Objectivist NOT living


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  • 3 weeks later...

Anka - We haven't heard from you for a while and I know that the past month has been the most difficult that you've had to face. So if you're still checking in on this discussion board, I wanted to pass along good wishes and my hope that your process of healing has begun. I fractured my hand a year ago and it took many months to gradually get movement and feeling back. I suspect it's the same for a wounded soul. I hope you gradually, in small steps, allow yourself to feel joy again.

Best,

Ed Hudgins

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  • 2 weeks later...
Those bloody mystics keep calling me and inviting me to talk... to look for the comfort with them... but I have to hide my pain from them pretending that I am all right and don't need comfort... But the truth is - I DO!!! And I prefer to find it with a strangers like yourselfs than with christians.

My heart goes out to you Anka.

I have read your posts and feel that you have a lot of resentment towards the "bloody mystics". On the other hand....maybe it would be best to go and talk to them, find closure, have a good cry, to open up to people who used to be a part of his life at some point.

One thing that I can suggest though is getting a pet, any kind, whatever would be more convenient for you to deal with, dog/cat/hamster/fish. Name it after your lost love and it might fill some of the emptiness that you feel inside.

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  • 1 month later...

Hello every body.

It was a while...

Thank you all for the warm words. I am so glad that you have been my comfort and shoulder at the worse time.

It was 3 month since Jason's death. I am working hard and now can talk about him and think about him without tears.

The pain comes back only when I allow it... in the moments of special time. The time when I choose to grieve and visit his websites, watching his home video of us, listening to his song he wrote for me and audio messages, looking at his photos. This is my time with him... The rest of my days I am free and I live fully for both of us... Oh! He would be so proud of me!

I have read the book of Terry Goodkind "The Faith of Fallen" How I wish I could share it with him!!! He would have loved it. It is like reading The Virtue of Selfishness in action of some fantasy world that is a reflection of real one.

Now I have a serious question for you all. Please help if you know anything about legal rights... of step mothers. I cannot find much information on line and will be talking to a solicitor about it. But nevertheless:

We was not legally married. Did not need it at all when he was alive. But he had kids... I loved them as much I would love them if they were mine. And they loved me. Now his ex-wife would not let me even say good bye to them now. Of cause I would love the relationship with them and we both could take them out sometimes.. (if she was a reasonable person), I could babysit and help them with school work (I am a teacher). But I do not hope for that much. I just want to see them at least once and to give them some of their fathers personal things... She would not let me. Probably hates my guts (understandable, although he did not leave her for me) or said something to them about Jason or his death... or even about me, and now she is afraid that I will reveal the truth. I don't know. She would not reason.

Do I have any rights at all???????????

Thank.

PS: I do have pets ... 3 cats, including Jason's favourite Zoe the fat one. Naming a pet after the great man seems almost a good idea if it was not a reduction of the such important person to the limited animal. I prefer to keep him alive right inside of my mind... thank you anyway

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Anka:

I did not enter this thread from several months ago because I can get too involved in situations like the one that you are surviving. My condolences.

In terms of your current question, the answer is possibly. However, as I always explain to folks when they ask me that specific question, prior to Brown vs. Board of Education in 1954, black children were forced, in most states, to attend "separate, but equal", public schools.

I believe that you do have rights and it is an issue that interests me. It would depend on a number of jurisdictional issues, the state you reside in, whether to engage via petition in federal or state courts, but first, I, as a professional mediator, would approach her formally, by letter and phone on your behalf. Only if mediation failed would I engage her as your advocate in the civil system.

If you wish to discuss this e-mail me.

Finally, one of the individuals in my organization is a licensed psycho therapist and he provides this information for folks suffering a lose:

http://www.recover-from-grief.com/7-stages-of-grief.html

I hope it helps.

Adam

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Anka:

I did not enter this thread from several months ago because I can get too involved in situations like the one that you are surviving. My condolences.

In terms of your current question, the answer is possibly. However, as I always explain to folks when they ask me that specific question, prior to Brown vs. Board of Education in 1954, black children were forced, in most states, to attend "separate, but equal", public schools.

I believe that you do have rights and it is an issue that interests me. It would depend on a number of jurisdictional issues, the state you reside in, whether to engage via petition in federal or state courts, but first, I, as a professional mediator, would approach her formally, by letter and phone on your behalf. Only if mediation failed would I engage her as your advocate in the civil system.

If you wish to discuss this e-mail me.

Finally, one of the individuals in my organization is a licensed psycho therapist and he provides this information for folks suffering a lose:

http://www.recover-from-grief.com/7-stages-of-grief.html

I hope it helps.

Adam

Wow! Adam... Thank you

I did not expect anything like this.

The thing is... I live in UK. I wonder if that makes difference.

I waited until christmas, giving the family some time and waiting for the film "The Tale of Desperaux" to come out. J was involved in it's production. The team had some soft toys for kids and some posters. So... I went to the church hoping to see them... but they already were gone to their mother's parents. I did not have her number, but she called me by accident two weeks ago and I told her about my intentions. She agreed to meet for coffee, brought her friend who never stopped preaching me, and they proposed to meet me by the church with kids if I promise not to tell them anything bad about her (she is responsible for their father's death) That was not my objective and I agreed

But on the day of the meeting she has cancelled it one hour before the time, with silly excuses and asked me nicely to not contact her again. My explanation to her at that coffee was clear: I will not give up and rather do it with her... Well now I have no option but to go to legals...

So what do you think now?

Edited by tnelavoc
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Anka:

Negative - you actually have to be extremely careful, as without the proper preparation, for example, calling and faxing the Administrator of the school, you potentially open yourself up to some rather nasty "real charges" especially the way British Law has been "evolving", U.S. law is right behind you, sort of the way its been since the Magna Carta.

Additionally, this should be worked on off this forum for privacy reasons.

Despite your desire to do what is right, you do not need unnecessary grief from the State in your life right now.

This must be done "by the numbers". Assuming you are correct about the parent alienation that occurred, the mother of the children could be baiting you into walking into a legal "snare" wherein she would be able to obtain a "temporary restraining Order" to protect the children from you. Trust me, there is nothing more permanent than a temporary government Order!

We have confirmed, over the last eighteen (18) years, that the "3rd set of eyes" observing from the outside makes a significant difference in the outcomes.

Now since the English and the Americans have always been separated by a common language, I hope I have been crystal clear with you.

Adam

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Anka:

Negative - you actually have to be extremely careful, as without the proper preparation, for example, calling and faxing the Administrator of the school, you potentially open yourself up to some rather nasty "real charges" especially the way British Law has been "evolving", U.S. law is right behind you, sort of the way its been since the Magna Carta.

Additionally, this should be worked on off this forum for privacy reasons.

Despite your desire to do what is right, you do not need unnecessary grief from the State in your life right now.

This must be done "by the numbers". Assuming you are correct about the parent alienation that occurred, the mother of the children could be baiting you into walking into a legal "snare" wherein she would be able to obtain a "temporary restraining Order" to protect the children from you. Trust me, there is nothing more permanent than a temporary government Order!

We have confirmed, over the last eighteen (18) years, that the "3rd set of eyes" observing from the outside makes a significant difference in the outcomes.

Now since the English and the Americans have always been separated by a common language, I hope I have been crystal clear with you.

Adam

Based on experiences of a friend (in the USA!) and what that friend was told, I believe Adam has spoken wisely.

Bill P

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