Emergency Care

[fight4thefuture]

This is my first story ever. It is about a doctor that is faced with a tough dilemma. He is on his way to help a patient on an emergency call when he witnesses a murder in progress. He must decide who to save, and every second counts.

http://heyjude83190.deviantart.com/art/Eme...Care-113092910#

Any comments or critiques are appreciated!

[Michael Stuart Kelly]

Julian,

You have talent. I feel this small piece is a part of a larger story. It is not complete in itself. You do get in the head of the protagonist well and the reader can empathize with him easily.

Here is a quibble. You wrote: "In a heartbeat, they were seen racing back towards the hospital."

If the road was abandoned, who saw them?

That's OK, though. I got the impression you were running out of steam in order to finish—the exchange between the woman's attacker and the doctor needs to be fleshed out more—frankly you need more raw action here, or at least develop the confrontation in more detail. It is a moment of great tension and uncertainty. Glossing it over quickly is wasting an opportunity to engage the emotions of the reader.

I liked what I read. Write more and write often. You are one who can.

Michael

[fight4thefuture]

Here is a quibble. You wrote: "In a heartbeat, they were seen racing back towards the hospital."

If the road was abandoned, who saw them?

Haha, God. (Just kidding)

Thanks for reading it, Michael. You are very perceptive. This story was a prototype for something larger I want to do.

Julian