhead lamp globe- I covered it, got a blade and turned it into a Japanese lantern. Looks good draped with mardi gras beads, and a little leaded heart mobile hanging from the center... Cheesey? Right to the edge, but no! Even with the colored light bulbs!

rde

Look for the Atomic Playboy guide to dating, out later this year...