Four Men and a Boy


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You might have to be a Melbournite to get all of this.

On one evening outside an Aussie pub, four men and a boy stood together. One was an Environmentalist, one was a Libertarian, one was an avid Liberal, one an avid Labor supporter, and a Nihilistic teenager.

“Why does nobody like me?” asked the Nihilistic teenager.

The avid Labor supporter looked at the kid, and made the assessment in his mind that he must only be about fifteen. He said, “Because you are only young - but remember you have your whole life ahead of you!”

The avid Liberal supporter looked at the kid. He noticed the boy had cuts on his arm and thought he must suffer from depression. He tried his best to give the boy some sound advice and said, “Because people like people who are happy – you need to clean those cuts off your arm,” said the avid Liberal supporter.

The Libertarian didn’t look at all, for in all social occasions they are too busy thinking of the greatest rhetoric. “Because the public education system forces you to be with people you don’t like. We need to introduce a voucher system –“ said the Libertarian before he was rudely cut off.

The Labor supporter noticed the same old Libertarian rhetoric, and asked his own hopefully rhetorical question “How would this bloke know to find a school without dickheads when all the schools become a free-for-all mate?”

The Libertarian thought about the obvious problem with calling blame on a free-for-all when the system already is one. Once again however he thought of the same old Libertarian rhetoric and missed his point. “Well his parents would find a school for him – “ said the Libertarian, rudely cut off again.

“I HATE MY PARENTS!” the Nihilistic teenager shouted.

“I thought libertarians believed people were fit to make their own decisions and not need say, family, to help them,” said the avid Liberal supporter.

The Libertarian just looked furious and did a fine job of it, from pale white to tomato-soup red.

“Thanks mate,” said the avid Labor supporter.

The Libertarian looked confused.

“I think the problem is that this child is depressed,” said the Environmentalist.

“Why do you think that mate?” asked the avid Labor supporter. The Libertarian giggled over the illogic.

“Well because the environment is being destroyed for more urbanization,” said the Environmentalist in a slow and casual tone of voice. A tone fit only for HAL in Stanley Kubrick’s A Space Odyssey 2001 or a hippy who had lived in Belgrave too long and been made slower with the thin mountain air.

“That isn’t the fucking problem, you are all so fucking righteous and fucking stupid!” whined the Nihilistic teenager.

“And that is why you don’t have any friends,” said the Libertarian.

The Environmentalist, avid Liberal supporter, and avid Labor supporter all laughed.

The End.

Edited by John Tate
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Your four characters are roles or place-holders. I can't get a grip on them. Too abstract.

Can you make them flesh and blood?

Ba'al Chatzaf

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