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(The lines in {} I dont like well, and I think it is out of place with the theme, but I put them there for symmetry. I may put something else in its place later)

For all of the time that I have spent

Lost, alone, and often bent

Forward I will press until the horizon

Sinks under the passing--views I've forgotten.

Falling faster into the night sky,

I dream of a place where I am alive

Able to speak and able to share,

All of these thoughts--in bitter despair.

Too many faces for me to remember

Harder to think with this curious ember;

Burning inside of my inner dimensions,

Spreading so slowly--I'm losing my vision.

Further behind; I seem to keep falling,

Into this darkness--steady I'm calling:

Calling out for those who will listen

Those who will know of my hopeless condition.

I wonder at times why I am so broken,

Falling alone--nothing is spoken;

Why is it that you remain quiet,

While my soul breaks in a desperate riot?

{I know that you hear me, but I am not certain,

Of where I may find you--Ill pull back the curtains

Those that keep you clear out of sight

And then you will see me--in undeserving light.}

Take me apart and spread out the pieces

See what I am as my eyesight decreases:

Maybe then you could stop me from falling

Catch me in your eyes that are so delightfully haunting.

I hope for the day when we finally meet,

Together with you I would finally sleep

But until you are mine I can only dream,

That soon you will catch me--this is my theme.

Edited by Dodger
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Absolutely wonderful, Mitchell. It's like you read my mind when you wrote this. More later.

If you've written any more poetry, please do post it.

Ive written much more. It is a hobby of mine to write poems and songs.

Can you do me a favor?

Which stanza particularly jumps out at you, and why?

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Excellent. I'd love to read the rest.

I'm sending you a personal message about that particular stanza. I'd rather not share something so personal here...so hey, I'll use personal messenger. LOL. :)

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  • 3 weeks later...

To focus on mechanics, the last two lines in many of your stanzas do not rhyme. (For example, falling and haunting.) For a rhyme, you need to include the stressed syllable and everything after it. :)

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To focus on mechanics, the last two lines in many of your stanzas do not rhyme. (For example, falling and haunting.) For a rhyme, you need to include the stressed syllable and everything after it. :)

Good point, and it wasnt intended to rhyme perfectly. I merely used the mechanics of rhyme as suggestive rather than law.

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OK. I thought you might be doing that.

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