The needle and the damge done.


Recommended Posts

I need to write this. Its done in one shot so again, sorry for the scatter braininess.

From what I recall it was Winter 2003, myself and 2 close friends went pot hunting through the streets of Sydney, Nova Scoita. We would have scored it around 8, lit up around 10 behind the library to avoid the cops. The high would have begun 15 minutes later.

That's when I knew something was wrong.

Like a piano chord in my mind being pulled at both ends. I panicked. I asked for more. We walked through the streets of Sydney and I knew this was going to be a trip I did not want to remember. I asked for more.

I went back home, slept through the night and woke up. Just the typical morning after, nothing to worry about. Some disorientation maybe, and I was tired. My parents were watching the news. Maybe it was something about Islam, maybe evolution in schools. My mind was forming its line of arguments, different wheels turning different tricks; metaphysics, ethics, history, all the wheels turning, sending the information to some central point, some locus in my mind.

And it wasn't catching.

Something occurred to me over the days that passed. There is some part of the mind that deals with memory, tracking arguments over the long haul, seeing the big picture - the metaphors the emotions the images that at one point were the stuff of my mind were no longer possible.

Rat poison in the pot? Some idiot Caper's idea of a joke? What the hell happened that night? How did I let it happen?

Its been 5 years. I look around and the world that had depth now looks like its paper thin. Books that entered into my mind and created images and inspired thoughts are now far, far reduced. Things are a blur, its even gotten hard to make out the shrubs on the highway. Even the perception of my own body has changed, it too feels thinner, harder to know somehow.

Memory. Chess games whose beginnings I can not reconstruct even only 10 moves in. Movies beginning's whose symbolism was so important is lost to mind by the end. Like living at 4 am.

I destroyed the only thing I valued in myself.

I want anyone who reads this to take this as a warning.

Edited by Mike11
Link to comment
Share on other sites


The good thing about the human brain is its capacity for recovery. Some things take longer than others. You are young, so I doubt you did any long-term damage to yourself, even if you smoked rat poison (although I don't have enough elements from your story to be 100% sure). I know on several times I smoked pure kerosene with unfinished freebase crack. (That's only one of the dangerous substances that I know of that I took embedded in drugs. God knows what else I took.) It made me throw up and what's worse, I didn't get high. :)

My guess is that you saw something in yourself you didn't like that night during the high, your certainty and security got blown to hell, and this added to whatever physical damage occurred. But once again, I don't have enough elements from your story to be 100% sure.

Here is a blog I subscribe to. Although I have yet to spend a lot of time on that blog, I have read several highly interesting articles that has popped up from there in my reader: Sharp Brains.

You might find some memory-enhancement exercises there (including synapses improvement) that will help you strengthen your mind/brain. Also, many of the articles are chock full of great links to other places to get information.

Hang in there. It's not as bad as it could be. You could be severely addicted and that's about as bad as it gets short of irreversible mutilation, debilitation and death (or prison). You could even be a hardcore Randroid, and that... well... I'll let you contemplate the agony of that existence... :)


Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 years later...

Yeah, why DID you do it in the first place? The pot, I mean? Why does any animal go so far against its own survival programming and inhale SMOKE, of all things? Everyone who tries it chokes, sputters, spits, nearly pukes, etc, and yet they FORCE themselves to ignore ALL those bodily warnings, and "get used to it". Why do so? What is the "gain"? Everyone knows the potential losses, at the very least the damage to your aerobic system, the waste of time and money, the stink, the litter, the disapprobation (sp?) from more intelligent people. Naturally, all this applies to tobacco, too.

Link to comment
Share on other sites


Brant made a very good point last night about John's purpose and his appearance out of the blue on OL.

He is bringing some threads up that I have either never seen, or lost track of, which of course is my problem! lol

However, the link that you provided - Sharp Brains - is really interesting.


always amazed at Brant's perceptions and where they lead

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now