Nathaniel Branden's Self-Esteem Every Day - 2006

[Michael Stuart Kelly]

April 29 – Self-Esteem Every Day

Often you begin disowning pieces of yourself to win someone else’s approval; then you continue the process to win your own. You immortalized those who would not accept you as you were by giving their perspective permanent residence within your psyche. It is time to reclaim your disowned self.

[Kat]

April 30 – Self-Esteem Every Day

Daily work at self-acceptance is a challenging spiritual task. This is one reason it is so rarely done. But if you have the self-discipline to persevere, you will discover that true self-acceptance is the opposite of, and much harder than, any self-indulgence. It is a path to enlightenment.

[Kat]

May 1 – Self-Esteem Every Day

One characteristic of children is that they are almost entirely dependent on others. They look to others to fulfill most of their needs. As they mature, they increasingly rely on their own efforts. One characteristic of successfully evolved adults is that they learn to take responsibility for their own lives—physically, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually. This practice of self-responsibility is one of the pillars of self-esteem.

[Kat]

May 2– Self-Esteem Every Day

In a world in which we are exposed to more information, more options, more philosophies, more perspectives than ever before, in which we must choose the values by which we will live (rather than unquestioningly follow some tradition for no better reason than that our parents did), we need to be willing to stand out on our own judgment and trust our own intelligence—to look at the world through our own eyes—to chart our course and think through how to achieve the future we want, to commit ourselves to continuous questioning and learning—to be, in a word, self-responsible.

[Kat]

May 3– Self-Esteem Every Day

If you wish to be self-responsible, you must be willing to make yourself the cause of the effects you want rather than hoping or demanding that someone else will "do something" while your own contribution is to wait and suffer.

[Kat]

May 4 – Self-Esteem Every Day

When you are self-responsible, you recognize that you are the author of your choices and actions.

[L W HALL]

When you are self-responsible, you recognize that you are the author of your choices and actions.

How so very true. Think of the many times we have heard: "I did this because he/she made me, due to (fill in the blank)".

The world is chocked full of people who spend the largest majority of their time reacting instead of acting.

L W

[Aggrad02]

How so very true. Think of the many times we have heard: "I did this because he/she made me, due to (fill in the blank)".

L W

When people say this it drives me crazy.

[Kat]

May 5 – Self-Esteem Every Day

"I couldn't help it!" seems to be the most popular theme song of our day. It echos the pronouncements of many of our social scientists that no one can help anything. Apart from the fact that this belief is false, it generates incalculable harmful social consequences. The abandonment of personal accountability makes self-esteem, as well as decent and benevolent social relationships, impossible. At its worst, it becomes a license to kill. If you want a world that works, you need a culture of accountability.

[Kat]

May 6 – Self-Esteem Every Day

Taking on responsibilities that properly belong to someone else means behaving irresponsibly towards yourself. You need to know where you end and someone else begins. You need to understand boundaries. You need to know what is and is not up to you, what is and is not in your control, what is and is not your responsibility.

[Kat]

May 7 – Self-Esteem Every Day

If you are an adult, you are responsible for your life and well-being. No one owes you the fulfillment of your needs and wants; no one is here on earth to serve you. If you respect the principle of self-ownership, you understand that no one else owns you and that you do not own anyone else. Only on this understanding can there be peace on earth and good will among human beings.

[Kat]

May 8 – Self-Esteem Every Day

If you want the cooperation of others in the pursuit of your goals, you must appeal to their interests and needs; you must offer them values of some kind; your wants per se are not a claim on anyone.

[Kat]

May 9 – Self-Esteem Every Day

If you choose not to live self-responsibly, you count on others to make up your default. No one abjures self-responsibility on a deserted island.

[Kat]

May 10 – Self-Esteem Every Day

You are responsible for the level of consciousness you bring to your activities—whether driving your car, listening to your child, talking to a customer, reading a book, or choosing your spouse.

[Kat]

May 11 – Self-Esteem Every Day

The first act of self-responsibility is the choice to think.

[Kat]

May 12 – Self-Esteem Every Day

Thought is not infallible; it can lead to error.  If we act on our error, we may suffer pain or defeat.  And it will be our responsibility, our "fault."  If we act on our own judgment and are mistaken, we cannot reasonably pass the buck to anyone else.  Whereas—and this is the great temptation for some people—if you forego independence and let others decide, the error or disaster is not your responsibility, and you are not to blame (or so you will tell yourself). You are off the hook.  So here is one of the great choices and challenges of life.  Self-responsibility is for grown-ups.

[Kat]

May 13 – Self-Esteem Every Day

A policy of independent thinking can bring us in conflict with the opinions of others, and then the question becomes, what matters more to you: your own perception of reality or someone else's approval?  If this is not a spiritual issue, what is?  

[Kat]

May 14 – Self-Esteem Every Day

If you accept the principle of self-responsibility, you recognize that the achievement of your happiness is no one's task but your own. In a love relationship, you will have the opportunity share your happiness, not have someone who is there to "make" you happy.  

[Kat]

May 15 – Self-Esteem Every Day

If you do not grow into proper independence, never learn to think for yourself, there is a void within you.  Your need for knowledge remains, as does your need for guiding principles of action.  Inevitably, you turn to others to fill these needs.  You feel, wordlessly, that you do not know, that others seem to know; somehow they have plumbed that mysterious unknowable:  reality.  Therefore, if others are favorably impressed by you, then you must be a worthy person.  You feel, what other standard of self-esteem can there be?  So others hold your sense of worth in their hands.  

[Fran]

This is my favourite quote to date. It says so much.

[Kat]

May 16 – Self-Esteem Every Day

Nothing is more common in irrational moments than obliterating your awareness that you have chosen to do what you are doing; you regard the action as if it was somehow happening of its own accord.  Do you want to grow in self-esteem?  Own your actions.  Take conscious responsibility for what you are doing while you are doing it.  For example, while you are sleeping with someone you would be ashamed to be seen with, do not tell yourself, this really isn't me.   Or when striking your child, do not tell yourself, I am not myself.   You will learn there are actions you are unable to permit yourself once you take full responsibility for doing what you do.

[Kat]

May 17 – Self-Esteem Every Day

As regards fear of others' disapproval, the problem is not that you want to be liked. Who does not prefer being liked to being disliked? The problem is where this desire stands in your hierarchy of values. Does it stand at the peak, above integrity and self-esteem? The issue is not whether you want to be liked, but what you are willing to give in exchange. Are you willing to give up the integrity of your judgment? The tragedy for many people is that their answer is yes. I call this a tragedy because so much suffering is traceable to this surrender.

[JennaW]

I really like this thread.

[Kat]

May 18 – Self-Esteem Every Day

The more you surrender to the fear of someone's disapproval, the more you lose face in your own eyes, and the more desperate you become for someone's approval. Within you is a void that should have been filled by self-esteem. When you attempt to fill it with the approval of others instead, the void grows deeper and the hunger for acceptance and approval grows stronger. The only solution is to summon the courage to honor your own judgment, frightening though that might be in the beginning.

[Kat]

May 19 – Self-Esteem Every Day

If you take the position that your happiness is primarily in your own hands, you give yourself enormous power. You are not waiting for events or others to make you happy. You are not trapped by blame, alibis, or self-pity. You are free to look at the options available in any situation and respond as wisely as you can.