Relationships, attachment, and Objectivism

[Christopher]

Here is some very important information I found in a psychology journal. It discusses attachment, which for a quick background: three categories of attachment exist: secure, avoidant, and anxious. Insecure attachment is comprised of both avoidant and anxious individuals, and quite often avoidant results from some level of anxious attachment going as well. I thought this quick explanation about insecure attachment behaviors apply to Objectivists specifically, as I have myself struggled with this very problem:

The flight response of avoidant persons has two basic facets. First, defensive attempts are made to "deactivate" the attachment system in order to avoid any potential conflict with distressing attachment figures. This response leads to what Bowlby called detachment and to cognitive and behavioral distancing from attachment cues in particular and from distress-related cues in general. Second, "compulsive" attempts are made to attain self-reliance and autonomy as a means of compensating for the reluctance to depend on others. Indeed, avoidant persons have been found to dismiss the importance of close relationships, to minimize emotional involvement with and dependence on others, to deny attachment needs, and to pursue autonomy and control.

The way anxious-ambivalent persons cope with their basic insecurity implies a "hyperactivation" of the attachment system. They attempt to minimize distance from distressing attachment figures and maximize the secure base these figures can provide. This is a fight response by which people attempt to win others' love by means of clinging, hypervigilant, and controlling responses. The problem with this strategy is that it creates an excessive and anxious focus on attachment and distress-related cues. It also entails an angry preoccupation with relationships, anxious demands for proximity, conflicutal feelingsd toward partners, hypervigilance about partners' availability, fears of abandonment and rejection, and inability to leave frustrating relationships.

...Under stress, avoidant persons have been found to deny any personal weakness, to suppress bad thoughts and emotions, to inhibit the overt display of pain and distress, and to rely on repressive-disassociative mechanisms. That is, avoidant persons tend to close themselves off in the face of, and to escape from any confrontation with distress-eliciting sources of information.

Raise your hand if you have not mistakenly used Objectivism at some point in your life as an avoidant tactic.

My hand is certainly raised.

Citation:

Mikulincer, M., Orbach, I., & Iavnieli, D. (1998). Adult attachment style and affect regulation: Strategic variations in subjective self-other similarity. Journal of personality and social psychology, 75(2), 436-448