My first contact with Barbara and a tribute to her

[Michael Stuart Kelly]

Before I returned to the USA from Brazil at the end of 2004, I had carried both Brandens in my heart and mind for well over 33 years.

Earlier this year, I overcame a terrible uncharacteristic attack of shyness and insecurity and posted to Barbara on SoloHQ. I had not had any contact with her before then. That is the first post below. Her response was immediate. That is the second post below and I will cherish it for as long as I live.

Finally, after Barbara broke relations with the owner of SoloHQ and she had stopped posting there, I wrote a post on a thread to the review of a book criticising her and Nathaniel. I have included only a part of that post below.

I hope you enjoy these three. These moments have been extremely important in my life.

SoloHQ - The Passion of Barbara Branden - Post 85 - Thursday, February 17, 2005

Barbara,

I am coming in a little late in this thread to send you a greeting from the "Silent Contingency" of people out there who are affected by the ideas of Objectivism, but who rarely interact with the organized groups promoting it.

I read The Passion of Ayn Rand in Brazil (believe it or not) shortly after it came out. It was simply put one of the two books that - so far in my life - have packed the greatest unexpected overpowering wallop on my imagination. It captivated me so completely that I read it in two days, unable to do anything else. The other book was Atlas Shrugged (around 1970 when I was in my first year of college). In both cases I was living through tortured and confusing situations. Then, here came these two magnificent books explaining what all the misery was about and pointing to the way out.

Basically, Atlas Shrugged explained why I was unable to understand the people around me and why they usually attacked my talents and achievements (which hurt like hell to a kid growing up). I became an instant convert. I was so passionate about these new ideas, especially the supremacy of reason, that I tried to preach them to everyone I talked to, making a general bother of myself. Campus life in Boston in the early 1970's was not the ideal place for this. It was a hotbed of left-wing thinking.

So I tried to establish contact with other like-minded people. I even went to New York at the time to see the stage production of Night of January 16th and made an obligatory visit to the official office of Ayn Rand (I think it was The Ayn Rand Letter at that time) and see if there was someway of absorbing more of these great ideas and maybe getting involved somehow. Sort of like going to Mecca.

Boy was I in for a shock. I had never encountered such rude people in my entire life. I was totally confused because I thought that I had been doing everything right. Rather than accept the fact that these people (the gate-keepers to the Promised Land, as I thought of them at that time) were behaving badly, I put the situation on ice and moved on. I loved Ayn Rand's ideas and read everything I could get my hands on. But I just couldn't stand the "Ayn Rand" people whom I met. They seemed hell-bent on making a virtue out of bad manners and scathing contempt for anything they disagreed with.

Thus I joined the "Silent Contingency" of Objectivism. I am sure that there are much more of us out there who have had similar experiences over the years. Now I come to your book.

Ahhm... oh yes, first there is that little issue of the demolition derby I have made out of my romantic life over the years. Ayn Rand type romance has not worked for me, and God knows I have tried. You simply cannot base sexual attraction and love on merit alone (especially with Brazilian women). At least I haven't been able to.

So, there I was, making a mess of everything. I was convinced that I had found the only system of thought I really liked and could identify with, but somehow I was not getting it right. Then I came across The Passion of Ayn Rand. What a relief! I saw that I was not alone in my confusion, nor in the error of trying to force my romantic feelings into a straight-jacket of preconceptions. Reality has no mercy at all on someone who refuses to learn his/her essential nature and be true to it. I had to learn that the hard way. Apparently those that I admired also had to.

In this wonderful book of yours, Barbara, you came down from Mount Olympus and let us mere mortals know that there are no perfect gods out there, but sometimes there are magnificent human beings, and it is OK to try to be a magnificent human being who stumbles sometimes. Even Ayn Rand, Nathaniel Branden and Barbara Branden have had some pretty hairy moments. And they could still keep their heads up.

Life has taught me that emotions may not be good tools of cognition, but reason is also a pretty poor substitute for emotions (especially love and excitement). Both are essential components of a healthy mind and soul. Without proper balance, one will undermine the other and cause a catastrophe. You illustrated this principal particularly well in the life of Ayn Rand, especially her disastrous adoption of an alternative life-style that was incompatible with her professed public image at the time. This is no mere opinion either. You were there. You took your knocks the hard way.

In your case, specifically, I consider you as a for-real heroine in life. Only a heroine could have kept her peace all those years to honor a pledge of secrecy that should not have been required of anyone. And only a heroine could have broken it the way you did.

Congratulations on a marvelous book and an inspiring act of courage.

Michael

SoloHQ - The Passion of Barbara Branden - Post 87 - Thursday, February 17, 2005

Michael, it is not often that any writer receives a reward for her work such as your post. It's a double reward: in the sense of your appreciation of my book, and that book's beneficent effect on your life. For both, I am deeply grateful. Whatever I have given you, you have repaid.

Barbara

[JUMP IN TIME FROM FEBRUARY TO SEPTEMBER]

September 26, 2005 (Post 10 - partial - thread on SoloHQ to a review of a book disparaging the Brandens)

Let me mention one aspect of Barbara's character that has not been brought up - not even in my own talks with her. She did not accept the offer to become Ayn Rand's heir without Rand knowing the full truth. THAT, I submit, is more than enough proof of her character. Do you want to know the full truth? How about this?

Leonard Peikoff's turn came up to become designated as Ayn Rand's heir ONLY BECAUSE OF BARBARA'S DECENT AND NOBLE CHARACTER. Not because she was a despicable liar. She was in a horrible situation that dragged on for years. She was among people who did things and made decisions that took years (like 13 years to write a book). Things started to move fast with NBI and that took a lot of attention, so I an see how easy it was in that context to put off engaging in an extremely difficult task like bringing this issue to light. Still, when it came down to the clutch, Barbara came through with a shining example of integrity. She would not become Ayn Rand's heir without the full truth.

That is the full truth.

She wanted financial gain? She could have had it simply by keeping her mouth shut, but her integrity would not let her. How many of us would have made that decision? Think about it. (I can almost hear everybody thinking, "I know I would have done the right thing." But as you said, "Yeah, right.") Barbara is a goddam heroine of Objectivist integrity based on what she did in an excruciating real-life conflict.

The Passion of Ayn Rand is a romantic biography and autobiography. It is a magnificent achievement - both for the writing and for the larger-than-life portrayal of Ayn Rand overcoming external enemies and internal conflicts. So it misfired on a few details. Correct them. Don't try to say that the larger-than-life heroine (Rand) that breathes through every single page of that book was portrayed by a mean-spirited dirty rotten scumbag. That book is a wonderful tribute to Ayn Rand.

END OF POSTS

These only scratch the surface of the love and gratitude I feel toward Barbara. Kat echoes many of my sentiments. She has shown several times that her feelings for Barbara run much deeper than one would think.

Kat and I both salute you, Barbara.

With great respect and love,

Michael