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I've chosen the work I want to do and the way I'll have to do it.  I love my work, it is my pride & joy.  And for some reason I'm crying right now because the word that describes it is "Sanctity".  I'm scared, I now see, that man's evolution isn't going to give me enough work this way; so I draw it out.  I want to rape my work.  But the missing/desired/unexpressed I guess is that I'll never win.  WIN TO LIVE MY LIFE FOR MY LOVE OF IT, NOT FOR OTHERS, OR OTHERS FOR I.  I guess this had to be said.  Everyone who wants to live in their own capacity give your warcry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

maybe this doesn't work...it's still unexpressed
i guess this is metaphysics.  As you feel pain/pleasure, happiness/sadness, & physical pleasure in response to things & you can choose the positives to not feel, and the negatives to feel.  What is the driving force behind free will?  I have never believed in god.  But man's clash with nature, that's the most heroic battle ever told.  There are no contradictions such as man choose.  So maybe it's the slimers living the easy road that we should have had which destroys me.  I will win.  I will destroy peter keating, wesley mouch, the zero(sum)

my childhood best friend, a prime mover said, a parasite does not have consciousness.

So now to the title:  you may have heard the term "egodeath".  I am now defining it: I have felt the total nonexistence.  I have felt lesser forms.  DO NOT EVER LET THEM THINK YOU ARE BEING ROBBED, BEING CHASED, BEING TORTURED, WATCHING A FIRING SQUAD, OR THE GUILLOTINE.
In my tribute to Rand I will say: I have felt all physicals pains.  They are NOTHING to the torture of the altruist-collective.

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On 12/20/2019 at 10:54 PM, atlashead said:

I've chosen the work I want to do and the way I'll have to do it.  I love my work, it is my pride & joy.

What work is that?

Quote

 

And for some reason I'm crying right now because the word that describes it is "Sanctity".  I'm scared, I now see, that man's evolution isn't going to give me enough work this way; so I draw it out.  I want to rape my work.  But the missing/desired/unexpressed I guess is that I'll never win.  WIN TO LIVE MY LIFE FOR MY LOVE OF IT, NOT FOR OTHERS, OR OTHERS FOR I.  I guess this had to be said.  Everyone who wants to live in their own capacity give your warcry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

maybe this doesn't work...it's still unexpressed
i guess this is metaphysics.  As you feel pain/pleasure, happiness/sadness, & physical pleasure in response to things & you can choose the positives to not feel, and the negatives to feel.  What is the driving force behind free will?  I have never believed in god.  But man's clash with nature, that's the most heroic battle ever told.  There are no contradictions such as man choose.  So maybe it's the slimers living the easy road that we should have had which destroys me.  I will win.  I will destroy peter keating, wesley mouch, the zero(sum)

my childhood best friend, a prime mover said, a parasite does not have consciousness.

So now to the title:  you may have heard the term "egodeath".  I am now defining it: I have felt the total nonexistence.  I have felt lesser forms.  DO NOT EVER LET THEM THINK YOU ARE BEING ROBBED, BEING CHASED, BEING TORTURED, WATCHING A FIRING SQUAD, OR THE GUILLOTINE.
In my tribute to Rand I will say: I have felt all physicals pains.  They are NOTHING to the torture of the altruist-collective.

 

Do you think that anyone is buying your bullshit?

J

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On 12/20/2019 at 9:54 PM, atlashead said:

I've chosen the work I want to do and the way I'll have to do it.  I love my work, it is my pride & joy.  And for some reason I'm crying right now because the word that describes it is "Sanctity".  I'm scared, I now see, that man's evolution isn't going to give me enough work this way; so I draw it out.  I want to rape my work.  But the missing/desired/unexpressed I guess is that I'll never win.  WIN TO LIVE MY LIFE FOR MY LOVE OF IT, NOT FOR OTHERS, OR OTHERS FOR I.  I guess this had to be said.  Everyone who wants to live in their own capacity give your warcry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

maybe this doesn't work...it's still unexpressed
i guess this is metaphysics.  As you feel pain/pleasure, happiness/sadness, & physical pleasure in response to things & you can choose the positives to not feel, and the negatives to feel.  What is the driving force behind free will?  I have never believed in god.  But man's clash with nature, that's the most heroic battle ever told.  There are no contradictions such as man choose.  So maybe it's the slimers living the easy road that we should have had which destroys me.  I will win.  I will destroy peter keating, wesley mouch, the zero(sum)

my childhood best friend, a prime mover said, a parasite does not have consciousness.

So now to the title:  you may have heard the term "egodeath".  I am now defining it: I have felt the total nonexistence.  I have felt lesser forms.  DO NOT EVER LET THEM THINK YOU ARE BEING ROBBED, BEING CHASED, BEING TORTURED, WATCHING A FIRING SQUAD, OR THE GUILLOTINE.
In my tribute to Rand I will say: I have felt all physicals pains.  They are NOTHING to the torture of the altruist-collective.

I write better drunk than you do.

--Brant

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  • 4 weeks later...
On 12/30/2019 at 11:12 AM, Jonathan said:

I'm still wondering what work you were talking about.

J

Music, Physics, Architecture, other forms of art.
You see, I've been enslaved.  I don't know how to get out of it.
I've been doing good work, but I don't let myself think beyond the range of the moment; I mostly peruse the internet and when I stumble across something I work on it.  Or send privately the music I'm working on.  My confidence may be broken in the musical aspect.  I've got 6 physics books I need to read and probably 18 after that.  But the thought of working when I can never achieve totally gets in my way profanely.
This is a work in progress of a work in progress:

Ego [vers.mp3

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On 1/24/2020 at 10:58 AM, atlashead said:

Music, Physics, Architecture, other forms of art.
You see, I've been enslaved.  I don't know how to get out of it.
I've been doing good work, but I don't let myself think beyond the range of the moment; I mostly peruse the internet and when I stumble across something I work on it.  Or send privately the music I'm working on.  My confidence may be broken in the musical aspect.  I've got 6 physics books I need to read and probably 18 after that.  But the thought of working when I can never achieve totally gets in my way profanely.
This is a work in progress of a work in progress:

Ego [vers.mp3Unavailable

The file is unavailable.

Anyway, the rest still sounds like bullshit. Fantasy. Pretend.

J

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  • 6 months later...

A really good test for the most part as to how well you are doing in a given profession is..wait for it...how much money are you making.  How much money are people in the same field as you making?  Are you making more?  Are you eating dog food?  Are you able to get off mommies tit and move out of her basement?  If not..you need to objectively do better...

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