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Michael Stuart Kelly

419 Scammer Fun

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Having Fun With 419 Scammers

by John Cheese

Cracked

We have all received those idiot emails or letters from Nigeria claiming that some big-shot died, left a lot of money that needs to be claimed by a low-key transfer and, by some miracle, we were chosen to help. This is called a 419 scam and the term comes from a number in the Nigerian Criminal Code. The following entry explains it better than I could: Advance Fee Fraud or 419 Scams.

BBC said:
Chapter 38 of the Nigeria Criminal Code deals with 'Obtaining Property By False Pretences; Cheating', and Section 419 within that chapter states:

Any person who by any false pretence, and with intent to defraud, obtains from any other person anything capable of being stolen, or induces any other person to deliver to any person anything capable of being stolen, is guilty of a felony, and is liable to imprisonment for three years.

Nigerian courts use this section of the legal code to prosecute anyone found obtaining money by false pretences or committing fraud. However, a certain type of fraud, know as Advance Fee Fraud, is so prevalent in the country that it has become known the world over as a '419 scam'. Though Nigeria does not have the monoply on this form of fraud, the perpetrators have acquired the moniker 'the Lads from Lagos1', and it is thought to be the fifth largest industry in Nigeria.

This has spawned an Internet sport called Scam baiting. The idea is to scam the scammer and get him or her to send some picture as proof of legitimacy, except the scammer will be holding a sign with a double meaning (exploiting the fact that these kinds of scammers speak English so poorly). Here is a collection of such photos, for instance, from 419 Eater: The Trophy Room. There are plenty more and other trophies as well. The biggest prize seems to be getting money out of the scammer. The fact that this can be a dangerous sport (some scammers are not nice people and get really riled when they perceive they have been mocked) has made it even more popular.

I haven't looked at this stuff for a while. It has grown since my last incursion into that world. I came across the case in the opening link above and the tears streamed down my face from laughing so hard. This sport has moved out of vulgar double-entendre and become much more subtle. Here is a selection of made-up Bible verses that the scammer accepted as authentic:

Cheese said:
"The Lord did bow his head. And he told them, 'Fear not the cycle of burden. For that burden comes with great cycle and without fear of more cycles.'" -Judaith 10:44

"He who sees the light of the Lord shall bow to his lightful mercy. And he who sees the dark of the Devil shall dance the dance of the wicked music long." -Xanadu 1:1:56

"And the Lord did say, 'Take my shoes and do with them what you will. Walk in them. Sell them to friends of money. But do not use them for dancing. My shoes dance only with The Maker.'" -Haknar Jenabzedeh 14:31

"And he ate with glee, the nuts of The Maker." -Dextrose 14:89

"And Jezariqua did tell them, 'Hark unto thee. For I am thou ye'est. Feast in the Lord and pick dry thine thoust.'" -Squancho 7:14

"Wipe clean your nipples of motherhood and enter My Kingdom with clean breasts anew." -Shaniqua 31:12

"The Lord ate his last supper. And the wise men did punch his stomach. And the Lord did say, 'Punch me not, wise followers, for my stomach is full of God.'" -Mixalotius 72:12

"I hope you do not hate me." -Jemeriquaiah 7:19

"If you love the Lord as I love the Lord, you would kill yourself without haste." -Flavaflav 13:69

But none of that hit my funnybone as hard as the following, which is my all-time favorite of all made-up scripture anywhere for all time:

Cheese said:
"The fires of Heaven will rain down upon the wicked. And the wicked will scream with their mouth holes. And God will laugh." -Constalias 34:18

Oh the pain... the pain...

🙂 

Michael

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A friend of mine got Nigerian letters and showed them to me. I have no sympathy with anyone who would go along since the people who send say they are crooks.

I suspect that people who know the Bible would realize the verses are fakes and althrough you might say they were from books outside the canon.

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I suspect that people who know the Bible would realize the verses are fakes and althrough you might say they were from books outside the canon.

Chris,

Just curious. What religious book "outside the canon" do you think someone might imagine the following quote would be from?

"And he ate with glee, the nuts of The Maker."
-Dextrose 14:89

Inquiring minds and all...

:)

Michael

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"The Lord ate his last supper. And the wise men did punch his stomach. And the Lord did say, 'Punch me not, wise followers, for my stomach is full of God.'" -Mixalotius 72:12

Sweet Merciful Crap! Michael, I spent a good ten minutes laughing like an idiot at those this morning! Ohdearjeebussakes was that funny! I was cryin'!!

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My personal favourite 419 e-mail came from no less than Miriam Abacha herself, or so the writer claimed. Of all the ±100 such letters I've read, that is the only without blatant mistakes in African history that even an amateur, such as myself, can see clearly. This letter could have been written by Madam Abacha.

Not that it matters. Her husband was the worst dictator in Nigeria's post-colonial history. Sani Abacha was a crook, and if this was his widow writing to me, I definitely do not want to answer her.

Would you buy a used car from Miriam Abacha? Yes, absolutely, and please tell those Area Boys with their machetes to have a nice day.

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I messed with some email spammer claiming to need an investor once. She replied with something about allah.

You sure it wasn't Obama?

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